[KLL85]

I’ve been seeing my therapist for 8 months and not once in that time has he ever asked me about romantic relationships. Due to CSA I am very aversive to relationships and have only had a couple of very short ones and I’m extremely uncomfortable talking about topics relating to it, including sex and any kind of intimacy.
However I’m now finding it really weird that I’ve been in therapy this long and I’ve never been asked a single question about this or any topic that comes close to discussing this kind of thing. It’s really beginning to make me feel like my T thinks I’m so disgusting and repulsive that there would be no way anyone would ever be interested in me so therefore it’s not even worth asking the questions.
It’s not that I want to talk about this part of my life, if he asked about it I probably would just freeze and shut down, it’s not something I would at all be comfortable talking about, and perhaps he’s realised this without actually going there, but it just makes me feel so bad about myself.
I know this is usually a big part of therapy, so to not even broach it once just makes me feel like he doesn’t believe anyone could ever like me or love me. I’m so vile that it wouldn’t even be a possibility that I could have ever had a relationship.
Am I being paranoid or is it genuinely odd that he has never asked a single question about this area of my life?

[AliceKate]

I think your T is merely obsorving your boundaries around the subject. My T hasn't asked about it, either (3 months in), though the subject of sex has come up in some minor ways. Pretty sure he doesn't ask about romantic relationships, because I am not in a place to have one, not because I am inherently unattractive. I'm sure it's the same for you, but maybe you could ask? You could perhaps state that you don't want to talk about it, but were wondering why the T hasn't asked (?)

[KLL85]

Originally Posted by AliceKate

I think your T is merely obsorving your boundaries around the subject. My T hasn't asked about it, either (3 months in), though the subject of sex has come up in some minor ways. Pretty sure he doesn't ask about romantic relationships, because I am not in a place to have one, not because I am inherently unattractive. I'm sure it's the same for you, but maybe you could ask? You could perhaps state that you don't want to talk about it, but were wondering why the T hasn't asked (?)

Yeah I guess that could be possible, but how would he know what my boundaries are without ever attempting to bring it up? He knows I experienced CSA, so I guess maybe he could just be waiting for me to broach it so as to not risk causing me any distress, but it feels like that makes it an even more important topic for him to find out more about. But perhaps he is just being extra cautious. But then why didn’t he ask any questions about it when I first met him during the assessment before he knew anything about me? Questions about relationships seem to be a pretty standard thing during an assessment .
I’m sure if I asked he would be open to telling me, but at the moment I just couldn’t do that because the shame and embarrassment is just too much.

[ScarletPimpernel]

A lot of Ts won't bring things up. T and L usually go with whatever is present.

[AliceKate]

It can help to write things down and bring it to session. That way, you don't have to go through it and even put your worries on paper. Of course there would be follow up questions, but if you don't want to answer them, it should be fine to just signal that in some way. I'm sure you're not inherently unattractive. The only thing of importance in that instance is being clean, really. Just my opinion of course.

[Rive.]

Yes, it seems strange. In my experience, they do ask this as part of their 'getting to know the client' process.

Because you feel

It’s really beginning to make me feel like my T thinks I’m so disgusting and repulsive that there would be no way anyone would ever be interested in me so therefore it’s not even worth asking the questions.

I think it is important for you to check it out. I would bring it up with T because you are believing something that he may not be thinking. By asking you would also know why he isn't asking. It might set your mind at ease and/or open up fruitful discussion.

[SummerTime12]

This is an interesting topic. I’ve had a lot of therapists, but I’ve either been in a relationship or married while seeing each one, and made it known from the beginning, so I don’t actually know how most therapists handle this. Like other posters said, maybe your T is getting to know you and understands that this question might upset you? Maybe your T is of the mindset that you’ll bring it up when you’re ready or think it’s important? I very highly doubt that your T hasn’t mentioned it because they think no one would date you!

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[Quietmind 2]

Interesting, because in my culture, therapists don't tend to ask patients about romantic relationships and sex. It's actually rare to have a therapist willing to be open to the topic.

Took me years to even ask my T if it was an OK topic, and I was relieved when she said of course its OK and that no topic that's taboo.

I think perhaps your T is waiting for you to broach the topic, although it can definitely help if he preemptively signaled openness like "I'm willing to talk about the topic and I'll wait for you to bring it up."