Couch 232: Not Sully!

The sadness with grieving comes and goes. Expect it may come back to you on occasion. That's completely normal. That's good. Normal, healthy grieving.

I agree that it's normal. And it has nothing to do with how much you respected or loved the animal or person you lost. I've had this happen before. Sometimes it was more of a delayed reaction, by days, weeks, or even longer. Like I find myself sobbing at something seemingly minor or like a TV show, and I think it could be displaced grief (not sure if that's an official term). Or at a different loss that is comparatively small.

Please try not to feel bad that you aren't reacting like you feel you "should."

So in a weird coincidence (perhaps synchronicity?), Dr. T saved a bird from the same sort of netting a couple weeks ago. (Apparently it's called deer netting.)

I don't believe that going on with life means that you did not love someone (pets included).

So they think it was the pain meds they gave us to give to her after the surgery. I'm glad the doctor is trying to help us. If that is what caused it, it's no one's fault. I just want an answer if possible. She was a healthy and happy baby. This shouldn't have happened.

So sorry Scarlet, HUGS. Hope you get an answer. Kit

Just got out of a meeting about my complaints about the disability accommodations procedures at my school. Bunch of deans, basically. Chiding German chair showed up for support, which really is the least she could do.

Anyway, I expect nothing to get better, despite promises, so I've also got a meeting with an employment lawyer lined up (not to sue, but for a consultation on what exactly my rights are and whether the law is being fulfilled). And a new accommodation request I'm going to submit soon, which I can tell already will go wrong.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm glad they're getting ER visit paid for and free autopsy.


I can understand why you want an answer, especially on the off chance it's something that could affect your other dogs, like an illness or something in the environment (not to worry you! It just comes up in guinea pig groups I'm in if one passes suddenly and the person has other pigs).

I hope something improves for you. It's good that you're consulting a lawyer, at least to know your rights and options. And I wonder if it might help move things along to let the school know that you are consulting a lawyer (even if you have no intention to sue or anything like that).

Hugs atisketatasket I'm sorry you are having to go through this with your workplace. It isn't fair!

Has anyone's T (in the US) gotten out of jury duty by saying they're an important worker during a mental health crisis (with the pandemic) or anything like that? Dr. T seems to think he can get out of it that way when he reports Monday, but I have my doubts... He also seems to think that neither side would want a psychologist on the jury, which I could maybe see, depending on what the case is. In my county, I think you just go the one day, and if you don't get picked for a trial, then you're done for 3 years--at least, that's how it worked for me in the same county (hm, that was more than 3 years ago, actually, so I'm probably due). When I went, the case they wanted a jury for settled right before they were going to choose jurors, so was a short day.


He's assuming he won't be picked and has set up his schedule such that he might still be able to see me the usual days if he gets released soon enough. But I'm more concerned he'll get picked for a trial and need to be out for a week or more, depending on what the trial is.

FWIW, Former T said she never had to serve because she said what she did and that people were depending on her for their mental health and she has never had to serve a day of jury duty. But I don't think that's a guarantee. I think some judges are more reasonable than others. And it might depend on how long they have been trying to pick a jury for a particular case. Sorry that's not that reassuring. I just don't think the profession has a get out of jury duty card. But hopefully Dr. T won't have to serve and you can see him as scheduled. Kit

More good news! I talked to the apartment manager and she said they won't evict us so long as we keep paying full rent. They will take us to collections for back rent, but at least we can stay here. Phew!

Nothing makes up for the loss of my dog, but all of the progress today is a welcome relief from stress.

Thanks, Kit, that's good to know! I imagine much depends on the judge or how desperate they are for a jury.

Glad to hear it, Scarlet! I'm under the impression that the eviction process is long and expensive for landlords, so it's probably better for them to keep current tenants as long as they can pay the rent now (or at least part of it).

I asked covering IOP T if she would be willing to see me for individual therapy after IOP. I asked on email. Because it is easier to hear "no" on email. But she sent back a reply and said that she would take a moment to address in our next session (Wednesday). Argh. So, I don't know. I can't read into it to see if she is leaning one way or the other. We have only had one appointment but it was a good one. I hope she says yes. But IDK. I'll have to wait and see. Argh. Distress tolerance practice again.

Gosh, I would hope anyway that during a global pandemic a mental health worker could be excused. Hoping for the best!

that's good to hear Scarlet, i imagine this is a big relief to you.

IOP tonight on shame and resilience. I missed last weeks due to being at the ER. This is a tough topic for me but I am learning a lot.

Anyone reread your T's emails as like a comfort thing? I do. It doesn't have as much of an impact the farther away it was but it still helps.

I'm glad that worked out Scarlet!

hey lt,

my t was overly confident that he would immediately be released at the very beginning of jury selection, but he ended up having to stay for a couple of days. hope your t gets out easily!

Yes, I read L's emails all the time. I have a special folder for the emails that really mean a lot to me. I prefer fresh emails too. For some reasons I feel that the future might change, so a fresh email is very reassuring.

Absolutely, Kit. Emails and notes I have made about previous sessions are how I connect with the relationship. (And remember that it still exists, but that is another thing.)

Thanks! Yeah, I feel he's being overly confident. We also have a backlog of cases in my state because they didn't have jury trials for like 6 months or more due to the pandemic.