Couch 234: Ready, Set, Go!

Are they the Binax Now ones, Artie? I feel like I'm a pro at doing those at this point, from tests of me, H, and D. Hope they're negative.

My Binax Now came back positive. So I've been quarantining and had a PCR test this morning (still waiting on results). Fortunately, my leave of absence from work was approved until the end of next week. COVID sucks. I'm feeling better though - just a sinus headache, runny nose and sore throat.

Hope your tests are negative Artie!

Dr. T had some very good insights and observations today. This is a case where maybe it's good it's a long weekend (he's off tomorrow) because I want to process some of it more.

Warning just to be safe: We came up with the sort of contradictory feelings of my wanting to be cared for, but also not wanting to worry him (or anyone) or be a burden. And that seems to tie very much into childhood messages.

Also as part of that, he was saying how with his boundaries (both in terms of his availability and what he's willing to say), I likely wouldn't get exactly what I wanted from him. I said how in a way that felt safer, which he said made sense. As it's more predictable. There was some other stuff, too. But lots to think aout...

I'm sorry, Polibeth. Glad you're feeling better and that your leave of absence was approved. Hope you continue feeling bettr.

Thanks! and no they're Quidel ones. We both tested negative so I'm relieved.

I'm sorry you're sick. Hugs if wanted. Those are the same symptoms my son and his gf have. My son got a leave of absence too. They are also both feeling better every day.

What a mess. Last week apparently Chase Bill Pay sent out double checks and double payments to everyone for the business account at work. One of my employees came to me and said, I got my reimbursement twice. Or else we probably would never have known until we tried to reconcile the account. So we have been on the phone with Chase and they are contacting our customers and doing stop payments and everything. It's more of a mess for them than it is for us although I'm still not sure how the bank reconciliation will go if everything doesn't get sorted properly today. Then I tried to make the hazardous waste fee payment on the CA.gov website and I had to call them because it wasn't letting me file a return. Apparently I can do it next week. It's too soon. Last year I was late! Sheesh! What a fun day at work before the three day weekend, not!

Anyone else getting lots of YEAR END push emails from charities wanting to you donate to their fund before the year ends? I am. I am feeling guilty for every one I delete. I did donate to one but it's like I am being inundated with them! ACK! I feel so guilty. But I am not made of money.

I get tons of that stuff in the mail, and it pretty much goes in the recycle bin. I donate to my chosen charities automatically through payroll deduction every 2 weeks, so I try not to feel guilty. Sometimes I still do though too.

Yes I'm getting them too. I delete them all.

You have given to multiple agencies this year and done a lot of good! Don't feel burdened to do more than you're comfortable with.

What's the old saying, charity begins at home?

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Thanks, Artie. Thanks StressedMess. I have done pretty good this year with the charity thing, giving away about 25% of my gross income so I am trying not to feel bad at year end when everyone is pushing me for a donation. It's just hard because there is so much need out there in the world. And it's making me depressed. Sometimes I just feel like I am a failure because I like literally cannot do more. I got on myself this year because I didn't stick to my savings buckets, but increased giving. So after I tithed my bonus check today, I put the remainder in savings. That way I have it to pay my taxes and my car registration. It's already earmarked for what I will need.


And then when I go to make a one time donation somewhere that is not my usual places that come out of my bank account already, then I feel bad because they ask me to convert it to a monthly giving amount and I don't want to. I'm definitely dealing with some depression and some guilt today and I can't seem to shake it. It's year end. It should be new beginnings and stuff and instead I am stressed about the state of the world and my place in it.

Then I get depressed and eat fudge.

Hugs, Kit. Giving 25% of your gross income is way more than most of us do, so please try not to feel guilty about not giving more. Can you imagine how much good someone like Elon Musk could do if they did that?

Thanks LT for the hugs. I think it was the founder of JC Penny who lived on 10% of his income and donated the other 90% Wow. Truly amazing and such a philanthropist!

At least I got my personal budget done for 2022 and it all feels very do-able.

I just have to not get suckered in by all these people asking for money for their charities and showing sick animals and sick children and people displaced from their homes and be INTENTIONAL about my giving, instead of EMOTIONAL.


Not that I shouldn't have a heart and the occasional giving into an emotional appeal is okay but I think there's a fine line.

ACK. I go back and forth feeling tortured. I think it best if I rest and just trust that everything will turn out okay.

I'm relaxing tonight with a glass of wine and a lap full of crocheted squares to sew together.... once they're assembled, I'll figure out what kind of border to do.


Our friends who live about 5 minutes from us invited us to come over for dinner tomorrow evening for new years, but I'm not sure if we should go... It's just gonna be a small gathering, them and us and we're all vaxxed/boosted, but.... I guess I'm a little leery of trusting the reliability of the covid tests. Well, we're going to both test again tomorrow evening before we go, so I guess if those come back negative too, we can trust that more than just one, but I dunno. Also, neither of us are sick anyway. And they do have a big house, so we can easily socially distance and we will also be sitting outside for awhile around the firepit... so maybe it will be okay.

I thought he was doing that by paying more taxes than anyone in US history ever?

Kit, you could give time instead of money. This is usually what I do (except when the federal government keeps depositing stimulus checks I don't want or need in my bank account).

This is so annoying. I'll be typing along in a post and if I highlight something to erase and correct, before i know what's happening, my mouse has mysteriously grabbed another whole section I didn't mean to delete and deletes it. This time I am actually glad it happened though because I was typing some ridiculous thoughts in the dear t thread that my mouse mostly deleted, before I could post it. Thank goodness! Ha! Schmaltzy stuff. Y'all know how I can get. So, I miss L. Whoopdee doo. Time to accept that this is gonna be my reality for awhile, and just keep moving the hell forward anyway. This is what I wanted, what I needed, so here I go. I got this, yes I do!

CTRL-Z works for me in those situations.

And art--please stop punishing yourself and putting yourself down. Mourn. Stop saying things like "this is what I needed/wanted, whoopdedoo" and trying to spin everything positively. You're only erecting barriers between yourself and your sorrow and minimizing your grief. Feel it, really feel it. You don't have to play a role.

you're probably right, @@. thanks.

H signed the paperwork! He starts work on Tuesday. Phew!

I like your idea of intentional giving, Kit. I am pretty sensitive to the kind of imagery you're talking about above. I felt so much more inspired to give when I started deliberately seeking out organizations that focus on the results of their good work to inspire giving. I deliberately avoid those that try to play on my sense of guilt and horror to get me to give because I realized it felt really icky and manipulative to me.