Couch 224: 2day, 2morrow, 4evah!

I would do that after I asked if it turned him on.

What a Reddick.

Hasn't he done this before or am I thinking of someone else's therapist? I'm having deja vu.

Sure! I'll pm you

No, it was just sitting there and I was seeing it from above.

Never read Kafka, that I recall anyway.

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka is a story about a man who wakes up and finds he is an insect. There are a lot of psychological interpretations of the story.

Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

I was just looking him up, thanks.

Maybe I better not read this tonight, haha, who knows what I will dream if I do!

Which do you like better, The Metamorphosis or The Trial? The Trial has been growing on me.

The Trial. I find its themes more terrifying

It isn't that long to read.
But bug dreams can be creepy

I like Tolstoy. The short stories.

What choice did you make C?

You never have to go over stuff you don't want to, but I don't think he will change. Was he not the same with J?

I really do understand the attachment stuff, but do you feel like therapy with him is helping you? Just looking in, but it seems your relationship with him brings a lot more distress to you. I wasn't ready to leave R until I was ready, so honestly no judgement if you chose to stay.

Made me think of this meme:

I love that one, ATAT.

I'm still reeling from my online teaching observation yesterday. Wanted to invite feedback from everybody, but couldn't figure out how to see everybody's video whilst also screen sharing. As a result, I spoke to everybody bar one student.

LOL! That's great @@

A bit worried about my Dr. Appointment today. I'm sure everything will be fine, or I'll get another medication. Bleh. I don't know why I'm nervous. When I talked to the practice manager today she said to come in, they will do my vitals and then we will zoom call the doctor. Sounds odd. Maybe that's why I am worried about it even though I talk to Pdoc on something like zoom but healthcare oriented.

I hope your appointment goes well, Kit. I had a Zoom doctor's appointment the other day and actually sort of preferred it. It was supposed to be in person, but there was an ice storm, so they offered me a Zoom appointment or rescheduling. It seems odd you'd Zoom with your doctor from their office though? Makes sense they'd want to check vitals and such (I'd just had mine checked the cardiologist the week before, so I don't think they saw it as a priority).

Thanks LT!


I am getting more anxious the closer it gets to my appointment time for my appointment with my GP/PCP. The last time I was actually at the doctor's office was before the pandemic and that time she was which I am way more comfortable with than I am talking about my physical health. I already decided I am not going to be weighed. I weighed myself this morning and they can just take my word for it when I tell them how much I weigh. She is remarkably good with psychological things. She was the first person (professional) to suspect I might be depressed and wanted me to have a psych consult. But this appointment is for BP and other stuff like that. The joys of getting older I suppose. I am far less comfortable talking about these sorts of things. From what I gather from her staff, she is actually working from home. So although I will be in her office, she won't be. So it's not like we will be Zoom calling each other from different rooms. The doctor's office always does make me a bit anxious. And I usually take a Xanax or two before going but that might lower my BP and I want her to see the actual level (plus I brought a page of data). But it might be artificially higher because I am at the doctor's also. So I am trying not to think about it/worry about it and just get on with my day. But I am stressing about it more than I would like to be.

Italian: I will die without coffee.

I will die without coffee too, but in a different sense: because I hate it and don't drink it.

Oh, you are trying to earn an LOL button! Good effort, caterpillar!

I thought it was pasta or tiramisu.

Well, tiramisu has coffee IN it, so...

And whole grain pasta is zero points on weight watchers, so...

We're both right!

Today incould recognise the beginnings of my overwhelm. I want to clean the bathroom but looked at it and started to feel the hugeness of it all but instead of steam rolling into full on defeat i stopped and was able to say to myself just clean the basin first and that stopped the feelings. I think i needed some space to put these things in practise but because i was so dependent on my T inrealise now i didnt want to let go for whatever reason. My overly insistence independence i think is a mask for deeply wanting someone to help me.

P had to go to in-person school this week so we only met on Monday. He didn't offer to do a phone check-in this time although he did say I could email him if I was struggling and he'd respond within 24 hours. It's going to be a long week. He's the only person I talk face to face with.