Ugly, Crazy, and Attached

I have had it rough with this subject over that past year, thank you Covid for that!! I was struggling so hard when she decided to go to virtual appointments. I was seeing her twice a week and had to move to once a week also. However, the VA was changing vendors again, and I could not see her until she got her credentials. I was texting , and emailing several times a day. In a week I had sent her 23 emails. She would not always respond. No temp auhorization so Ihad to pay out of pocket but only could afford monthly. DId that for three months. I finally get to see her weekly, that was in Feb and now March 25 she tells me she is moving. I shutdown, and I write her and delete things. I feel I can't be honest with her about how I feel. Even though she is on my mind daily. I spend hrs writing her and then out of anger I delete it all. and dont say anything. If I could get myself to write her, she would have aleast 6 emails since last Thursday. i delete. I know I am attached to her and she knows it too. I avoid talking about it it doesnt make sense to me anymore to talk about it especially since she is moving.