[Folding]

I’m concerned about my therapist. It's now been a month since I've had therapy (I have sessions 2x/week) and my therapist seems to be MIA. She had a death in the family right after Thanksgiving and she kept pushing back my next session after that. The last I heard from her was a text on 12/9, saying that she would see me the following Tuesday (12/14). Last Monday (12/13) I had a message from her office that she would be out another week and she would be in touch this week to confirm scheduling (she works out of an office, but they just handle billing for her and she handles all of her scheduling directly). I usually have a session on Tuesdays, but I've heard nothing from anyone since the voicemail last Monday.

I feel for her and want her to take as much time as she needs after her loss. Since we're in the middle of a pandemic, I'm also concerned that maybe something happened to her. But I'm also concerned about myself and am struggling without my regular therapy appointments and am unsure what to do.

[SprinkL3]

@Folding - welcome to these forums. I see that you're a new member.

Also (((safe hugs))) I'm so sorry to hear that your T is MIA. I hope she is doing okay, for your sake.

What you can do is call her office back and see if they can find an alternative T to speak with you until your regular T comes back. You can describe your concerns and worries during that session with a different T. Your regular T will understand. But sometimes the staff doesn't know to offer that or ask you if that's what you need; they tend to leave it up to you to ask them about that option instead. If you can do that, it might help you while you wait for your T to be fully available again.

Like nurses and doctors and EMTs and paramedics, psychotherapists are also experiencing burnout during this pandemic - esp. if there's been a tragedy in their own family or their own circle of friends. It makes it harder for them to deal with their jobs when they have lost someone close to them and need therapy themselves to cope with bereavement, traumatic losses, etc. It's not the clients' responsibility to know those things, but we are in relationship with our T's, so we naturally worry and care about their well-being, too. That's the hard part about being in psychotherapy.

Hang in there. Ask the agency where your T works if they can find you a T to see you on the weeks your current T can't see you. This way, you still have continuity of care with a different T and can work out all the anxieties about that T being MIA.

In the meantime, there's a lot of forums on this site that can offer you support.

[Folding]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

@Folding - welcome to these forums. I see that you're a new member.

Also (((safe hugs))) I'm so sorry to hear that your T is MIA. I hope she is doing okay, for your sake.

What you can do is call her office back and see if they can find an alternative T to speak with you until your regular T comes back. You can describe your concerns and worries during that session with a different T. Your regular T will understand. But sometimes the staff doesn't know to offer that or ask you if that's what you need; they tend to leave it up to you to ask them about that option instead. If you can do that, it might help you while you wait for your T to be fully available again.

Like nurses and doctors and EMTs and paramedics, psychotherapists are also experiencing burnout during this pandemic - esp. if there's been a tragedy in their own family or their own circle of friends. It makes it harder for them to deal with their jobs when they have lost someone close to them and need therapy themselves to cope with bereavement, traumatic losses, etc. It's not the clients' responsibility to know those things, but we are in relationship with our T's, so we naturally worry and care about their well-being, too. That's the hard part about being in psychotherapy.

Hang in there. Ask the agency where your T works if they can find you a T to see you on the weeks your current T can't see you. This way, you still have continuity of care with a different T and can work out all the anxieties about that T being MIA.

In the meantime, there's a lot of forums on this site that can offer you support.

Thanks. If the other therapists in her office have openings (I know everyones been booked), I'm not sure what it would be like meeting with someone else. It usually takes me a little while to feel comfortable opening up to someone new.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Folding

Thanks. If the other therapists in her office have openings (I know everyones been booked), I'm not sure what it would be like meeting with someone else. It usually takes me a little while to feel comfortable opening up to someone new.

I have the same difficulty with opening up to new T's, esp. if I have a replacement T. But in my eyes, it's still better than no T. You can always assert your rights as a patient/client/consumer to switch T's if you feel the current replacement T isn't a good fit for you.

I'm glad that you were able to find other T's to see you.

[*Beth*]

What a load of ****. It angers me that some therapists do this to people. You have every right to call the office and find out what's going on. Don't allow them to drop you through the crack.

[Folding]

Originally Posted by BethRags

What a load of ****. It angers me that some therapists do this to people. You have every right to call the office and find out what's going on. Don't allow them to drop you through the crack.

Thank you. I'm sympathetic to my therapist's situation (whatever that is), but I'm also angry. After trying to contact the office multiple times and leaving a voicemail asking someone to call me, I finally received an email that just said my therapist is on medical leave until after the new year. Isn't there supposed to be a back up therapist to see her clients if needed?

[Folding]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

I have the same difficulty with opening up to new T's, esp. if I have a replacement T. But in my eyes, it's still better than no T. You can always assert your rights as a patient/client/consumer to switch T's if you feel the current replacement T isn't a good fit for you.

I'm glad that you were able to find other T's to see you.

I haven't been able to find another T to see me. The office replied that they will see if anyone has any availability, but it's unlikely.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Folding

Thank you. I'm sympathetic to my therapist's situation (whatever that is), but I'm also angry. After trying to contact the office multiple times and leaving a voicemail asking someone to call me, I finally received an email that just said my therapist is on medical leave until after the new year. Isn't there supposed to be a back up therapist to see her clients if needed?

Yes! The office should offer you an appointment(s) with another therapist until yours returns.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Folding

I haven't been able to find another T to see me. The office replied that they will see if anyone has any availability, but it's unlikely.

Sadly, there's an uptick in mental disorders since the advent of this pandemic, and, like many hospitals, therapists are getting overloaded with patients. Some have quit their jobs, others have taken on more clients than they ever have in their lifetimes. There's not enough therapists to meet everyone's needs, though I think everyone could at least use an annual mental-health checkup and an appointment as needed.

You really should have continuity of care, and that facility should have found you a replacement therapist. Waiting 3 months for a therapist to return is not stable, and it's better to find a replacement now than to keep you hooked and waiting for 3 months - only to find that she's not returning, etc. And even if she does return, would you feel comfortable and stable sticking with her? What if she does this again and again? I would see that as a red flag, and if I knew that therapist in real life, I'd say to her to find a different profession, such as research in psychology or a profession out of the field, if it's that triggering to her to cause her to have a 3-month sabbatical.

You could also report her and the institution to the psychology board where she is licensed. She's supposed to report her mental or physical disorders to the licensing board and to claim that it is being managed enough for her job and to not interfere with her job. The fact that it is interfering with her job is troublesome at best, abandonment at worst. She did little to ensure continuity of care, and her unethical statements and response border on abandoning you unethically as a client. I would report her to the licensing board so that she can tell them whether she should remain licensed to practice or not.

Meanwhile, can you find a different therapist from a different institution? It seems like that institution dropped the ball on you.

[sarahsweets]

That is crap. If anything new clients should be waiting to see someone not a current client. Yes you have compassion but you are not the one responsible for always beig the understanding one.

[SprinkL3]

I had to reread this thread and the other thread started by the OP (Folding).

I think Folding just wanted information on continuity of care in a different thread, and perhaps comfort regarding not seeing his T in this thread. I think I misread some things.

First, it's sad when people, including T's, are dealing with traumatic grief-and-loss issues. It does affect everyone's lives and work. They do need time for bereavement.

That said, 3 months is an extremely long time, and for a T to go MIA for an entire month is not good.

It's easy to have feelings and concerns for your T, to be worried for your T, especially if you have a strong rapport with your T and bonded in psychotherapy. But given that bond, there comes responsibility, such as discussions about what would happen if something happened to your T, etc. My T in the USA spoke to me about this. She kept me in connection with another T, who checks in with me monthly. I'm a veteran, so I have a lot of support from multiple providers, so I'm kind of privileged in that way. I have other T's at the Vet Center, for instance, if anything were to happen with my T, who retired from the Vet Center but sees clients in her own private practice. She accepts Medicare, so I pay my copays now. She was free at the Vet Center, but I wanted to stick with her as my T. So we worked things out.

I think your T should have said instead that she was sorry she thought she could see you, but then had to cancel and couldn't really inform all her clients. She could have apologized for having you wait for her, when she never was able to schedule an appointment. She shouldn't have left you hanging with the "maybe in three months she'll see you" thing. That's leading you on, in a way. Most T's would use their own psychological knowledge and manage their life in a manner they would tell a grieving client in that situation. Most T's would be trained to instead just let you know that some personal issues have come up and that they can't really know when they'll see you again, but for you to find a new T. Most T's would have asked their colleagues at the institution they worked at for assistance if they were struggling with a death in the family and couldn't find the strength to call all of their own clients. That could have been another approach, if your T is really having a mental breakdown and can't even face her own clients to refer them to a different T.

And although we care about our T's, the goal of therapy is for the T to help you and focus on your problems. It's nice that the T included you in the details of what was going on with her, but I don't know if she knew you well enough to realize that you would then put her problems above yours. That's what you would probably do for family or friends, but not a therapeutic relationship. You or your insurance are paying for a service, and no matter what is going on, you deserve to have that service for your mental health. It shouldn't be spent on worrying about your T, even though that happens in relationships when you care for someone - even the postal guy who delivers your mail. But it doesn't mean that you should go without mail for weeks on end because you care about the postal guy. It just means the post office should find a replacement to have continuity of care over your mail. It's a service that is paid for through postage, and it's supposed to get to you, etc.

In a similar vein, therapists need to provide continuity of care. If they refer you to someone, they should do so mindfully and professionally. If they can't even do that, then at least one of their colleagues should do that. It's sad when they all seemed to have dropped the ball.

How is your mental health? Are you okay with finding a new T on your own? Do you care about your T, and do you really want your T to work with you when she comes back in 3 months? Are you worried your T won't come back in 3 months? --These are the questions I should have asked in my first reply. I basically assumed things, but I don't know much about your relationship with your T. It just seems you really care and also need help in therapy.