What ways do you have of reaching your T outside of in-person/virtual session?

Discussions recently (and a lot of other times) on here have always made me think of this poll.

I'd be interested in knowing the ways people have of reaching their T, as well as whether they like it that way.

My T doesn't have an email, on purpose. He's only reachable on three days of the week. However, if he's ever not around, I'm always informed and he regularly checks his texts and voice mails on the days he works.

For me, it'd be uncomfortable to be able to email (given that there I expect longer answers, some time put into it, for the majority of the time) or be able to reach out every day of the week. I'd probably reach out way more than I do currently if I knew that was an option, and while I think support is a good thing sometimes and can help in the near term, I appreciate that during a normal day I often have to deal without any contact to my T. My T has also loosened his boundaries like working late or offering more sessions for some time on occasions. Sometimes it's hard and there's bad days, but I feel in the longer term, it's currently helping me to make decisions that I couldn't have made if my T had always been available to talk right away.

My T has a voicemail and that's it. I've never used it.

I am grateful to be able to email as needed, and I have used text messages in the past in emergencies.

I can reach him by email, text and other platforms. He used to reply pretty quickly but recently takes quite a few hours. I don't think there is a specific day he wouldn't reply.

With IOP individual T I can email her although she reminded me she doesn't respond to emails on the weekend (which I didn't expect her to). With my T that is on hiatus right now because I am in IOP I have no way of contacting him between sessions. I guess I could call the office and leave a message but I doubt that would do anything. With my case manager, I text him.

I can email my regular T about stuff, and I can leave a voicemail (or email) to request a phone call from her. I do know her cell phone number (usually she uses a different work landline number) but I wouldn't text her except in some kind of extremely exceptional/awful circumstance.

My EMDR T prefers email. She has texted me once or twice for scheduling type things, but I found that kind of intrusive since we hadn't discussed it in advance. I would not text her either unless maybe I was, like, stuck in the elevator in her building on my way to my appointment or something.

My Ex T I used to be able to email and follow up with a quick text. Most times she would email back but if she was really busy she would reply by text briefly instead. On average I used to email once after each session, so twice a week mainly. The temp T I am seeing I can email and she will send a brief reply, just acknowledging my email, with a few thoughts and encouragements. The new T I am due to see I just learnt today would not reply to my emails. I have an issue with this. She said it is because she believes that there should be a safe container for the material in the session time, but the thing is, for me the work is ALL WEEK LONG. I give so much to my own growth here, art journalling, journalling, reading books, thinking, making connections, online research, building connections with people, developing my interests etc, that the work is so much more that just in the room. I am fully committing to the work and for her to say that there should be a safe container for it in the room is dismissing it feels, to the amount of energy that I have, and will continue to put it. I understand if she can't do therapy by email, really, but to read and send a brief reply to show me that she is walking this path alongside me is hugely important to me, and would enable me to open up in the session in a way that I think I would struggle to do if I felt like I was just a single hour of her week. Hmmm, yes, it means a lot to me it seems!

I can relate to that, Waterbear. Every email becomes a kind of talisman, an extension of the relationship and a symbol of the work you've done/are doing together.

My as of now ex T encouraged emails between sessions. Often sending them first and starting a chain of them.

100% Lost! I will certainly be trying to explain my point of view when I met with her, and see what she says.

My t lets me call and leave a message on her voice message at the clinic. She is working from home, but she goes to the clinic every night and responds back to me in a day ot two. She might allow email which would make it better for the both of us. So far she has been good at getting back to me.

I can text or email, or leave a voicemail. She has pretty good boundaries about it, and those methods of contact are pretty much for scheduling only. That's appropriate for me. I am not sure how she handles contact with other clients, though.

I just picked up the phone and called. Answering service contacted him, and he called me back so we could talk. Old school perhaps, but very direct, personal, and real-time conversation.

We never emailed or texted.

She prefers texting. In rhe beginning I preferred email because it seems less intrusive. She howevee will go days or weeks without checking her emails. I text her maybe once a week. She sometimes texts back. She akso texts appointment reminders to all her clients.

I can text or email. Technically, texting is supposed to be just for scheduling, but my T has seemed more relaxed about that lately (but perhaps not as relaxed as I'd thought, based on something recent that happened...).

Emails are always fine (even when he's on vacation), and he tends to reply to them in the morning before he starts seeing clients, though sometimes replies sooner.


He used to charge for emails that took him longer than 15 minutes total for reading and replying or would potentially charge if I sent a certain number of shorter emails within a certain time frame--he never gave specifics of that, and he ended up developing a system of green, yellow, orange, and red for me. So I could check in on where I was on that chart, so that if I might want to send an email, I would know if he might charge for it. I managed to never get in the red. He said he charged so he wouldn't get resentful of clients taking up his time (ex-T, who didn't charge for emails, eventually did get resentful).

But he stopped charging for any emails (for all clients) when the pandemic started (which I do appreciate) and hasn't resumed yet. I just had a discussion with him about this to confirm. I do try to keep any emails pretty short now and make it clear what I'm looking for from him, which he's said he appreciates.

He said he generally prefers discussing things in person rather than over email because there's such a chance of misunderstanding. And some of our conflicts/ruptures have either started or gotten worse due to an email exchange. So I try to generally wait to meet in person for bigger issues, maybe asking for an earlier session depending on what it is.

I guess his policy is rather complicated...

I can text or email for logistical issues like scheduling. I've never used either of them for any extended discussion or support, I don't know if it's "allowed" but I would rather keep therapy in session.

I relate to this too, Waterbear. I used to send kinda long emails after a session because I used to explain myself better in writing than talking. She told me one time that clinically, she loved my emails because they gave her way more information to go on than she got from me talking. Which of course was the point of me sending them. I know I wasn't processing quickly during my session that the processing or whatever would happen on the way home or after I got home, hence the emails. It's gotten a lot better over time, slowwwwwwwly (she says I'm a "slow cooker", this I also know!) and I don't email her very often anymore, if I do it's just a short sentence or two just to clarify something. I have also always done a lot of my work between sessions - and sometimes I'd email her between sessions to send her whatever I'd been working on and ask her to hold onto it and "remind me to talk about it next time". That always worked well. When we did phone sessions for that period of time she lived out of state, I would always email her my dreams before my sessions, so we could better discuss them. We do a lot of dream work.

I can text, email, or call. She has a pretty absolute boundary about not doing therapy via email and after almost 10 years - I know this very well - so I understand why I get only very brief responses to emails. I used to send followups to sessions because it would take me a little time to process what we'd talked about. I don't email her very often anymore, I've gradually over time learned to journal instead. Texting is pretty much just for scheduling issues. I can also call for scheduling or if I need to clarify something from a session or check in about something and she'll do a brief phone call at no charge. I don't call very often outside of for scheduling because that option I definitely do not want to even come close to abusing, as every time I have called her to talk briefly it has been extremely helpful. I'm pretty hyper-aware of not becoming a pest to her between sessions so I guess I just naturally self-limit how much I contact her and I trust that she would tell me if it was becoming a problem.

I can call her, but she never answers and takes a few days to call back. That's it. I wish I could reach her a bit quicker. Like if I text her and she texts back within a few hours that'd be wicked awesome. Or if I could email her stuff that I want to bring up in session and then not forget it that'd be cool too. So I am unhappy with leaving messages and getting a response days later.

Artie, we seem to be very similar indeed!! A lot of what you explained about why you email is so very similar to mine. I think it would have taken a lot longer to get to the point we are now without them.

I Also am very aware that their time is limited and important for them, and do not want to be a pest. I have written something for her to read about this and in it I say that I think therapy should be about finding a mutually convenient way of working that feels settled, sustainable and positive for both parties. I'm a little hopeful we can find a way forwards that will work.

I am also a slow cooker, lol, but like with weight loss, I think if the changes are gradual and very deep and real, they can be maintained for much longer than short term, superficial changes.

Ooh I absolutely agree with that last part... thank you! you just made me feel better about still being in therapy approaching our 10 year mark. I am making slow, gradual changes that are deep, real and lasting. I kind of laugh at myself here though, because it can take some time for those changes to settle in too... like, I'll think something or other has changed but then we have to circle back to it.... and then it settles in even deeper? Don't know if that makes sense? We have done a LOT of "circling back" to things over the years. I'm in such a good place mentally right now, so I figure it must be about time for some of that circling back to happen I think I'm overdue haha

I can email and call her whenever I need to. I usually call her for emergencies or check-ins. Sometimes I call and don't leave a message just to hear her voice. I can email her for anything and everything: reassurances, check-ins, something we find that we want to share with the other, etc. I find emails so helpful to maintain a connection and work on object constancy.

And I can text her on the telehealth app, but we never do because one of us forgets to check.

Usually I send an email. She generally responds on the same day and will offer other ways to contact her if we need to discuss the matter. I have her cell number but never call unless she asks me too. I only text her right before my appointment so she can come downstairs to get me. The other option I have is to call the ACT team number to ask for her, but that involves talking to a human, so I don't bother.

i used to have pretty much unlimited access to my therapist for many years. texts, emails...phone calls. but i became so dependent on these outside communications for reassurances that it ended up becoming a nightmare of me feeling despair if he didnt respond or didnt respond the way i wanted. it was a rollercoaster and i spent a large amount of time being distressed over it. and then i began literally harassing him to the point that he had to block me. im not proud of that. BUT after he blocked me and i chilled TF out with that stuff, ive felt so much more at ease and secure in our relationship. having BPD/ptsd and esp having trauma that directly relates to psychotherapy and a former therapist kinda set the stage for me to get severely dependent on my therapist , to the point that it was detrimental for both of us

so these days i only talk to T during appointments

This is exactly how I feel it would go for me if I had more ways of contacting him. I appreciate a way to get an extra 15 minutes of phone call in, but anything more than that and I'd constantly depend on it (had to even learn to not depend on the calls, still an ongoing thing).