Couch 227 - The Safe Couch

I will get stopdog to sue her after she screws me up.

Oh so thats how it is now, huh?

We're like the Slater Sisters, only not too differnt.

Oops, i meant Slaton sisters.

I am here for you. She has already changed her name - that can be pretty shady right there

Out-of-context therapy quotes from today:

Me: "I wish I was dumber."

Info: "She was cute as a kitten, but then she grew up and became a cat."

Fashion report: black lacy high-neck sleeveless top, no cleavage, heavy gold jewelry, couldn't see the rest because we're remote while I'm away this summer.

ETA: upon reflection, Info’s shoulders may be her best feature. Like Garbo in Camille shoulders.

I'm really struggling with nasty interactions from my department chair. She changed the rules about something but didn't tell any of us, and now is extremely angry with me for breaking these new rules that I didn't know about. The anger in her emails is palpable and makes other faculty who are cc:d on the emails uncomfortable.

I took the action I thought she wanted me to take, but apparently THAT was wrong, too! (Her email was unclear. Before taking any action, I consulted with the colleague who was cc:d, and neither of us could figure out for certain what she wanted me to do.)

She said in the most recent email "I'm done," so I dare not respond or try to defend myself. If she tries to bring it up on my annual review, I will pitch a holy fit, but otherwise I guess I will just have to let it go.

It is just bringing up so much emotion from a previous chair who was frankly abusive towards me, and alcoholic parents. You know the kind, where rules change from one day to the next, but you are never informed of the changes. You get punished for offenses that weren't offenses the day before, or that are only offenses when they are drunk. I'm just over being upset and on edge about this since last Wednesday.

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I have sometimes wished I were dumber. It seems it would be easier to not know some things, too not notice certain patterns, and so on.

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Exactly my thought process.

We are probably overstating the benefits, though.

You are. Overstating the benefits. I am not happy with my level of dumb.

This evening is my first Aqua Fit class, in about an hour. Looking forward to it. I have been going through the seemingly endless amount of paperwork in this house since I got off work like 2 hours ago and most of it is in the recycle bin now. Holy smokes. I vow not to let it get so out of control after we move.

Same here.

My therapist says we'll be back to IRL sessions on June 25th! The magic date is at hand!

The mold count is so high here right now that I have had to turn on the a/c just to breathe. The temp outside is around 74 - a great temp to have windows open if you are not living in a swamp. I blame global warming

Just got home from class, i had so much fun!!!

I tell ya if I could have one iota of the self-confidence that I possess when I'm in the water, I might be unstoppable.

I'm an excellent floater!

Nah, I hate being "dumb". I'm bad at recognising patterns and am a slow learner and it's incredibly frustrating.

There's pros and cons to whatever your intelligence is. And it sucks for both when your strengths aren't noticed. That's what I find is hard.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Some would argue if you're smart, you are more prone to notice things you can't change that make you lose hope, and you realize all the implications of that as well. In those situations it's probably nice to just not have to worry about it, since you don't understand or rather think of all the implications.

But it also sounds like a hassle to have to deal with not understanding certain things, taking longer than others for certain tasks, stuff like that.

I'd say as long as you're willing to try, well-intended and aware of your approximate capabilities, everyone should get along just fine... somehow that's not what I see in the world, but I think there's people who are great at explaining the world and doing research that brings us new technology almost every year, but those people aren't any more important than those that scan your groceries or clean your building. Most of the issues arise when people start to look down on others, when people who are less intelligent for whatever reason are treated differently than those in better position or vice versa.

I have an aunt who had an issue at birth that made her have a lot of learning disabilities. She is not be able to go to college and get a great job, I actually am not sure she even understands what I majored in (physics). She can't read, but she sure has an opinion on what she wants to drink and eat at the restaurant. She is a kind human being who is invested in working in a company for handicapped people, she brings joy to many of her friends as well as me and my family. And while she might not get what I studied, sometimes she notices and tells me about stuff that I would have never learned about without her. I know there's many privileges that come with being intelligent, but I wished we wouldn't tie so much of a persons value to it.

Is it not possible for me to make a comment out of frustration with myself—and which was made without reference to anyone here—to my therapist and note it here without it becoming some kind of flashpoint?

Forget I said anything. Please. It’s invalidating.

Yesterday I did payroll and I wrote down the procedures for doing payroll (because I think the company I work for needs to have a backup in case I cannot be there some day when it is time to do payroll). I showed another employee how to do it last time but then he said, can you write it down? At the end! So this time I wrote it step by step. 8 pages long hand I think. Maybe 7 pages. It was a lot. Then I typed it up and sent it to him because it needs to make sense TO HIM because HE will be the ONE who has to do payroll if something incapacitates me or I'm hospitalized or something. Anyway, that wore me out and I didn't do any more work the rest of the day. So today I came in and finished what I didn't do yesterday and did today's stuff. And now I'm bored. This is my life. So I studied my lesson for my religious class tonight and I wrote letters to my sponsored children through Compassion International. I still have like 5 hours left of work. I feel bad sometimes because I am getting paid to do nothing at times. But other times I am busy. It's hard to predict.

I need to tell regular T that I have another T now and I am not coming on Saturday. I was thinking of texting it to her. Any ideas on how to say it?

Kit, are you sure you don't want to see regular T again? Do you feel you'd maybe want a termination session? If not, that's completely OK. I mean, I just told ex-T at the end of a session that I was going to see someone else, but intended to come back at one point. I could have just as easily left and then emailed or texted her. But I'm just wondering if you'd rather tell regular T in person? Though maybe it's not worth it financially or in terms of time. Just stuff to consider.

Yeah, I tried to tell her last time and I didn't. She's so nice, she's just also so very scattered. I'm kind of being a chicken by not wanting to tell her in person. I think she'd be okay with it but I'd feel guilty as heck. She's been nothing but nice to me but I feel like we aren't getting anywhere. She helped me through stopping SH but it seems like now she just keeps saying how well I'm doing because I am not SH-ing. So it's like we aren't working on anything. I just feel like I'm being a chicken but I doubt I can tell her in person.

My job can be like that too, hard to predict. Sometimes we have literally thousands of messages from members that we need to process and we're working tons of overtime to meet our service levels, then there's times like right now, when we have only 500-700 messages that have to get out per day and they let us leave early (unpaid) or stay and do online trainings.

Slumber - thats probably the conversation you most need to have. I say this because im a HUGE doorbell ditcher! We dont expect the other person to act and react rationally if we just tell them what we want, probably because our mother never did. No, she had to win every fight. So we avoid all confrontation now.

Well not any more! This morning i sent my apartment manager an email telling him to convert my heat unit LAST (on friday), not FIRST (at 10 am today!). Well i asked nicely, pointing out that this was the first time i had missed the deadline. And the guys didnt even knock!

You put all that energy into writing up your work process. It seems kinda symbolic for you wanting to quit this t. Speaking up for myself has been one of the greatest things ive learned to do for myself. I will be here cheering you on.