What ways do you have of reaching your T outside of in-person/virtual session?

I said none, but that isn't strictly true. I can contact T by text or email - but only for scheduling. Nothing else.

I was actually wondering this weekend if it might be better in some ways if my T was less accessible, in terms of email. I debated emailing him about something from Friday's session that was distressing me, but then I was trying to just sit with it (which I was able to do, with some difficulty). But if emailing him over the weekend (and getting a reply) wasn't an option, then I would just thought "OK, guess I'll just have to wait till Monday."

And in the past, I've often opted to email him rather than just sit with whatever is bothering/upsetting me because I know he'll reply (though he does occasionally reply saying something is better for a full discussion in session). I've done better with choosing to sit with it lately, but it can be so tempting to just send an email and get reassurance (or whatever I'm looking for) relatively quickly.

We've also had a few ruptures/conflicts that were at least somewhat tied to an email exchange--like maybe they started in session, but then got worse over email. Or he misunderstood what I was looking for from an email, then I was upset with his response (I now try to be clear what I'm looking for).


Like once, I did email him while he was on vacation and said something like, "Hi, Just making sure you're still alive." And he replied with something like, "You're funny--no I haven't been eaten by a wolf or bear or anything!" (referencing something I'd said before he left). But I wasn't trying to joke--at the time I was struggling with his being away, and it felt like I was making light of that (he knows me better now, so wouldn't respond that way unless I was clear about joking).


But that's a case where, if he hadn't allowed email while he was away, that conflict wouldn't have happened. (The most recent time he was away, I didn't contact him at all.)

Yeah, I started therapy back in the olden days before the internet and definitely before cell phones. So, I never had the expectation of emails or texts. Picking up the old landline phone and calling was the only option. It wasn't until I restarted therapy the last time that email and texting could have been an option, but honestly, fortunately, my therapist didn't offer either. It helped learn to sit with emotions a bit and give myself time to work through whatever was going on - kind of an important skill. IF I picked up that phone to make a phone call, my therapist knew I had tried to deal on my own and the call was emergent - so did I.

My pdoc once told me he always knew if I was calling, it was an emergency, that I had never called him for a reason that could have or should have waited, and he encouraged me to always always tell the answering service it was an emergency if I was needing to contact him. Yes, he had patients who abused contact, but I wasn't one of them. (That whole conversation came up because I called his answering service the gatekeepers - LOL - and he told me to just tell them it is an emergency and they'd contact him.)

This is a really interesting discussion, not least because it turns out a lot of us probably use emails for different reasons, maybe even at different stages in our journey, something I hadn't really considered before.

My T allows emails, phone calls and texts (mainly for scheduling, though I have texted her when I was feeling REALLY bad and needed a more emergent response). I am highly avoidant, and I have learned over the years that when I do write her, it isn't "too much," and she appreciates what I have to say. It has been hard for me, but I can go weeks or months without emailing her, so I try to keep that in mind as well.