Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

So now your feelings are wrong? You've accurately evaluated the situation and you haven't acted inappropriately, but the way you're feeling about it is wrong because you feel that way because you think you're superior to this person? Ok, got it.

I spend a lot of time feeling like my feelings are wrong, so I've also spent a lot of time in therapy with my therapist telling me that my feelings are valid. Your therapist frustrates me.

I don't see the t as saying the feelings are wrong so much as the feelings are resulting from some errors in thinking - more of a cognitive thing. If we can become aware of our thinking errors (cognitive distortions), theoretically, our feelings will resolve. I'm guessing that is where the therapist is coming from maybe.

I don't think that the therapist is saying the feelings are invalid but how they're expressed. Dilatory boss when you want to make plans, it's frustrating.

I guess for me, chihiro, it's just that that your perfectly natural frustration goes from 0 to 60 for you so fast (the whole slow to schedule >> she's a crappy person thing or bf laughed at trauma in an easily misinterpreted medium >> he doesn't get it). That's not the same as narcissism, but it does suggest that underneath you've been deeply wounded (or re-wounded) by something that in the grand scheme of things can be relatively minor, like the failure to get a schedule in on time, and that suggests it really struck at your sense of self. Like that you're not worth what you think you are/should be or what other people seem to be worth.

Again, that's not narcissism. It seems more like a coping strategy to me--though your therapist might say that's what narcissism is, I don't know.

I don't understand this at all. You're frustrated with your boss for not giving you a schedule--how does that equate to having a sense of superiority over her?


And I would be really bothered if my therapist told me he'd wanted to "take me down to size" (though it wouldn't surprise me if he'd had that thought on a couple occasions...). This sounds like so much of his response is coming from countertransference. I mean, he even basically admits it! The irony to all this is that he seems to be passing judgment on you for...passing judgment on people. And also seems like he has a sense of superiority over you as well.

I understand the idea, which Artley mentions, of challenging your thought processes. But he can do that without labeling you in that way. I'm not sure how he thinks going about it in this manner will be helpful to you?

The heat finally broke a little here. I am going to practice riding my bike to my office this weekend when traffic is less - I used to commute to work by bicycle but stopped after a couple of unfortunate car clocking incidents. I don't know if I am fully ready to try again or not - I love commuting by bicycle but I really hate getting whacked into by cars whose driver is not paying any attention to the person dressed like an ansi clad power ranger in the bike lane

Well, L didn't budge much on her fees. I'll mostly be saving by reducing sessions slowly to once a week. I hope H will be okay with it. This month I'll save $330, next month around $480, and then finally $600.

No if only I could quit smoking! It's hard when my family smokes and H enables me. They don't like seeing me under stress or being irritable, so they encourage me to smoke.

Our town has been doing all these Healthy Streets initiatives during covid to block streets AND open all kindsa walking and biking lanes. Of course we are the best place in the world to live, and not just because i am here.

Okay, but what if this is meta? I mean, you are paying him to tell you if you are coming off as obnoxious, because who else in your world is going to tell you? Nobody. They are just going to ghost you or otherwise discount you. My feeling is that a t is not finding you PERSONALLY obnoxious, to where he would not want to work with you (THAT WOULD be countertransference), but that usually a t would try to steer you in a better direction. Ie one that gets you better relationships.

Eg look at your t more as a DBT manual.

You all have lead in your water and it is a frigid snow laden tundra for 6 mos out of the year

I would think figuring out how to deal with life when it doesn't go your way is an idea. One can be frustrated and want something without having an internal melt down of atom bomb proportion- if only because it doesn't sound like a fun way to live. There are hierarchies in medicine and in law and in academia as well as most other places. I can get angry at a horrible judge (and there are a lot of them) for not issuing an order on time or ignoring my exclusionary dates (I have had to cancel trips for example -and it is not fun but having an internal hissy that goes on for a long time is only upsetting me -not the judge and I still have to figure out how to deal with the court). Also most people are not being incompetent at someone personally. As someone who finds western medicine broken in general (and often I believe that of american law) - I can see where it can be frustrating for all involved (mds, people seeking health assistance, rns, staff etc). But again, none of it is personal. To me, the good news is that there are choices - you can choose to stay in this program and finish out the year even though you have frustrations. You could choose to leave it - there might be repercussions you don't want, but it is a choice. You could choose to react differently to what you cannot control - that sort of thing. One could even spend time planning on how you will be different to your fellows/staff when you direct something. At the same time, I do recognize that there can be a pleasure in disliking and being angry at something.

It's interesting that you mention DBT because so much of DBT is about the *opposite* of this kind of thing. A lot of people struggle because of chronic invalidation, and if that's the case, validation actually helps some of their more bothersome symptoms go away. It helps the person learn to validate their own feelings and become less reactive. The core of mindfulness is observing your experience (emotions, perceptions, etc) in a calm, non-judgmental way. Feedback that the struggling person construes as criticism (particularly when it is criticism!) is just going to make things worse.

For me being on the well-endowed side it's awkward, but not painful. I've always had female techs so that makes it easier knowing they've been through it too and we can always share a laugh about the ridiculous poses they put me to get the best pictures.

Ha! Not with global warming! "We're not on the Fiddler's Roof anymore, Totski!"

My dr appt went well this morning, she basically said that the low number could just be an acute thing due to the hot summers we have here/dehydration and I have to get it checked again in a month, then again in another month, and I see her again in 3 months. She wants to watch it over time. She also said it's something new the lab is doing, putting the diagnostic paragraphs in; I of course took it as having more meaning than it did not even thinking it might be something new. She's not overly concerned right now so that made me feel better. She said I'm doing all the right things anyway with walking/swimming and working on eating healthier/losing weight like I've been doing since early to mid July.

Am i the only carpenters dream on this site? ("flat as a board!") Ive always hated mine. They try to xray the skin on my neck, i guess since i have no boobs. Then i sweat and my skin sticks and pinches. The last time my nipple got folded under and she got snippy with me for being such a baby. Like ive never had this done before and didnt know THAT WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! Witch. Im not going back. Im waiting for cancer-sniffing dogs.

Eek. I've never really had a bad experience with it. Uncomfortable yeah but not bad. I have to go get another one here soon, dr gave me the orders today so I have to make an appt. She also wants them to do some kind of thyroid scan as well because my numbers are off a little even though I'm taking my meds.

Sweetie, I've lived in your town. It is not the best place in the world to live. The marijuana fug over the whole place just makes it seem that way.

Seriously they keep announcing it on the internet.

The internet says a lot of things. Like humans can take horse ivermectin without harm.

Which reminds me, no one told me they have covid today. It was nice.

I AM in a fug. I thought SD had called me "sweetie".

I think her pet name for you is “snoogie woogie wookums.”

Are you going for a quadruple Ack?

Oh good lord all of you

You know it, babe.

A search of my old posts indicates that the quadruple Ack has been on my bucket list since 2016.

I would think lead in the water might be a bit of a concern still