Couch 234: Ready, Set, Go!

Feeling kind of crises-y and crappy now. Don't really have time to text my T before aftercare tonight. I'm hoping it's helpful. I don't know. I just want to curl up and sleep but I have to make one aftercare appointment this week. So tonight is it. (I don't really like doing them on Fridays when I just want to go home and relax!)

Hugs, Kit.

Hugs, Artie. I wouldn't feel comfortable lying either. And it's not OK that he threw the paper at you.

Hugs, Kit--hope the aftercare helps.

I started using that Woebot app on my phone again a few nights ago. I like the reminders it gives me. And now it does these little 'moments of cuteness' things haha

...of course tonight it was no help at all. Pbbbbt. Guess I'm just tired probably, I did get up at 4:15 or whatever this morning. Night couchies.

I found Woebot useless and completely annoying. Even more so than an actual therapist, which is saying something.

well, it annoyed me tonight. And I told it so. Haha.

It’s even more fun to tell actual therapists that!

Visa is overdue for my first telling her she’s annoying moment.

Same! Though I also hate CBT, so it didn't surprise me that I was annoyed by it.

Last night it was wanting me to describe the factual situation through bodily sensations or something along those lines, which sounded a lot like 'where do you feel that in your body' which is why it annoyed me. It's been helpful for me in the past with recognizing 'should' statements and for catching myself in black and white thinking, stuff like that.

I guess I could have responded "I feel it in my left nostril, you stupid ninny" but....

i found this facebook group 'random acts of crochet kindness' i think it's called where people crochet little items and leave them around in public places for people to find, with a little note that says things like 'if i make you smile, please take me home'. with the request to post the item to the fb group if you find it. i think i'm going to make some things today and have h drop them around in different places when he's out on jobs. people make little hearts, or angels, or smile-faces, or whatever. I think I'm going to make some butterflies or flowers, not sure yet. Although it's getting closer to valentine's day so maybe hearts.

Art, have you heard of yarn bombing?

My sister-in-law and mother are very into it. There's a church near my mother's with a statue group of children playing outside one door, and she knit each child a hat and put them on them. Church still puts them on them every winter.

I was feeling it in MY left nostril last night, it was driving me crazy! I guess i should check if i have a granny nose hair growing there. thanks for helping me figure that out!

That's a neat idea, Artie. Makes me think of how people will paint rocks and leave them around.

Dr. T had a good analogy today. It was the end of session--had been alternately chit-chatting and talking about some really emotional topics, like having kids who had part of their childhood during the pandemic. And I just had this feeling like I didn't want to have to leave, and I starting crying and said something sort of incoherent in an attempt to explain it. He said he didn't know what was happening right then, and I said I wasn't sure either. Then said I guessed I just didn't want to have to leave, because this is time for me, when I can talk about whatever, and when I sign off, I have to go downstairs with H and D (snow day) and finish my work.

He said it's like how it can be difficult to get out of the shower sometimes. How when you turn off the shower, you'll be there naked and cold and then needing to go back out into your life. So you want to stay in there. And that fit for me (especially as I tend to linger in the shower and use it as a place to get away at times), which I said. It helped that he seemed to get it.

I think maybe it fits on other levels, too. The nakedness--I just shared some of my deeper emotions and thoughts. I feel exposed. Now with session ending, I'm left to deal with them on my own. I don't know, it just resonated.

HUGS LT, Kit

Yeah, but I haven't participated yet... not brave enough to do it on my own. Need to enlist some crocheting friends to help me!

Oh but wait I sorta did one time - there was a statue of a woman in the courtyard area where L's first office was, I did make a hat that I put on it one day. Then lied to her that it had been me when she asked. well, it WAS during year one. I probably didn't trust her completely yet.

I decided to make butterflies and here is the first one. H said the color needs to be brighter, a better contrast to the white, so the rest will be purple/white, hot pink/white, etc.

Although since yellow IS my favorite color I will just keep this one for myself.

I still feel like crap. I contracted with my therapist to get through the night. That ended at 9 AM (I set up the contract so I set the terms). Honestly, I'm still at risk for relapse but I don't want to contract again right now. Maybe I am self-sabotaging but I don't know. I'm at work so there's nothing I can do now, and a lot of times even if I feel like crap I will feel better when I get home on a Friday knowing that I have two days to chill. Not that what I do at work is all that difficult, but it's not chilling.


I intentionally contracted with my T instead of with a friend because I am trying to build up trust with her. I haven't seen her very many times. (3....4?) So I am trying to get to that point where I trust her. I explained this in text today and she was really proud of me. She responded. It was nice. She was complementary how I have tools and actually use them. Yeah I've had a fair amount of therapy, hopefully I've learned something.


I don't really like contracting because it takes away my choices and my control but sometimes it is necessary. If I could have texted a hotline last night instead of going to aftercare I would have done that instead of contracting. But I had to go to aftercare which wasn't that helpful really but that's okay.


But yeah. I feel crappy and crisis-y and not very good at all. I can feel it in my stomach all the way up to my throat and I can't seem to get any relief. It's nice that my T texted me back though.

Sending hugs and healing light your way, Kit. I hope your t was helpful.

Had my first session with my T today after the holidays, not feeling well although therapy was fine. Not sure I'll be back on the couch for a while, since I'll have to cook, eat and sleep... but still wanted a place to share, since it happened after therapy and I didn't get any place to share it and won't be able to for almost a week...

HUGS ChickenNoodleSoup HUGS what a thing to say. I'm so sorry. HUGS Kit

omg CNS. I'm so very sorry that he said that. holy crap what an awful thing for him to say. Hugs if wanted.