Couch 232: Not Sully!

Busy day at work, taking calls all day again and as usual, no rest for the wicked sooner than you hang up from one, the next one is beeping in. 4 hours to go, lunch break almost over.


Hugs/headnods around as appropriate.

Feeling sad and depressed today. Not sure why. I see my T tomorrow, the IOP Individual one. She's great. She is strict with me and she pushes me but I still like her. I know if I saw her today she would be prodding and poking me to try to figure out where the sadness is coming from. I think I am feeling a bit lonely too.

Hugs, Kit.

Monterey Bay Aquarium are streaming an 'emergenSea' cam of the bay while Fb and insta are out.

Today, Dr. T and I briefly discussed remembering anniversaries, particularly negative ones for me (I have a negative one coming up Thursday). He asked if I thought I'd ever just stop remembering them. He said how, for example, he no longer remembers the anniversary of the first date with his first serious girlfriend, which was probably 30 years ago. I said how it was different because it was presumably a positive memory, unless, say, she went on to destroy his life or really hurt him.

Oh, how I was curious to ask about his first serious girlfriend. I resisted though!

Got a call from the dr while I was still on the clock for work, saying that the results are in for my thyroid scan. She said there's something called a "solid hypoechoic nodule" whatever the heck that is on the right gland and that I have to get another ultrasound in a year. So now that I have logged off work, it's time to google. I couldn't stay on the phone with her earlier to ask more questions cuz I was taking calls and just happened to have someone on hold so I could talk to her for a few seconds anyway. She said we would talk more about it at my next appt in early December. I shall assume that if this can wait for 2 months to talk about, that it's not overly concerning.

Hugs, Artie. I agree that if it can wait until December, likely nothing serious.

Thyroid activity is extremely easy to treat. It's usually just pills.

For the first time in two years, I seem to be getting my regular semester cold. Tonsils hurt, stiff neck, body aches.

I suppose it could be the other thing too, so I should get tested on campus tomorrow. *ptooey*

Since the other thing hit, between mask wearing and sanitation, I haven't been sick. I'll take a cold over the other thing, but I'd rather not have either.

Hope you feel better soon!

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Unfortunately, I know of several teachers, fully vaccinated, who have had to be out with Covid in the last few weeks. But it is so hard to tell anymore because it presents as a bad cold for most who are vaccinated. Hope it IS just a cold. My son got a cold recently and tested negative - he double-checked because he is student teaching. I had my 3rd vaccination two weeks ago plus I've had Covid, so I'm hoping I'm about as safe as I can reasonably get at this point.

On a completely different topic . . . my catalytic converter was stolen off my car right in my school parking lot while I was working, just steps away from the building. They're going to check cameras for any possible video. Just finished filing the police report. SO pissed! Not how I planned on spending my money.

what on earth is a catalytic converter?! I know I can google it, but I am lazy.

Artie, I don't know how you can take phone calls all day...not to mention unhappy customers! (I originally typed "costumers" lol)

I am nervous for my session on Wednesday. I feel like I am failing therapy/don't deserve it/she wants me to quit. She reassured me in an email that she looks forward to seeing me. but that doesn't MEAN she doesn't think I don't need help anymore.

Artley, that sucks! Wheres a Texas Ranger when you need one? Remember the super sensitive car alarms from the 80's, you bump into a car and it goes off. I cant believe theyre doing it on school property. I hope the video shows something. That is just unbelievable.

I had to google where it was. Like up behind the drivers side right front tire, as part of the exhaust system. I always thought it was tiny like a spark plug(?!) but its like a big sub sandwich. Cost about a grand - sold for precious metals contained therein.

If it is the other thing, I have to stay home for ten days and one of my colleagues has to sub for me—absolutely no, no, no teaching on Zoom despite the millions spent on Zoomifying the classrooms last year.

Sorry about the catalytic converter. That’s actually a crime, either that or selling it, so I hope there’s video.

Yeah, the catalytic converter thieves are out in force in my city as well, but it's usually under the cover of darkness. Pretty bold doing it in broad daylight at a school.

Today was a clusterf*%K. My court hearing for the restraining order was at 1pm. Usually takes 5 or 10 minutes. My session was also scheduled for 1pm. P didn't feel comfortable giving out his office wifi password so I could do the court thing at the beginning of our session, but he said we could do 2 pm instead. I don't know if he thought I was going to hack into his office network or something?? Anyway my case didn't get called until 2:05 pm. The judge was asking all kinds of questions to the people in front of me. I was scared he was going to grill me as well and I was going to have to talk about what happened and get triggered by it. Thankfully he didn't ask me as many questions, but it was still stressful nonetheless. P and I ended up doing a 30 minute phone session instead.

Unfortunately, tomorrow I have jury duty, so who knows what will happen and if I will be able to go to Wednesday's session. I'm stressed about that as well. 1. Pandemic. 2. I have to walk a good distance + bad knee. 3. What if the trial is something that hits too close to home.

He's out of town this weekend so if we can't meet Wed. that's it. I have some anniversaries coming up too. Wedding anniversary that for some reason still hits a sore spot for me and the anniversary of my father's death. I'm stressed. I don't know if I'm dissociated, but the world feels wrong lately and I find that distressing. It's too quiet and I don't feel a part of it. I feel like the bottom's about to drop out.

Well, that's ridiculous . Much better to have a colleague who is presumably not an expert in the subject matter of the class serve as a substitute and teach in person rather than...gasp!... use the Zoom that they told us was the greatest thing since sliced bread for the past twelve months.

Makes as much sense as anything else in academia?

I hope it's just a cold.

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That all sounds so stressful, NP, I'm sorry. Hugs if wanted. For the jury duty, when I've been, if you actually make it to the selection stage, they go through a part where the lawyers ask questions of the audience. One being if you've been a victim of a crime, another if you've been accused of a crime. Then you can go up an tell the judge/attorneys (quietly), the nature of the crime.

So if it does hit close to home, I don't think you' need to be that specific about the crime, but I doubt the defendant's attorney would want you on the jury, so you'd be dismissed.

Thanks, been on those for many years. This is just something new at least for me.

I had a very similar conversation with my T yesterday! My T said that we have a long history of caring for each other even though I felt bad right at that moment and that she doesn't want me to go away. My attachment stuff was all activated as she said this so I didn't really believe her, but it was nice to hear anyway. It actually sounds from your Dear T posts like you're on the cusp of big things with her, so she's probably intrigued to hear more about what you want to tell her.

Thyroid nodules are usually benign and even if they're not, they grow extremely slowly. My wife has a wonky thyroid and recently had to get a needle biopsy to verify that her nodules are benign, which was a little unpleasant but outpatient and quick. I think most nodules can be monitored with regular ultrasounds, though.