Couch 234: Ready, Set, Go!

Atat, your workplace is so bad. Hugs and head nods all around to couchies.

I'm not doing well. Landlady and I trigger each other in a horrible negative spiral. I'm not blaming or judging her and I'm doing whatever to signal safety. While she behaves in very triggering ways, and basically asks really invasive questions and bulldozes over boundaries. I stay out of the home as much as I can but yes, wtf I do outside, my therapy, my medical appointments = she just interrogates and lectures AT me.

My hands shake around her and she picks up on it. I've also no idea how she knows when I wake but aren't out of my room?! Not kidding, she blasted me to a friend who told me with the screenshots. Other monitoring.

So yeah, new abuse memories from my past around being monitored and spied on popped up uggggh!

Other horrible stuff but mentioning it is identifying.

I asked the hospital (where I see my pdoc) if I can talk to a social worker. Social Work assistant (?) lady manning the phone asked if I feel unsafe, so I said yes. Need one for stuff, including possible housing options.

I've a nice supervisor at work, my sister's friend though that's private. Helps that he's patient about my VERY visible anxiety issues and VERY obvious memory problems.

Almost full PPE required for work, with NO training. Job (paid per hour) is quite complex for my current cognitive functioning. No decent training either, their idea of "train on the job" laughable. Plus language barriers.

I've actually taught people software on the job before, though I obviously don't say a word.

So I've pissed off coworkers, some of whom almost YELL, and a shift supervisor who openly rolls her eyes at me and is always barking at me.

Yeah, I asked my pdoc for a referral to occupational therapy. Hoping they get back to me soon.

My T took a much needed break so she's got a backlog of patients. I only see her mid January.

Hugs, QM, that all sounds incredibly stressful. I hope you're able to get a social worker who can find you a new place to live. And that your job gets less stressful.

Ugh. Well, I hope you hear from the place that recruited you and get offered a job. You deserve a workplace that respects you and where you don't have to jump through hoops to get what you're legally entitled to.

Exactly, LT. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Snow! We're at around 4 inches so far, I think.

Wowza! The rain stopped here, and it got down to like 37 degrees F last night. But right now it's super windy and 52 degrees, bright blue sky!

What's crazy is that it was in the 60s yesterday. Now in the 30s.

Beautiful tree! Looks like an old-timey picture

Yes, we have some nice trees around here. In the common area of the townhouse community, not our own tree or anything. We used to have a cherry tree in our front yard, but it died. We thought it was still OK, but a few years ago, the condo association said they were going to cut it down and did.

I texted my boss again - this time she got back to me. I go back to work this weekend. Hallelujah!

Glad to hear, Polibeth! HUGS

Glad you heard back, Polibeth, and that you can return to work!

How are you doing, Kit?

Texted my T, Julieanne, to see about an appointment next week. She wanted to take off until the second week in January but I would like to get something set up. I texted her this morning, around 10 AM or maybe 1030 AM. I haven't heard back yet. I am going to give it a few days since technically she is still on vacation, or break, or whatever. She is home AFAIK, she didn't go anywhere. Last time she took three days to get back to me because she thought she hit "send" on the text and she hadn't. So I am hoping this is not a repeat of that. Just waiting to hear.

Feeling kind of down because one of my coworkers was pretty short with me. So I was like whatever. I didn't say whatever to the coworker but I said it in my head, loudly. Took a few minutes to kind of chill out and not let it get to me. I think it might just be cultural too. I'm very like, Yes ma'am. No Sir. That sort of thing. I don't know where she is from but she has an accent so culturally it might be totally appropriate wherever she is from but where I am from it isn't. I am trying to take that into account as well. She works in the NY office so I don't see her everyday. It was a TEAMS call. At least it wasn't in front of other people because I would have really been mad then but it was just between the two of us. I think she thinks I'm stupid. I think she doesn't follow through. We don't have the best working relationship. My professional goal for 2022 should be to improve my relationship with this person especially as they are senior to me.

I calculated what I should get back on my taxes to the best of my ability without having the exact amount I donated yet in front of me and not knowing my capital gains etc. I'm thinking my refund will be about $700 to $770. In that range. Kind of puny. But state should help because I threw in some extra cash towards state. I can't get my taxes done until March because it takes my financial advisor that long to get all the paperwork to me. But tonight I am going through all the donation receipts and calculating how much I donated exactly so I know whether I will take the standard deduction or will itemize. I think I donated greater than the standard deduction. But some of the places I donate to, don't have the 2021 statements available yet. So I am using my best guess.

My baby cousin who was born last month, we just found out she is deaf. I have hearing loss, but it's from my Mom's side. My grandma was deaf in one ear. One of my cousins is like me with the hearing loss. I probably will hardly ever see this baby cousin as they live out of State but part of me wants to be able to support her. I don't know how best to do that though.

I tell ya, sometimes H can be really good at taking care of me. Knowing my 10 hour days started today, he brought dinner home for me: a chicken power menu bowl from Taco Bell. I love those things! And it was delicious. I didn't sleep too well last night, was tossing and turning or getting up to go to the bathroom most of the night. Nerves about phones today I guess since I volunteered to take high touch calls. I really need to stop volunteering for things haha. Anyway it's almost 7pm here and my eyes are trying to close already! Heading to bed, g'night couchies. Sweet dreams.

Think of what you wish people would do for you, or things that you wish had been done for you.

The challenge facing most deaf or disabled children born into hearing or non-disabled families (not sure if that is the case here) is that their parents can’t deal with having an “imperfect” child, and then do their best to force the child to fit in with them, not meet the child where they are. It drives me nuts to hear a deaf child characterized as asocial or a problem or challenging when really they have challenges, have problems, or are excluded from an ableist society. So if you hear any talk like that, squelch it, or reach out to the child so that she knows she isn’t her disability.

In other news, I traveled today—attending a conference for the first time in two years—and on my way to the airport I ended up with a cabbie who, as soon as he heard what I did, was off with a list of all the great alien civilizations on Earth. You know, that built the Pyramids and stuff?

I’m always polite, but I don’t get why people constantly fall for those “theories.” One, no evidence, just a bunch of questions that aren’t merited by the facts. And two, why this belief that mankind couldn’t have formed the great civilizations of the past? We have ample evidence of how evil and destructive people can be, why can they not also be productive and awe-inspiring as well? Plus, we know mankind achieved great things without any aliens in the picture (Italian Renaissance, for instance).

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

I don't particularly think about aliens etc much, but I certainly hope we are not the brightest species in the universe. That would depress me for weeks. I figured the only explanation for the italian renaissance was a secret fountain of intelligence that sprang up and then disappeared. Probably because of aliens.

When people find out what I do, they either try to get free legal advice or tell me about a terrible atty some family member had. I try not to talk to people.

Oh, and also on the plane I watched a movie made in 1982 (Still of the Night). Even if I hadn’t had the date, I could have guessed within the ballpark because:

1. The male protagonist drinks Tab. Tab!
2. A psychiatrist in Manhattan—Manhattan—charges only $75/hour.
3. There is smoking on-screen.
4. In the auction scene, people gasped when a Jackson Pollock went for more than a million.

I watched it because Jessica Tandy had a minor role.

we got 9" of snow today, after it being in the high 60s/70 all weekend. Crazy.

I miss L. Still one more week of telehealth before I get to be with her.

Thats frickin hilarious. I tried rereading The Source because i loved it so much in high school, and i just could not get past the blatant male chauvinism. "You are a beautiful woman and i am a toad of a scientist, so of course you will sleep with me."