Couch 236: NY PS Langston Hughes

That time we found a tarantula in our garage, it was SO big that I almost wanted to pet it. Almost. H had to guide it out of there with a couple of boards. I have a video somewhere.

Has anyone read Belonging by Toko-Pa Turner? I loved it and I'm signed up for a zoom lecture she's giving this evening. Looking very forward to it. H is on a long-distance job to El Paso, TX right now so he won't be home til later, after the lecture is over so I won't have to keep telling him to turn down the tv.

Oh god, being trapped in a car with a spider, ahhhh!! I mean i can handle a tiny one, but that is it.

I talked to my art T tonight. I was able to tell her about my anxiety levels all week, and I was worried I was becoming too needy, and we wouldn’t be able to work together. I just could NOT tell her it is because I didn’t get a response email as fast as it usually is. Way to shameful.

I was telling T about the bee thing today and my relief that I wasn't driving down the highway with it in my car. He asked, "What are you allergic?" Me: "No, but I don't want to be stung while I'm driving!"

I feel like I'm carrying so much weight!

* What happened to my niece, happened again.
* My dad's dog has spindle cell cancer.
* Major financial problems with a lot of uncertainty.
* L and I doing trauma work.

And then just trying my best to work on each relationship and keeping everything balanced.

And I have given up all sodas and 20 weeks without cigarettes.

I'm exhausted.

Hugs if wanted, Scarlet. I'm really sorry about your niece. And about everything else that's going on. Could it make sense to pause the trauma work for now maybe?

And 20 weeks without cigarettes is awesome!

Hugs if wanted, Scarlet. I'm so sorry to hear all of that.

I would put trauma work on hold, but we've kind of hit a huge point in the road. We just finished my PTSD assessment, and I meet the criteria. And I asked her if that means, in her opinion, that what I've been through is trauma. She said yes. So now I'm too deep in my own process trying to figure out what that means to me, if that changes anything, and how to hold this new information. I can't just push pause. I mean, we don't have to go digging through my past right now, but I'm also in a place that I can't just ignore.

And tonight I had to make the hard decision and ignored my sister. She wants me to babysit the other 2 nieces so she can take the oldest to a forensic interview. I just can't. That might make me a bad sister or auntie, but I have no emotional energy to cope with a two year old and a three year old.

aw scarlet, how difficult that all must be. I don't think you not being able to care for her two young children while you are suffering makes you a bad aunt. I work with 2 year olds, and know how much emotional energy it takes. it is very hard when you are not in a good space to take care of them.

I agree that it doesn't make you a bad aunt, Scarlet. You need to take care of yourself, too.


And that makes sense about the trauma work.

It's good to know your limit, Scarlet. Hugs if wanted..

LT, your T is such a guy

The phrase “Extreme Unction” should never have fallen into disuse.

Artie - that book has been on my list for ages. I really need to 'get around to it'.

Right now im getting gaslighted by a darling youtube cook where unctious is closed captioned as umptious.

I miss my boy

That's meant for you, a subliminal command to go forth and b-umptious.

Cool! I've learned 2 new english words

Imwas driving to work one day and i put the sun visor down and this huge huntsman landed on my leg i was lucky the road was clear because i was all over it i managed to pull over and try to find the spider but couldnt so i drove home rang in sick and sprayed the **** out of the car. I hate spiders that are 4 inches across can just squish themselves into tiny crevices and be unseen.

Wondering how anyone can still be alive without machines at 7% kidney function.

Tired of unscrupulous landlords screwing me over.

Wow, that does seem like it should be too low to sustain life. Is she conscious and lucid? And I guess she's still declining dialysis.

How are you holding up? Hugs if wanted.

So it looks like we might be moving now too. An hour away... But H says I can still see L and all my other doctors. And the drive is easy (not like LA). And it is a nice apartment. I like how there's two balconies, so I'll have my own for my dogs.

I'm just so sad and so scared.

Hugs, Scarlet.

Hugs if wanted, QM.

Oh tisket, im so sorry. Your mom is too young.