Ending a session

I was wondering who ends the session - you or your T - and also if you have any rituals in ending them?

In my case, at the beginning of me seeing T he would end the session and walk me to the door of the appartement (he doesn't live there, but shares the space with several other Therapists). Now, I tend to finish the sessions (on time) and he makes a point not to walk me out. I think he intends to increase my feelings of self-reliance and empowerment.

Just wondering what your experiences are in that

At the end of our conversation, R will ask 'Do you want to do some breathing?' and then lead me through a couple of breathing exercises. This began when we were working on Zoom over the lockdowns, and now we are back in person it's nice to continue.

After that, she'll get up and walk to the door, and say 'See you next week.'

(I feel fortunate in that she comes to my home.)

I think I've posted this before somewhere?

L and I have a ton of rituals. For goodbyes, she's the one who keeps track of time, so she initiates the goodbye. She asks me what reassurances do I need. And the she'll say "you first or me first" for who will say "I love you". Then she'll ask if I'm ready. We both get up and walk to the door, give each other a hug, I say thank you, and then we both wave and say goodbye. We do this every. single. session. I really appreciate it.

That's interesting you saying that, I was thinking about it as sometimes things are different and it completely throws me. Usually T opens the door for me, waits for me to walk in and closes it. So when he leaves me to close the door it instantly puts me at an emotional distance from him. When I leave he used to get up to open the door but he doesn't anymore.

I used to check the time and leave when it was up, but I rarely have time to myself these days so I think I get carried away talking. When he says something like 'and we can explore that more next week' I usually know it's time for me to leave haha.

The one I had before I moved would rush me. I kept getting upset because sessions would end aprubtly and unfinshed so she started to set 20, 15, 10, and 5 minute reminders of how much time we had left. My current one lets me take my time, and makes sure I'm ok to leave and makes sure we have cleared the air about anything and then we both stand up at the same time and she opens the door but doesn't walk me out. I guess she doesn't want me touching the door because of covid. Then I just leave, most of the time feeling decent. Some days better then others.

T cuts the session, regardless what state I am in when time is up

In the last five minutes of session T often brings up some little story about his family or his pets, and then at exactly 50 minutes he says "And we're out of time for today". Same thing every time.

With my regular T, she always goes “Alright, Velcro…” and i know it’s time to leave. She usually also says that she needs to go pick up her kids. I am her last session of the day.

With art T, i don’t know really how she winds it down. She does it subtly, and I’m always the one that gets my stuff together and gets ready to leave. She always makes sure I am ok (enough) first.

With both T’s, I get. hug at the door.

That's interesting and maybe a bit weird, but only if it is uncomfortable to you, too. It would be to me, I prefer boundaries.

I think it's a way to transition to lighter topics before I go. It doesn't seem like a lack of boundaries to me, but I suppose everyone has different ideas about what that means. My T doesn't believe in a blank slate approach, he's a person with pets and a family, and I don't mind hearing a little about them.

I’ve only seen my current T about 5 times, and I’d say she’s ended 2 times and me the rest. She had me go over the hour mark the first 2 sessions, and I felt guilty (even though that was her decision), so I started keeping track of time on my phone and have ended our sessions on time since. They’ve been natural endings though. With my past T of 5 years, sometimes he ended and sometime I did. I didn’t like his ending though—it felt unnatural. He would say “unfortunately we’re tight on time” EVERY.SINGLE.SESSION. So I’d often try to watch the time just to avoid hearing him say that lol. It didn’t always work because he’d end anywhere between 40-60 min. I could usually get a sense of when he was heading towards closing though.

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I tend to be hyper aware of time. Awesome T usually ends “gently” within 5 min of the hour mark. We are both aware that we are out of time. Sometimes he will mention it or how fast our sessions go, sometimes we just know. He moves to his desk and sets up the next appointment or checks how far out we are scheduled and we do the payment. Then there is always a hug… sometimes he will share a wish, or intention for me/the week ahead with the hug sometimes we just hug.

Art T is more rigid about time than T and so if she doesn’t end right on the mark I will. She checks her schedule, I remind her that I still need to pay her. We hug. She used to walk me to the door but since I have been bringing my service dog she stopped (no clue if it is connected or not). I have also had to tell art T that she cannot bring up something deep/emotional/hard in the last 10 minutes of therapy and definitely NO therapy after the scheduling/payment. We had one session where she opened a big, painful issue/memory when we hugged!

Both T and art T will share personal stuff but it is always at the beginning. I guess it is harder for me to transition into the therapy space than out of… so that’s when they share. I like knowing a lot about awesome T… we have been working together over 3 years. He has over-shared or shared something awkward once or twice. Art T… eh. She shares too much for as short a time as we have known eachother.

How do you feel about the hugging with Art T, Omers? I find that interesting since it seems like you have a more complicated relationship with her.