Couch 235: Home State Advantage

After being in somewhat of a dream-drought for the last while, my dream-maker has suddenly been activated for some reason. Night before last I wrote down 2 dreams, last night 3. One of last night's was a bit scary.

Therapy with Julieanne tonight. I already set up the Zoom appointment for us and Zelled her my copay. I sent her a text letting her know I have done these things but she hasn't replied. No big deal. She'll get to it.


But, what in the world do I talk about tonight. Last week I was in crisis. Now I'm fine. I never know what to talk about when I am fine. It always seems like such a waste. Hmmm.

Hugs, Kit. One thought: Could you maybe talk about what to do next time you're in crisis? Or what to do if you feel like you're heading in that direction, to maybe stop it from turning into a crisis?

Also, go Rams!

Today, I was pretty upset about something right at the beginning of session (recounting something that had happened over the weekend). A little later, T looked to be lifting a cord of some kind over his computer (virtual session). I asked what he was doing. He said, "Giving you a virtual hug. [pause] I'm plugging you in" (as in, plugging in his laptop). The virtual hug thing felt nice, but was a very uncharacteristic thing for Dr. T to say. Like even in joking. So I suppose I went a bit defense mechanism in my response (trigger warning to be overly safe):

Yes, go Rams! That was an anxiety producing game. My Aunt asked me if I am going to this weeks game. Yeah right, the tickets are sky high. I'll watch it on TV thank you very much1 I was literally shaky from the anxiety after the game.


Good thoughts about my T session. It actually got moved to tomorrow. I guess Julieanne is sick, so one more day to sort out what I need to say. Hopefully she is helpful in guiding the session because I kind of suck at that.

I think crisis stabilization is a very important but also kind of boring use of therapy. When you're feeling more stable is the best time to try to dig into why the crisis moments come in the first place.

Soooo nice having a working charging cord. But i do spend too much time on my phone.

Today I made an appointment with a brand new med dr. Gonna train that boy up right!

Thanks EM.

One thing I was thinking about is talking about my first hospitalization (2 years ago tomorrow) in the psych ward and what I have done positively for myself since then and what I need to still work on. But I don't know if that is a good use of time.

Therapists can be Freudian too!

Honestly, from him, I would have taken the virtual hug comment as dismissive, so your reaction makes perfect sense to me.

In general, I commend greater snarkiness towards therapists among mankind.

what an exhausting day on the phones at work. FINALLY got done with my last call. It took forever trying to help a lady get logged onto our stupid website and I am terrible at stupid web calls and i am stupid tired!!! ugh. rant over. now I get to work my normal job for the next hour and a half. And then I am going to go pick up pizza (i wonder why I'm in the mood for that haha) and then come home and pour a large glass of wine to go with it.

Wine to go with my whine.

HUGS Artie. Your day sounds trying. Hope the last bit goes by fast.


P.S. we had pizza yesterday. But they forgot the sausage so it was just pepperoni. (I prefer just cheese but my Dad likes topping and he was buying so......)

Oh, I can be plenty snarky toward him. It's one thing I appreciate about our therapeutic relationship, that we can both bring the snark.

I think this could be a good thing to discuss. Sort of an assessment of where you are now compared to then. Therapists like those kinds of things. Plus, this T didn't know you back then, so could be good to fill her in on it all.

Great post, LT. I think if you have a good working relationship with a T, it's important that they are aware of your pivotal experiences.

The whole therapeutic relationship thing is so interesting how it works or how it can work or how it sometimes works. It really is. I'm just amazed you know, looking back on my own long-term experience. I don't count the first 2 short-term ones as anything even resembling anything that could remotely be called a "relationship". But what I had with L was pretty darn life-changing when I think back to the me that first walked into her office all those years ago. I mean, you guys have seen changes in me just on here, but if you'd 'met' me in 2011 you'd really have seen some changes.


*of course I am on my 2nd glass of wine tonight so my glasses are likely a little rose-colored atm.

I went and picked up a couple of pizzas at Marco's and it was delish. I'm (still) enjoying some of the bottle of White Merlot I got for Christmas after having a first glass with the pizza. I'm all chilled and relaxed now. And in the mood to talk about therapy.

I ordered Girl Scout cookies a few weeks ago, and they came the day of my wisdom tooth surgery! They are just sitting in my kitchen, taunting me while I eat pudding.

I got mine Saturday. I don't like the S'mores ones. Should have stuck to the tried and true Thin Mints and Tagalongs.

Do any of the non-US based Girl Scout type groups sell cookies?

There was a Girl Scout and her mother in the park next door this weekend selling cookies. I got a gluten free kind, caramel chocolate chip. They have at least one other gf flavor, toffee, but that seems to be in the western US (my sister gets them).

I think im skipping GS cookies this year. My usual source said they would deliver to save shipping costs and that unduly freaked me out.

You can order them online and pay for shipping. I can send you the link to my manager's daughter's cookie page. They actually look pretty good. They ship out of CA I think. I wish I'd tried those instead of the S'mores ones.

Is your "usual source" a swarthy Sicilian who wears a trench coat and meets you in dark alleys?

I'd be freaked out too.

My goodness, but therapists are w-i-l-y.

I have an appointment with Info Thursday. Over the weekend I decided I was going to break up with her then. I can't take the negative parts of the dippiness anymore.

I didn't tell her because I wanted to do it in person, and also because I wasn't sure yet I wanted it to be our very last appointment, but maybe one more "formal" goodbye one after that.

But I wake up this morning to an email from her with a letter attached. She's retiring. She's 70 later this year and she's decided not to renew her office lease in March, so after that she'll be telehealth only, and officially retire at the end of the year.

Obviously she sensed what I was going to do and decided to reject me first, even going so far as to retire to trump me. Or maybe my recent complaints drove her to it. Because I am just that central to her life. Or maybe I'm the only client who got the "retirement" announcement.

But seriously, I'm wondering if I should change my plan and stay on a bit longer, since I know now she's wrapping up anyway and I won't get sucked back into Info-world against my better judgment.

But see? Stopdog's third law of therapy: therapists are wily. And they are their wiliest when they don't seem to be being wily.

I would actually like advice/reactions to the news, please.

I don't know how often you're seeing Info, but you could try tapering down sessions instead of a complete stop with her.

I don't know. You do have a relationship with her, both good and bad. Do you think you would regret not working with her for the year? Or opposite is true too: would you feel like you've wasted time, money, and energy if you stayed?

When I was 18, I started to see this one T at the county clinic. After 3 years, we tapered down to nothing. I found out about 6 months later she was transferring to a different location. I asked if we could resume therapy until she left, and we did.

The difference, I think, between our situation is that my transference was mostly positive. But you do have an attachment to Info, so it still might be important to finish up some more work?