Couch 236: NY PS Langston Hughes

That's really interesting, Artie. Wonder if it has to do with ending therapy at all? Or just finding yourself in general?

And thanks for the hugs.

In defense of Dr. T today (his stupid "Since you're already crying" transition), he also seemed particularly empathetic. There was this thing I was talking about where when H and I went out to eat Friday (while his mom watched D), there was this toddler-aged girl interacting with another couple's (adorable, fluffy) dogs on the patio. And she made me think of when we used to go there with D when she was really little and she loved the dogs. She'd go up to them (after confirmation that they were friendly), touch them, then run off giggling. Or pet them much like playing a piano.

But now she's terrified of dogs, to the point of when she was standing inside the screen door yesterday, screaming in fear at a (leashed) dog on the street, afraid it would come into the house. I was crying and said to Dr. T, "I feel like it's ridiculous that I'm this upset over her no longer liking dogs," and he said in this very gentle tone, "I don't think it's ridiculous at all."

It also led to a discussion on how thinking back to D at the age of the girl at the restaurant, that was before her autism diagnosis. And Dr. T said how this has been a really challenging stretch lately, with D's school struggles and things like that. I wish I could remember the exact phrase he used (I even asked him a few minutes later, and he couldn't recall the phrasing!), but he said something about how I'm hitting different experiences of grief. Like seeing this young child with the dogs at the restaurant, comparing how things are with D now to how they felt when she was that age. He said it can be like if someone was the child of divorce, at their own wedding, they could become really emotional seeing their parents come in separately.

I need to think on his comments on the grief thing more. Because they rang true to me. D's 11th birthday is also Wednesday, so I suspect that's affecting me in some way.

My mother’s back in the hospital and headed for hospice.

Im so sorry.

Omg! Where did he go to therapy school ?!

I'm so sorry. This seems so sudden. I imagine this is a lot for you to take in right now. Did you reach out to Info?

omg @@. I'm so very sorry.

I'm so sorry....Hugs if wanted.

Atisketatasket, I'm sorry to hear about your mother. Please let us know if we can do anything.

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I am sorry you and your mother are going through this.

I am so very sorry, ATAT. I am thinking of you both.

Hugs if wanted, ATAT, I'm sorry about your mom.

I'm so sorry to read about your Mum ATAT, that is so hard on both of you. I do hope you were able to reach out to Info for support.

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Just got a work email about a new collaboration tool with far too many exclamation points. It ends with "The possibilities are only limited by our imagination!" My reaction feels very stopdoggian.

I don't mind exclamation marks, but I don't think that sentence needs one. Do you have many over-excitable emailers to deal with?

So far just that one, although they are new to the job. I hope the unnecessary enthusiasm about mundane issues is not contagious. There are four exclamation marks in the subject line alone, for context.

Wow....that's even more excessive.

Wow! That's even MORE! excessive!!

Fixed it for you!

Good one, Lost, seriously. Well put.

"This is how we do it...!"

I agree, work is NOT a place for exclamation points.

Oh, Una...

I needed that laugh. Thank you.

I feel like a broken record. How much I miss Jack, and how much I hate myself because I could have prevented it. I have been emailing my art T frequently the last few weeks, and she has not responded to the despair-filled one I wrote on Tuesday. She usually responds within a day. What do I do? One of my biggest fears is feeling like I am too much/too needy, etc. I reaallllyyyyy want to email her again and be like, are we ok? But that would only make me feel worse, because I would have reached out AGAIN.

I am debating returning to a wellness recovery place. I've been a few times, but I have never been 100% that they've hugely helped me out. I mean, I am still alive, so I guess that is something. I have a new (ish) boss, and today I told her I have depression/anxiety, and sometimes it can get pretty bad. She was very supportive, and if I do decide to go back to Wellness. work wouldn't be an issue (which is a main reason I've kept saying no). That is one barrier removed. I don't know. Apparently only time will help with grief, so two weeks away wouldn't magically make it go away. Also, I think (despite being there a few times) that I am not "bad" enough to go. I have SI thoughts, and sometimes they get worse....but I have never gone beyond that.

velcro, it doesn't need to go beyond that for you to deserve help. It sounds like you could really use a break and some rest, and the wellness place can provide that for you. I think I remember you feeling positively about the experience before, so it might be useful again, especially if you can manage to go without too much disruption to your life.

Thanks EM. i hopefully will discuss it w my T tomorrow. If she still is my T ;( She has said emails are okay with her, and she’s always responded. I wrote one Tuesday night (full of despair), and still haven’t heard back.

I am freaking out because I feel like I reached her limits, and she’s going to have to talk to me about emailing her less. Ugh.

Hugs if wanted, Velrco. I wish I knew what to say that would help you feel better about all of that. I do agree with EM that it sounds like you could really use a break and some help and I hope the wellness place is able to provide that. I hope your session with T goes well tomorrow.

Still testing positive for COVID, also I was doing some Facebook surfing and apparently a former schoolmate of mine died last month 25 years after becoming Quadriplegic in a Wrestling accident.

Thanks Artie. I am now freaking bc I wrote a desperate and vulnerable email to my art T and she never responded. She has always responded. Now I am convinced that we are going to have to talk about boundaries and all of that. I knew it would be too much, that I am too much