Ex T interviewed by reporter

It’s been almost 4 years and I still miss ex T.

Tonight I saw a news article with her in it. The reporter interviewed her about the clinic she works for. She has a prominent role there.

I know there was a lot of mixed opinions about my T, what she did, what I did, and how it ended, but I’m really struggling. All the therapists I’ve talked to after her were appalled by her behavior and blurred boundaries.

Tonight though, it’s hard for me to hold onto that my feelings are valid when she has such a prominent role and great reputation. I miss her and I wonder if the letter I sent her a year ago outlining the effects her behaviors had on me had any impact at all. I know she cared about me, but in the end, why would she feel bad about harming one client when she’s helped so many others?

I am sorry for all the negativity. I’m just really sad.

That must have been really hard for you to read, I just wanted to give you a hug

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That must have been really hard to see the interview. It's valid that your feelings were triggered. What you went through was traumatic for you.

I can relate. My ex-T now runs her own business and has 9 other Ts working there. She's also a teacher at a University, and has worked for a lot of well-known places here. She's never had another report with the board of psychology. It seems I was the only client she abandoned. It's really difficult.

I feel for you, no matter what your role was.

Whilst not an ex-therapist, I occasionally come across media interviews with my ex-doctor who instigated a sexually abusive relationship with me whilst I was psychotic. He has a national profile and has become a somewhat significant figure in healthcare. I feel great shame and anger when I see him treated with respect and as an authority figure - although of course the shame is his. I should say that I do not miss him nor did he care about me; it was an abusive and unethical relationship. I struggle to call it a relationship, but I don't know another word. It lasted for approximately two years. I do not have the type of yearning feelings for him which it sounds like you might have for your ex-therapist.

Deleting my social media accounts was very useful in this regard (as well as many others!) because it limits the channels where I could encounter him. For me, it is partly the abrupt and unpredictable nature of seeing the interviews or appearances. I don't expect them or invite them and so they unsteady me. Maybe something similar happened for you here in regards to the contact being "forced" upon you, or at least not on your terms?

I admire you for writing to your T and telling her the impact on you. I can’t bring myself to tell my T, and imagine she is completely oblivious. I therefore feel that I’m contributing to the problem that many T’s don’t realise the awful outcomes that clients can have.

I follow an infidelity blog and actually see a fair amount of this type of thing written about in the posts there - awful person cheats on their spouse, but maintains a great public image, and most people who become aware of how they treated their spouse will blame the victim, rather than look at the cheat’s behaviour. It feels like an injustice, and on some levels it is exactly that - they (cheating spouse/unethical T) seemingly get to go on like nothing happened, while at least one person is left suffering because of their actions.