Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

Victoria'smom · Jun 17, 2022 at 06:30 PM

T,
I broke my relationship with my husband. I'm mad, and said things that shouldn't be said. Now he's debating leaving

velcro003 · Jun 17, 2022 at 09:15 PM

T: Anger is so, so hard. I am thankful that you said it is okay to be angry with or at you, but I just can't.

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 17, 2022 at 09:36 PM

Well, I made it through h's procedure today without calling you. Mostly because it was SOOOO cold in the surgery center, I finally told them to call me on my cell when he was done and went outside and sat in my car to warm up. I rolled the windows down and promptly fell asleep!! I didn't wake up until a car horn startled me awake, and by then it was already almost 4pm! I can't believe I slept that well sitting up in the car. I had books and yarn and all kinds of stuff to keep me busy but what did I do? Sleep. I guess I was tired, I hadn't been sleeping too well the last couple nights worrying about today. But it was worry for naught, as everything went well. I'll be on the zoom drum circle again next week, and I hope to see you on there again one of these times.

Victoria'smom · Jun 18, 2022 at 12:45 AM

T,
Why do you only work the last 3 days of the week. I'm ****ing up here and can't tell you for almost a week. By then I'll burn my whole life down. So can you help me pick up the pieces, I guess? I wish you could tell me just what to do.

Mountaindewed · Jun 18, 2022 at 02:56 PM

I never told my transfernce T or any T after her that the reason I ended things with the therapist before my transfernce T was because I made a bad joke and almost got the cops called on me. I was so scared I terminated things immediatly with that therapist right in that moment for my own safety. That was in December 2018 and then I met transference T in April 2019 but I never told her about that incident because it freaked the hell out of me.

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 18, 2022 at 03:23 PM

Also, yesterday was 6 months since our last session. I wonder if you thought about that at all? I still kinda miss you. Not in a painful way, but in a good memories, grateful kind of way.

Mountaindewed · Jun 18, 2022 at 03:32 PM

At our very first session I asked you 2 things. 1. Are you comfortable around trans people. And 2. Do you have expierences with eating disorders. You said yes to both of those things. The trans thing isn't a problem but now you seem uncomfortable with this supposed ED thing and that was the legit second question I asked you so what is happening now wouldn't happen. Honestly, if I need to throw you under the bus and tell your supervisor you told me when we first started meeting that you were comfortable with this issue, I won't hesitate.

comrademoomoo · Jun 18, 2022 at 06:42 PM

I don't know how to ask if I can come back. You obviously didn't believe me when I ended things. I don't even care about the shame associated with my push/pull response to you; therapy has been a series of shames after shames. But I feel stuck. I don't even know if I am waiting to come back to you or not. There are so many other barriers in the way now too. I can no longer afford your fee, even at its token amount. I am due to visit my mother and the trauma of this shuts me down from everyone. My partner said she wants to end our relationship because my hostility has worn her down. I am worried about work. I need to work more hours but it £ucks up my mental health. All of this causes me to retreat from others and since you are the most complex other, I can't reach out to you.

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 19, 2022 at 05:17 PM

i just read something about a t telling their client 'i'll always have space for you'. I remember when you used to say that to me. but that changed for whatever reason in november of last year, didn't it. I still don't understand why or what I did wrong. There really were quite a few things that led to my decision to stop for good. I wonder if you even realized half of them because I didn't talk about them all. Eh but I'm not gonna let this drag me down, I'm doing well, handling everything life has been throwing at me lately, reminding myself to just see each thing as one thing at a time and do what needs to be done for each and eventually they will all be resolved. h's procedure is done, we got a new/used car so that's done, the fridge repair will take place this coming week and in the meantime we borrowed a small one to use, I resolved the work issue to my satisfaction, i have talked with my sister, one by one things are getting dealt with and I am breathing a little easier now.

Mountaindewed · Jun 19, 2022 at 05:19 PM

I don't know what to wear at our next session. My only option really is shorts and a T shirt. The last time you saw me 2 weeks ago I had on a kinda baggy hoodie and jeans. I'm sorry if you think this is a bigger issue then it actually is.

LostOnTheTrail · Jun 20, 2022 at 01:48 AM

One more sleep.

I might need you to move closer this week.

It's been strange and difficult.

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 20, 2022 at 09:51 AM

Dear mystery-male-t-in-my-dream: Please come back tonight and show me what to do with the circle I drew in the dream before my stupid alarm woke me up!

LostOnTheTrail · Jun 20, 2022 at 12:15 PM

Thank you for replying to my text.
I'm gonna need to shed some armour for tomorrow's session.
The armour was what enabled me to get through this situation without losing my cool at the Amazon rep.

Mountaindewed · Jun 20, 2022 at 04:54 PM

I've been having these really strange thoughts about you lately. One of the songs I've been listening to a lot is Slow Burn, by who else but Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness and theres this part that goes "good when you're putting your hands all over me." I guess when I do my remote sessions in bed with you and I'm halfway falling asleep its kind of like I'm sleeping with you. You commented the other day that I was about to fall asleep but you didn't sound weirded out by it. So maybe a lot of clients do sessions in their beds. If I had some other place else beside my room to do sessions I would. I mean I don't normally do remote anyways so I guess it doesn't matter in the long run.

Victoria'smom · Jun 20, 2022 at 10:34 PM

So far in a week long period if I had the money I'd drop 4k. I'd have a new puppy, art supplies and all the food we've ate out and gifts I've given. I want to spend more I would buy dog training lessons, vet insurance, good dog food....

Mountaindewed · 10:52 AM

You asked me last week if this week I'd be in person and you seemed kind of eager to have me in your office again. I know I can get tired while doing remote and hearing me is often hard for some reason so I have to repeat myself a lot. Its nice though to have it the other way around. Have the therapist eager to be doing in person sessions.

LostOnTheTrail · Jun 21, 2022 at 10:24 AM

Thank you for today's session.
Thank you for understanding.
I am exhausted, and yet grateful to you for holding space for me today.

Mountaindewed · Jun 21, 2022 at 03:42 PM

I've eaten 7 things on the food list you made me. Including the blackberries. You have been harping on me about fruit. First it was vegetables. Now its fruit. I've had both this week. I've had a lot of vegetables actually and I've cut back on candy. So I still am not really seeing an issue. I've been in legit serious physical pain though. I take tylenol and zofran and then I can eat. A lot of the time it is healthy stuff. I don't know what you have planned for tommorow. But I hope its nothing serious.

Ambra · Jun 21, 2022 at 05:53 PM

Dear T,
For the first time since I know you, I am mad at you. I understand illness and the need to reschedule etc but you could just have waited a couple hours before giving my space away to someone else.
I think I may appreciate a few months break from this trauma work. I though the effort of working on that with you in such a busy moment of my life was worth it but today I felt like a paycheck and am no longer sure I want to spend so much energy on this work with all those major changes in sight. I’ve been feeling totally unloved these days and today you made a mess. If this has to be the way, then I have no space for your treatment in my life now.

ArtieTheSequal · Jun 22, 2022 at 12:39 PM

Heya L. Today for some reason I am missing you in a way that is approaching being uncomfortable. I think I know why, too. It's because it's almost my birthday, and because you used to text me a birthday wish, but there's no reason for you to do so this year since I'm not seeing you anymore. I think I'm already feeling a little sad that you likely won't this year. I mean, there's no reason anymore for you to think about me on that day, is there? Damn it. I suppose I will talk with you in my head about this tonight. Anyway I'm missing that sacred space of the therapy relationship today. Sigh.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

My Support Forums

Victoria'smom Legendary Member Since Apr 2012 Location: Earth Posts: 14,930 (SuperPoster!) 12 5,465 hugs given	Jun 17, 2022 at 06:30 PM #461 T, I broke my relationship with my husband. I'm mad, and said things that shouldn't be said. Now he's debating leaving __________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Jun 17, 2022 at 09:15 PM #462 T: Anger is so, so hard. I am thankful that you said it is okay to be angry with or at you, but I just can't.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,325 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,811 hugs given	Jun 18, 2022 at 03:23 PM #466 Also, yesterday was 6 months since our last session. I wonder if you thought about that at all? I still kinda miss you. Not in a painful way, but in a good memories, grateful kind of way.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,567 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,911 hugs given	Jun 19, 2022 at 05:19 PM #470 I don't know what to wear at our next session. My only option really is shorts and a T shirt. The last time you saw me 2 weeks ago I had on a kinda baggy hoodie and jeans. I'm sorry if you think this is a bigger issue then it actually is. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,325 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,811 hugs given	Jun 20, 2022 at 09:51 AM #472 Dear mystery-male-t-in-my-dream: Please come back tonight and show me what to do with the circle I drew in the dream before my stupid alarm woke me up!