Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

stopdog · Sep 01, 2021, 05:29 PM

I certainly agree the therapist sounds like a giant jerkwad -but he always has. This example is not his worst in my opinion.

unaluna · Sep 01, 2021, 06:03 PM

I keep going back to chihiro's family and their latest inconsiderateness during their command visit and their command performance of you. At least your program director is paying you, indirectly. But how can you know what is reasonable when youve never had reasonable directed to you? Or how to expect it of others? To me its still an unknown quantity. Do people see me?

ElectricManatee · Sep 01, 2021, 06:06 PM

Even if you are narcissistic, arrogant, and judgmental (which is a big "if"), I don't see how your therapist saying all that is helpful. He sounds like he doesn't know what to do to help you so he's just going to get frustrated and apply a bunch of labels instead. Even referring to your (alleged) BPD all the time is annoying if you're not open to seeing yourself that way and/or it isn't actually accurate. The patterns and dynamics aren't going to change by making you feel defensive regardless of whatever the objective "truth" of your personality is.

ETA: I think you seem delightful, fyi, and not any more messed up than any of the rest of us.

NP_Complete · Sep 01, 2021, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

One last thing: Your T seems really hung up on labels here (narcissism, arrogant), and I'm not sure how that's helpful?

You forgot BPD. He also seems hung up on that one. It makes me a little sad, chihiro, that you seem to have accepted some of these labels from him. And honestly, he seems to be leaning towards the narcissistic side himself at times.

NP_Complete · Sep 01, 2021, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

ETA: I think you seem delightful, fyi, and not any more messed up than any of the rest of us.

100% agree with this. Obviously, we don't know you IRL, but I don't get arrogance or narcissism or BPD vibes from you at all.

atisketatasket · Sep 01, 2021, 08:38 PM

So I'm up to 4 student covid cases, 3 in the same class (the big class, of course), plus a few others out with symptoms and waiting on test results. I've started getting tested every day I'm on campus. Is it me, or is it insane in the age of Delta to put 200 or so college students, 60% of whom self-report (for what that's worth) that they're vaccinated, in a poorly ventilated and partially underground room that holds exactly that number, so no spacing out, have a mask mandate when half of them don't wear the mask properly (and also the room gets so hot and airless the masks are really uncomfortable--I want to take mine off), the masks are the 10-12% effective cloth and disposable masks, and expect no outbreaks?

I don't think I've been physically close to any of the sick students, but I guess I should ask Info if she wants to do our next session virtually to be safer.

chihirochild · Sep 01, 2021, 08:47 PM

Thanks, Couch -- I very much appreciate everyone's perspective, and it's nice to hear that I don't appear to be especially bonkers

I'm trying not to cut off my nose to spite my face or throw the baby out with the bathwater or whatever = I'm trying to take in what T and others are saying about going from "this person is bad at their job in a way that affects me negatively" straight to "this person is a crappy human." I don't like being this mad all the time.

chihirochild · Sep 01, 2021, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

So I'm up to 4 student covid cases, 3 in the same class (the big class, of course), plus a few others out with symptoms and waiting on test results. I've started getting tested every day I'm on campus. Is it me, or is it insane in the age of Delta to put 200 or so college students, 60% of whom self-report (for what that's worth) that they're vaccinated, in a poorly ventilated and partially underground room that holds exactly that number, so no spacing out, have a mask mandate when half of them don't wear the mask properly (and also the room gets so hot and airless the masks are really uncomfortable--I want to take mine off), the masks are the 10-12% effective cloth and disposable masks, and expect no outbreaks?

I don't think I've been physically close to any of the sick students, but I guess I should ask Info if she wants to do our next session virtually to be safer.

Seems pretty clearly insane to me.

stopdog · Sep 01, 2021, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Thanks, Couch -- I very much appreciate everyone's perspective, and it's nice to hear that I don't appear to be especially bonkers

I'm trying not to cut off my nose to spite my face or throw the baby out with the bathwater or whatever = I'm trying to take in what T and others are saying about going from "this person is bad at their job in a way that affects me negatively" straight to "this person is a crappy human." I don't like being this mad all the time.

The good news is that you have control over how you choose to respond internally as well as externally.
I always think it is good to have choices.

stopdog · Sep 01, 2021, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

So I'm up to 4 student covid cases, 3 in the same class (the big class, of course), plus a few others out with symptoms and waiting on test results. I've started getting tested every day I'm on campus. Is it me, or is it insane in the age of Delta to put 200 or so college students, 60% of whom self-report (for what that's worth) that they're vaccinated, in a poorly ventilated and partially underground room that holds exactly that number, so no spacing out, have a mask mandate when half of them don't wear the mask properly (and also the room gets so hot and airless the masks are really uncomfortable--I want to take mine off), the masks are the 10-12% effective cloth and disposable masks, and expect no outbreaks?

That sounds nuts.
I am at a private university so they have required vaccines of everyone and we all have to wear masks at school unless alone in our offices. So far, none of my students have had to quarantine this semester and I really haven't heard of anyone's students having been quarantined this semester. They have some of what I consider to be bonkers rules for the students but I cannot object to the results so far. My state is a deep red goofus state so luckily my university is not bound by the nutjob governor in this sort of thing.

velcro003 · Sep 01, 2021, 08:58 PM

UGH, I am pretty sure my AC unit is dying. I am sure my landlady will replace it, but my home is not really fit for other humans. I would have a LOT of cleaning to do to make sure she doesn't kick me out for not keeping up my end of the lease. I just hope it will last through tomorrow so I can have time to clean after work. There is so much to do and it is overwhelming and I hate myself. Ugh.

atisketatasket · Sep 01, 2021, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

That sounds nuts.
I am at a private university so they have required vaccines of everyone and we all have to wear masks at school unless alone in our offices. So far, none of my students have had to quarantine this semester and I really haven't heard of anyone's students having been quarantined this semester. They have some of what I consider to be bonkers rules for the students but I cannot object to the results so far. My state is a deep red goofus state so luckily my university is not bound by the nutjob governor in this sort of thing.

The joys of private college teaching.

I am less concerned about getting sick myself than every class being a potential superspreader event.

StressedMess · Sep 01, 2021, 09:57 PM

My kid's school is back to e-learning for 10 days starting tomorrow. She's been doing SO well in-person for the first time since March 2020, and was excited about school for the first time in a long time. Last year was an abysmal failure at e-learning, with her depression and anxiety; she frankly just didn't put forth any effort. I'm worried she'll head down that path again.

We are one of the states where the ACLU is suing the schools for the lack of mask mandates. This week our district has 511 confirmed positive students and over 600 symptomatic-but-not-yet-confirmed cases. Staff are also halved, and a bus driver and substitute teacher shortage is making things even harder.

I feel so guilty for sending her in-person, despite how horrible last year was, and how unsuited she is for e-learning, because I knew it was going to be bad with cases rising in our area. I don't know if she was 100% mask-wearing, distanced, etc. because she is a teenager and she probably followed the crowd. My kid contributed to this situation, absolutely, but I have to take the blame for it as her parent.

I don't think I can imagine a future without this virus.

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LonesomeTonight · Sep 02, 2021, 05:33 AM

Hugs, StressedMess. I'm sorry you and your daughter are dealing with that. It's so difficult dealing with kids being back in school now, generally at full capacity.

My daughter was able to return this past March 5 days a week (as she has an IEP), but most kids either just twice a week or entirely remote. So masks were worn, desks were 6 feet apart, and they even had desks instead of tables in the cafeteria to ensure distancing. So I felt more comfortable with it. She had really struggled with virtual, too, and in-person was so much better for her.

Now, schools are at full capacity. She's too young to be vaccinated (10), as are all the other students. They do have to wear masks all day except while eating, but the cafeteria is full capacity, too, which really worries me. They have assigned seating there (to make contact tracing easier) and are putting up plexiglas dividers on the tables, but I've heard they don't help that much. Supposedly, they've improved all the HVAC systems, and I think they're running continuously to have air exchange from the outside. They're going to allow a bit of outside seating for lunch (parents pushed for that), but it hasn't started yet.

My county school system also has no real plan for when kids have to quarantine (just getting assignments posted online--no synchronous learning) or if they have to shut down in-person schools entirely again (and they've said they will only shut down and resume virtual if the state requires it). I feel like I'm just waiting for the inevitable notice that she'll have to quarantine for 10 days--or worse, that she has Covid. I wish they would hurry up and approve vaccines for her age group, but I've heard anything between October and early 2022. I feel like I'm just sitting here holding my breath until then...

All that being said, I think we're doing the right thing in sending her, because she really needs in person. And it sounds like you're definitely doing the right thing for your daughter as well.

I was starting to have hope for a future where the virus would either mostly be gone or be just like the flu (seasonal, annual vaccines, generally not a serious illness), but delta has taken away my hopes.

Quietmind 2 · 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

I'm so confused right now. My BF "laughed" at a serious comment I made about trauma over text message. It felt to me like another instance of him not understanding things that are psychologically complicated (this sort of thing has happened before). BF and I talked about it calmly and respectfully.

I brought this to my T, and he said it was another instance of me being narcissistic -- prematurely certain, overly judgmental of others. He was getting increasingly riled up, and when I asked him why he appeared so angry, he said he was "offended by [my] arrogance" regarding my belief that my BF doesn't always understand psychologically complex things (even though my T has said himself that my BF is "emotionally stunted" -- T's words, not mine). T said it seemed like I was just arguing with him instead of trying to understand what he was saying. (I felt like I was trying hard to understand what T was saying and was verbally working through how his perspective differed from mine in order to achieve understanding... in part, because I spent some time thinking silently and T asked me to tell him what I was thinking so I freaking did.)

He said that being mad at my program director for not giving me my schedule is another example of this behaviour. I just do not understand -- I think it's fair to want my schedule more than 24h in advance, and that my PD failing to do that is wrong (especially since she spends all this time saying how great she is and how much she cares about us fellows). He said that it's possible that I'm right that the PD is being inconsiderate; the problem is my certainty or level of judgement or something. But, like, I am right here?!?? Most housestaff unions require 30 day notice of any schedule changes (unfortunately, we're not a part of a union, but I'm just saying that's the industry standard). She's not doing that, and her not doing that is making my life worse. I believe that's evidence of her being a crappy person, not to mention a hypocrite b/c she's always telling us how much she cares about us and how good she is at her job. I think it's fair to conclude, based on this instance and many others, that she's a crappy human in some domains of her life. I'm not saying there aren't aspects of my life in which I am a crappy human, because there are.

I just don't get what he's saying (v I don't agree), and I'm annoyed that my T is getting pissy with me for not getting it/agreeing with him, *especially* since he is so adamant that I am not only BPD but also narcissistic and this purported inability to see others' perspective is a hallmark of the damn disease he insists I have.

(If he knew I was posting this, he'd say I was being narcissistic/overly certain/judgmental again, and seeking outside perspectives for validation again, instead of trying to really understand what he was saying.)

Your T is amazingly TERRIBLE and shouldn't be seeing you or especially folks with BPD.

Chronically invalidating upbringing is one major factor for the development of BPD + his pattern of chronically invalidating someone with allegedly BPD in therapy = I feel he's harmful.

Therapists with that judgmental, critical mindset are terrible.

Edit: whoops sorry, I thought you had a BPD diagnosis, so edited my post. And even if you did have BPD, that approach doesn't work.

Quote:

What is perceived as emotional manipulation is, in fact, a far more complex phenomenon that comes not from a place of malice, but one of overwhelming distress filtered through profoundly disordered coping skills.

Understanding BPD Emotional Manipulation Techniques and How Treatment Can Help – Bridges to Recovery

StressedMess · Sep 02, 2021, 06:48 AM

LT

I'm sorry you are going through it too. Parenting sure didn't come with a handbook.

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Polibeth · Sep 02, 2021, 07:47 AM

My Dad and his wife are going on vacation leaving me at their house for 5 days watching their dog. I'm nervous I'm going to lose the dog (she's a tiny chihuahua and tends to hide) - and being in this house all alone. I'm moving into my own apartment in October so I guess I need to get used to being all alone.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 02, 2021, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMess

LT

I'm sorry you are going through it too. Parenting sure didn't come with a handbook.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

Thanks, it sure doesn't! And even if it did--I doubt there would be a section on "Parenting During a Pandemic."

LonesomeTonight · Sep 02, 2021, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

My Dad and his wife are going on vacation leaving me at their house for 5 days watching their dog. I'm nervous I'm going to lose the dog (she's a tiny chihuahua and tends to hide) - and being in this house all alone. I'm moving into my own apartment in October so I guess I need to get used to being all alone.

Is it possible to get one of those tracking devices (like a GPS or bluetooth thing) for her collar or something? Not like the microchip in case she's lost--one of the devices where you could check on where she is in the house if you can't find her (like Find my iPhone).

Someone more technologically knowledgeable help me out here...

Polibeth · Sep 02, 2021, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Is it possible to get one of those tracking devices (like a GPS or bluetooth thing) for her collar or something? Not like the microchip in case she's lost--one of the devices where you could check on where she is in the house if you can't find her (like Find my iPhone).

Someone more technologically knowledgeable help me out here...

Actually she does have one of those devices on her collar but I don't have the app on my phone so I'd have to call Dad or his wife if I lose her. She's tiny and great at hiding - I'm just overly nervous about her being ok

atisketatasket · Sep 02, 2021, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

So I'm up to 4 student covid cases, 3 in the same class (the big class, of course), plus a few others out with symptoms and waiting on test results. I've started getting tested every day I'm on campus. Is it me, or is it insane in the age of Delta to put 200 or so college students, 60% of whom self-report (for what that's worth) that they're vaccinated, in a poorly ventilated and partially underground room that holds exactly that number, so no spacing out, have a mask mandate when half of them don't wear the mask properly (and also the room gets so hot and airless the masks are really uncomfortable--I want to take mine off), the masks are the 10-12% effective cloth and disposable masks, and expect no outbreaks?

I don't think I've been physically close to any of the sick students, but I guess I should ask Info if she wants to do our next session virtually to be safer.

Ha ha add another case (one of the ones waiting on test results). The earliest case (who was positive before classes started) has been cleared to return, but that's still 3 active cases, 2 in the last 24 hours.

And Info doesn't want to be in the same room with me while this is going on. Can't blame her at all.

Have to say, in the past 18 months I've done my own shopping, gone to the gym when it was open, kept appointments in-person with doctors and dentists and other professionals, eaten indoors at restaurants, flown on planes...yet teaching this one huge class in-person feels like the most dangerous thing I've done.

I'll be over here in the corner (virtually) socially distancing. Miasma is contagious, you know.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Sep 02, 2021, 11:26 AM

Yeah, there's no way you'd get me into a lecture hall that's fully packed right now...

Hope you have some good masks for when you have to see them.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 02, 2021, 11:32 AM

Yikes, @@. Stay safe and well. It does seem rather crazy to pack lecture halls right now.

ArtieTheSequal · Sep 02, 2021, 11:35 AM

I woke up this morning with (what I hope is just) a generic stomach bug, have to keep running to the bathroom today which is disrupting my work flow. I'm fully vaccinated so not overly worried about it being COVID especially since I don't have any other symptoms, but I did just travel upstate 8/19-8/22 so you never know. I should probably cancel my session tomorrow just out of caution.

SlumberKitty · Sep 02, 2021, 11:50 AM

Went out to dinner last night with my bestie. We hadn't seen each other since July 7, 2021. It was nice to get together. The restaurant was mostly empty and we sat in the corner. I did well ordering a salad at a burger joint. Even though their burgers are so good. I treated and my friend protested and then said she'll get it next time. I told her I had just paid off some debt so I was okay to pay. She's been going to Vegas every other weekend since her Mom died of Covid in Feb or March and that gets expensive. (Family lives there.) We hugged too which was nice. We didn't wear masks as we were eating. I'm vaccinated I'm not sure if she is. But it felt relatively safe. My sister who is a preschool teacher just had a kid test positive for Covid so they are shut down for either 10 days or 2 weeks. Not sure which. I think the school is still trying to figure it out. My niece goes to that preschool so I am understandably worried that she will have caught the virus but there's nothing I can do about it but just wait and see. I had tickets to go to Disneyland this weekend but am forfeiting them because of the virus. Seems too risky. Of course they are non-refundable tickets, but it is worth losing the money then going and getting sick, or I am fine and getting others sick because I'm asymptomatic or something.

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