Your counselor isn´t interested in your issues nor your news from the week

My counselor has a caseload of approximately 100 clients, she doesn't see everyone of them during the same week of course but in total.

Most therapists and counselors don´t see that many patients but it´s still impossible to expect them to be interested in more than some bits and pieces here and there in what their patients talk about.

My counselor sees patients with very diverse issues and she would most probably not spend time with me or any other patient if she could choose. By that I´m not saying she dislikes her clients but of cause her interests are most often not shared with her patients.

As I can freely speak about my week, if that´s what I choose to talk about, I talk about what happened and so do most of her patients. With so many different topics during a day and during a week she can´t be interested in them all.

I don´t see her for therapy and perhaps there's a difference if you as a patient are your therapist´s "working material", then there´s a proffessional interest in what you tell him/her.

My counselor sometimes asks about my project I'm currently working on or she asks about my week. She isn´t part of neither and we hadn´t met if I didn´t see her at this facility.

My conclusion is she isn´t interested in most things I tell her, perhaps some small things here and there. She listens to and comment to what I happen to tell her because it´s her job but of course there´s no genuine interest. It's just pure courtesy and her job is to listen and comment, nothing more.

If she worked in a zoo, would you presume she was just being polite to the animals but didnt have a genuine interest? Maybe she sees it as working in a human zoo and she is really interested.

Why would they be interested? There is precious little new under the sun.
These people are at best tools a client might find a use for. I never did, but it didn't matter to me if they were personally interested in me or not. I was not interested in them. The whole idea of those people caring or being interested in anything except themselves is puzzling

That´s an interesting perspective. I though think there´s a big difference between working with animals versus working with people. To have an interest in animals and work at a zoo means to me that you like and are interested in animals. There´s not a big difference to for example feed an elephant or feed a tiger but when working as a counselor there´s a much more complex difference between people and their issues. The differences are so many that a counselor can´t be interested in all that all those clients tell him/her.

If my counselor (or any other counselor/therapist) could choose they for sure wouldn´t spend time with most of their clients outside session. I know that´s not allowed/recommended but if not regarding that, counselors still wouldn´t want to meet with most of their clients. For the same reason that most people don´t find 100 persons around them interesting enough to spend time with them, build a bond with them and so on.

While my therapist has many, many clients, I'm consistently amazed at how well she remembers details I share in sessions (names of friends, minute details of situations I'm dealing with, etc.). Since the pandemic started, I've not been seeing her much, as telehealth doesn't really help. Even after long absences, however, she has the memory of an elephant. Given the volume of clients she sees it would surprise me if she wrote all the details down. I just give her credit for remembering such things.

So, is this just an observation? Or is this a complaint? I can't quite tell what you are needing from your post.

I only needed my therapists to stay focused on me during my sessions. I wasn't part of their personal life, so I just needed them to focus on me for that hour session. I'm certain there were things I talked about that probably weren't that interesting. Heck, there were things they talked about that weren't that interesting. So long as they were focused enough to help me through whatever I was needing at the time, that was okay for me. Did they remember everything I told them? No, but they remembered the most vital information which was what really mattered.

I am sure there’s a big difference between feeding a tiger and feeding an elephant. If you feed them the wrong thing, they might not do well or feel sick or be disturbed. I’d say people who work with animals typically have great interest in animals and have to maintain great focus on what they need and how they need it and how they feel and so on. So surely they are interested in main concepts

She might not have interest in things are not sequential or generally of no importance but she likely has interest in how her clients are doing. If the goal is to get you employment ready, she’d likely interested in that. Might not be that interested in some other aspects.

Of course it’s impossible to be interested in every little thing. Just not doable. But major concepts are important

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Originally Posted by SarahSweden My conclusion is she isn´t interested in most things I tell her, perhaps some small things here and there. She listens to and comment to what I happen to tell her because it´s her job but of course there´s no genuine interest. It's just pure courtesy and her job is to listen and comment, nothing more.

It is true that therapists are not interested in most things like daily life. They want to discuss therapy (whatever that may be).

When I first met her I felt like a health records number. She had a habit of mixing me up with another one of her clients who was adopted (I met this client during one of inpatient stays). We did look a bit a like, but she had long hair. It irritated me at first, but I gradually realized she was seeing a lot of people that made it hard to keep track of individual "little" details. As I got to know her she stopped asking me about adoption.

Genuine interest can definitely develop as the (odd) relationship develops over time. I've seen it a few times.

I think therapists are interested in getting to thr core of ones interests. Part of that is understanding and getting to know a clients lifestyle and interests. My T doesn't know anybody in my family (my long term T dod enduring knowing my husband and children). However, whensomething happened like my daughter was attacked and beaten, my T became somewhat emotional because she knows my children are my life and the pain it was causing me. Or she also knows, that my children will always be a protective factor for me. When I am in my appointments, what I care about IS important to me.

As far as a them not wanting to work with us because of difference in opinions, again I disagree. Many people have differences in opinions and still ebjoy each others company. My best friend and I have very different likes and opinions but we spend a lot of time together.

Long term T once offered me something that I didn't take her up on. She apologized repeatedly and said that she was treating more like a friend because she knew if we had met any other way we would be friends.

We worked together for 10 years and lived in a small community. The last few years we had very loose boundaries but still worked to keep things safe for me.

Wow, again *so many* assumptions. This counsellor can't win as she has already been judged and condemned.

It might help to clarify for yourself what your goals are with this counselor and what you hope to get out of talking to her. The purpose of talking to a therapist/counselor isn't necessarily for them to be interested or care deeply about the client (although I think they often do care), but for them to help the client live a better life, whatever that means to the client.

Again it seems to me that you are focusing on the therapist when you may be better off focusing on yourself.

Thanks. The thing is in my case that my counselor isn´t a therapist and we´re not doing therapy. I agree it works that way you describe if you see an actual therapist which I don´t. Then "the work" is in focus and you can perhaps forgive things that happen like your T mixing you up with someone else.

I meet my counselor like an acquaintance and it´s more or less impossible to know what she says and shares with me because she wants to share it with me or if she just shares to have something to talk about.

I also end up in the fact that she shares private and personal things I´m left with during the week. She said she shifts her way of being depending on which patient she sees and even if that´s neccessary to some extent it also made me wonder if she acts interested in things I tell her just to be nice or simply because I´m her patient.

If we did therapy I´d known she at least had some "real" reason to listen to me even if the subject itself perhaps wasn´t interesting to her. But with my counselor we talk like colleagues or acquaintances and I don´t know if she does this to offer some kind of "social support" or if she is genuinely interested in what we talk about.

She most likely is not personally interested in every detail of your life, just as a therapist would not be; even best friends are not invested in 100% of the other's life. I think the key here is that even as a counselor, she is a professional and not meant to be your friend. Whether she is personally interested in your day to day life experiences or not, her purpose is to help you. That may be providing guidance, support, or validation depending on the situation at the time. It may be helpful to think about your goals in seeing this counselor. With the knowledge that she is not a therapist, what are your expectations? This may be a good subject to discuss with her so that you can both move forward from the same page.

Thanks. I´m not expecting her to be my friend, it's she who constantly shares from her life as if we were friends or at least acquaintances. There are no goals, I see her because there's noone else I can see as they don´t offer therapy.

From the facility´s point of view I believe they see my chats with her as "supportive chats during the week" and nothing more. They don´t have any obligations to state goals, nor follow through on goals. I wrote two pages stating my goals with sessions and gave it to my counselor more than a year ago. But as she doesn´t have the competency to work on any of those goals, our meetings just end up in chatting about everyday matters.

Well she isn’t really an acquittance. She gets paid. I love my job dearly and work like 10 hours a day at least even though I don’t need to per se and I’d never do anything else in life BUT if I wasn’t paid, I’d not do it all day every day. No matter how much we love our jobs and how much they mean to us, most people wouldn’t do it for free.

So you have to be realistic. Of course she cares and is interested but it’s not the same for her as meeting with acquittance. She’d not do it for free so I’d not worry if she is interested. I’d look into if it’s interesting and helpful for you. If yes keep seeing her. It’s important that YOU find it interesting. It doesn’t really matter if she finds it interesting or not. She is there to support you. Not the other way around

Knowing her limitations of not being a therapist, what DO your appointments to be like?

I once word vomited and asked my therapist if she ever thinks about me when we are not meeting. She said yeah she thinks about all her clients. Apparently I’m the only one of her clients who had been emailing her. So maybe I stick out a bit more. Could also just be wishful thinking.

I am sure she thinks about you. I am sure most think about their clients/patients. People in caring professions can’t just turn it off. I think about my students all the time. My husband thinks about his patients. I know therapist thinks about their clients. You absolutely can’t just turn it off (and shouldn’t).

In gerneral it is pretty safe to presume she is interested in people and listening to them, as she has chosen this profession. And like many stated, no one can be seriously personally interested about every detail someone tells them. Don't all conversations have more and less interesting parts? According to what you have told, she seems friendly, concentrated and interested in her job.

I think a T who sees over 100 clients is not good for them or the clients, some of many including the T is on thin ice.

I think they keep people on their books even where they are not being constantly employed by those clients. So even where they say they have 100, they are not having 100 appointments a week. Or so I hope

Are you interested in everything people tell you? Is everything everyone says equally fascinating and engaging?

The counsellor is an imperfect person whose presence might be helpful to you. She is really imperfect. She messes up every day and she has to fake it sometimes. Sometimes she hungry or has to pee or is worried about something else. Let’s just acknowledge that. That’s not hypocrisy. That’s human. She’s not better than you. Just different.

What do you want or need from her? She can’t give perfect attunement but can likely be helpful in other ways. Maybe focus on those?

You can even ask for them. “I really want to feel like I’m important to you and you’re interested in me while I’m here.”

Thanks. No, I´m not and I´m just stating that fact and that´s why my counselor probably is just pretending to be interested in several things. It gets a bit condescending if she pretends to be interested just because I´m her patient.

I need psychotherapy which she can´t give me as she isn´t a therapist. This isn´t a new situation to me, I've seen her for a couple of years now as I don´t have any alternatives. I don´t think there´s that much to do about it but it´s still valuable to vent about things.

I wouldn´t ask her to make me feel valuable, that hadn´t felt genuine if she suddenly changed her behavior according to such a wish. She isn´t varm as a person even if she can sometimes show she cares.

I think it's great that my Therapist knows things ie it was my Birthday last week she texted on my Birthday and when we spoke on Mon this week she asked about it.

It just means she listens. She was like this before covid. I have been seeing her for 2.5 years. She is trained to take an interest. If she didn't I would probably be upset meaning to me she didn't care. Before covid and I saw her in person she never took notes so god knows how she remembered... saying that I had a similar job to her and I had an 8 hour shift to remember and write down.... its just their job right?