[ScarletPimpernel]

Is counter-transference normal? Like transference is normal? I mean, it just means feelings for another person, right? And it only becomes a problem when it gets in the way of the client's progress?

L says that ex-T's counter-transference got in the way and might be why she terminated me. And I know L has feelings for me, but I do not feel they get in the way. She has good boundaries and takes care of and is responsible for her own feelings.

So I'm just curious what it all means.

[SummerTime12]

I think it’s normal. Just like with transference, there are varying degrees of it and it really should only be a problem if it harms the client’s progress in any way.

Sometimes a client might remind a T of someone in their life, or even of themselves. Sometimes they might just have particularly strong feelings toward a client. It just means the T needs to process this on their own time so that it doesn’t begin to affect the way they interact with the client. If used correctly, I think countertransference can actually be a good therapeutic tool and help both client and therapist gain insights.

My last T didn’t do a good job of this. He admitted sexual attraction to me (as I did to him) and I think he let it get the best of him, to some extent. He admitted things he never should have. He really should’ve been processing those things with a supervisor or his own therapist instead..

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[East17]

I hadn't come across the term until I came here, yes I think it is normal, to a degree. We all have feelings of one kind or another about other people, who they are, what they represent, who they remind us of.

I think it only becomes an issue if like Summertime12 said, the T is inappropriate. Or if something your T says or does starts to mess with your head - that can really screw with progress, because there's a danger that the sessions then become about the therapy relationship rather than what you went to them for in the first place.

Exercise caution, listen to your gut instinct would be my view. If something feels 'off' then it probably is, and needs closer inspection.

[Rive.]

"Is counter-transference normal?" Absolutely

"Like transference is normal? I mean, it just means feelings for another person, right?" Yes and yes.

I think such feelings are not just 'normal' but... necessary? expected? Because human beings are wired to feel in interaction with any other human being (be it T, a friend, the mailman). So, it is not so much holding such feelings (e.g. transference or counter-transference) that is problematic but what someone does with having such feelings.

Some Ts deal with it well.. Some deal with it poorly and/or mess up big time.