[20oney]

I’ve been seeing my current T for close to three years now and I just want to cry with her but I’m still not able to. I keep trying to tell myself that I can trust her and that it’s okay, but I forget all of that when I’m there.
I don’t have words for why I want to cry in that room with her, I just want to know what it is going to be like I guess.

My last session was, a bit rough. We confronted some heavy stuff, but the session kind of ended with my T suggesting that we need to make some therapy goals which just felt really off topic and somewhat dismissive. I guess it’s all a part of the journey but, here I am

[Lostislost]

Hi, have you told her you want to cry in session with her but can't? Maybe you just aren't ready to cry yet, and that's ok. Don't be too hard on yourself because you haven't been able to cry in front of her yet.

As for the therapy goals, I don't think my T has ever tried to set any but we may be in a different kind of therapy. Or they might be trying to find out what you want from therapy by setting goals, if it isn't obvious to them.

[20oney]

Originally Posted by Lostislost

Hi, have you told her you want to cry in session with her but can't? Maybe you just aren't ready to cry yet, and that's ok. Don't be too hard on yourself because you haven't been able to cry in front of her yet.

As for the therapy goals, I don't think my T has ever tried to set any but we may be in a different kind of therapy. Or they might be trying to find out what you want from therapy by setting goals, if it isn't obvious to them.

I probably haven’t explicitly said that I want to cry with her, no. I’ve felt like I’ve been ready to cry with her for the last year or so, I just never do make it.

My therapy “goal” has always been to feel better. But we’re at a point where I don’t want to feel better anymore because I don’t believe it is possible. So I’m going to need to come up with some other goal I guess 🤷🏻*♀️

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by 20oney

I probably haven’t explicitly said that I want to cry with her, no. I’ve felt like I’ve been ready to cry with her for the last year or so, I just never do make it.

My therapy “goal” has always been to feel better. But we’re at a point where I don’t want to feel better anymore because I don’t believe it is possible. So I’m going to need to come up with some other goal I guess 🤷🏻*♀️

your first post in this thread you stated you wanted to know what crying in therapy was like and thats why you want to do it in therapy.

crying in therapy feels the same way as crying not in therapy except you have someone watching you do it. for some people it feels good to have someone else watch them cry and for others its an embarrassment.

suggestion next time you start crying outside of therapy think about how you would feel at that moment with your therapist right there watching you cry. then you will know how it will feel for you to cry in therapy.

another suggestion is think about how when you cry outside of therapy how you feel about crying around your friends and family. this will also tell you how you will feel if you cry in therapy..

crying in therapy isnt about trust or whether you have told your therapist you want to cry or not in therapy.

crying is a basic emotion that is based on how you feel. some people when they feel very excited and happy they cry, some people cry when they are sad, some people cry when they are angry.

crying is individualized based on how you express your own emotions.

if you are a person who expresses their emotions by crying then it will happen inside therapy just like it happens outside therapy.... based on your own emotions and natural, normal responses.

if you are not normally a person who expresses their emotions by crying outside of therapy the odds are very slim that you will cry in therapy.

therapy does not depend on whether a person cries in therapy or not. its about talking about your problems in your life. Talking out how to fix those problems then going home and doing those things to fix your problems.

a therapist once told me when I told her that I wanted to cry with her...

Why? your way of expressing yourself is not through tears. you express yourself in your painting, you express yourself in your words when you talk, you grew up with a strong cultural background that you dont sit there wallowing in your pain you do something about it. why would it be different now? its not going to happen and quite frankly if you cried now in therapy after all these years I would question the validity of those tears. like a child who was raised on a farm doesnt suddenly as an adult show fear of a horse. like a child who grew up in the forest doesnt one day in front of others cry about going into the forest. crying has never been your way of expressing emotions and its not going to start being that way now. you cant cry in therapy simply because thats not your bodies way of expressing your emotions. home work assignment keep track of how many times this week you cried. keep track this week if you didnt cry when ever encountering something emotional how you actually handled the situation and this will show you whether you are a crier or a do'er. A wallower or a pick your self up and fix the problem. or whether you are somewhere in between. I discovered I am not a crier unless I am extremely frightened. and then I dont just sit there crying, the tears of fright are there but so is the will and need to get to the phone or fix the problem.

your not crying in therapy may just now be how you normally express your self. and thats ok if you dont cry in therapy.

[Salmon77]

Sometimes it can help to make some small, concrete goals that are really attainable. So that you can see progress really is possible. Maybe you could ask her what kind of goals she means, though.

Sounds like maybe opening up enough/feeling safe enough to cry with her is a goal for you?

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Sometimes it can help to make some small, concrete goals that are really attainable. So that you can see progress really is possible. Maybe you could ask her what kind of goals she means, though.

Sounds like maybe opening up enough/feeling safe enough to cry with her is a goal for you?

Good point.