[East17]

It took me the best part of a year to get to a point with ex-T where I felt comfortable enough with her to share certain things. Then therapy with her stopped abruptly because she became ill.

After a couple of false starts, I eventually found another T I felt I could work with. It's only been 7 weeks so I know it's early days yet, but I'm feeling impatient to get to the point where I have the same level of comfortableness I had with ex-T. Except that I'm not sure I ever will. I don't want to have to go through another however-many-months it might take to reach that point again, but I also know I don't feel able to just dive straight in before I'm ready.

I considered quitting therapy altogether, but this is not a good time of year to go it alone and feel I need her support to at least get through the next few months.

Part of the problem is that at the moment, no one is going to match up to ex-T. I know there probably will be someone else who does in time, it might even be current T, but my head and my heart isn't there yet. I've thought about talking this through with current T. She said she's happy for me to try and process the loss of ex-T with her. So what's stopping me?

It just doesn't feel right to be telling current T how great I thought ex-T was and how much I miss her. I'm also rather embarrassed as there's obviously some kind of transference for ex-T going on, and feelings for my therapist isn't what I originally went into therapy to deal with. I like current T as a person, but I don't feel any connection with her. That in theory should make it easier to just dive in and get the therapy done, but ironically I have to feel a bit attached in order to get to that stage.

Should I say some of it / all of it / none of it to current T? If anyone has any insight or advice they'd be willing to share, I'd appreciate it, because all this is doing my head in.

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[Mountaindewed]

I have/had this same problem and my current T has no issue hearing me talk about my old T and how much I liked working with her and how hard leaving her was. Last week we spent almost the entire session discussing her and how I can get over her. I know what you mean about not finding someone like her. I am on my 3rd therapist since I moved. I also discussed that therapist a lot with those 2 and they didn't seem bothered. I am just now starting to get comfortable and trust my current one and let go of my ex one after our last session almost 10 months ago. My issue was definte transfernce plus I moved out of state.

It does get easier it just takes time.

[zoiecat]

I am going through the same thing as well. I was not attached to my old T and he actually annoyed me quite a bit but I did see him twice a week for 5 years for trauma issues. He was a constant in my life who pushed me even when I didn't want it and it ended abruptly with no notice or closure due to a medical issue.

I think the sudden end with hust a voicemail and email with references is what hit me the most. Pretty much a shock.

My trauma history is extensive and the thought of starting over with someone new us so daunting. I can't even get my a letter with records from old T to give to the new one. I went to my first appt and it was like I was in a dream. I don't know where to even start nor do I want to. I too would rather just go it alone but I also know that is not going to work either. It is just a sucky situation. No one's fault but still we are the ones who are suffering the consequences.

Don't really know what to tell you.

[Fuzzybear]

I understand what you mean about having to feel a bit attached in order to trust the T enough to share certain things. I would tell new T about what you've posted here, hopefully she will be able to help you process your feelings about ex T. I also did not go into therapy to deal with feelings about an ex therapist. I also have an extensive trauma history and have had some sub optimal endings with former therapists.

[*Beth*]

I suppose the ideal would be to work through your feelings about your former T with your current one. It would take a great deal of courage, I think, to do so. I also have a former T, I worked with him for 6 years...he was outstanding and I felt motivated to work hard at therapy. My current T is an angel of a person, but her skill as a therapist is so-so (in my opinion). I would not have the courage to tell her; I would be afraid of hurting her.

[Fuzzybear]

I was just going to reply to another post. Changed my mind

Thanks for this thread. Thinking of you

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I suppose the ideal would be to work through your feelings about your former T with your current one. It would take a great deal of courage, I think, to do so. I also have a former T, I worked with him for 6 years...he was outstanding and I felt motivated to work hard at therapy. My current T is an angel of a person, but her skill as a therapist is so-so (in my opinion). I would not have the courage to tell her; I would be afraid of hurting her.

I'd be happy to consult either of those T's. Wrong area though

I also think that the ideal would be to work through your feelings re your former T with your current one, and also it would take a lot of courage. But if the T seems like a good T and a good fit I think it would (hopefully) be worth it.

BethRags that shows what a lovely person you are. (I wish I had found anything like an angel of a person in all the professionals I've consulted )