[LostOnTheTrail]

Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.

Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely.

This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means.

It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends.

We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience.

Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread.

Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy.



Area code 239 is the area code for a large area of southwestern Florida, that includes Cape Coral.

[unaluna]

Thanks for the new couch!

[ScarletPimpernel]

LT,
From your Dear T post: I think it is growth. L says new things, even things we perceive as "negative", is growth. For example: the first time I admitted I was angry with her. Or now we joke (but it's serious/honest) if I slammed a door or canceled a session, that would be growth too.

Embracing "negatives" is growth. A lot of us try so hard to be "good", but the truth is, we're not ALL good. We have anger and jealousy, etc. And we all have different parts of us. It's part of being human. So you feeling comfortable with irritated or frustrated parts of you is a good thing. At least imo.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

LT,
From your Dear T post: I think it is growth. L says new things, even things we perceive as "negative", is growth. For example: the first time I admitted I was angry with her. Or now we joke (but it's serious/honest) if I slammed a door or canceled a session, that would be growth too.

Embracing "negatives" is growth. A lot of us try so hard to be "good", but the truth is, we're not ALL good. We have anger and jealousy, etc. And we all have different parts of us. It's part of being human. So you feeling comfortable with irritated or frustrated parts of you is a good thing. At least imo.

Thanks, Scarlet, that helps to hear how L considers it growth. Both in expressing it and feeling comfortable with it inside you (which is a big part of what I struggle with--feeling anger, for example, and not just automatically turning it inward).


I feel like if it was something I was afraid to do before (even just temporarily), and now I'm doing that, it could be a positive thing. I mean, if I were just constantly berating him for his shortcomings as a T or a person, that wouldn't be positive! But to speak up about something I want/need or something that disappoints me, upsets me, or otherwise bothers me, as long as I do so in a generally respectful manner, I do think that's generally positive. Honestly, if I were to curse him out, I think that would be a positive development of sorts, too! He might think otherwise though....

[atisketatasket]

It is my last night in my mother’s house. It will go on the market in a couple weeks.

All I can think is “it’s over, it’s really over.” My mother’s life, my time here, both this summer and in terms of having a base here.

It hurts like hell.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It is my last night in my mother’s house. It will go on the market in a couple weeks.

All I can think is “it’s over, it’s really over.” My mother’s life, my time here, both this summer and in terms of having a base here.

It hurts like hell.

It does. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It is my last night in my mother’s house. It will go on the market in a couple weeks.

All I can think is “it’s over, it’s really over.” My mother’s life, my time here, both this summer and in terms of having a base here.

It hurts like hell.

Hugs to you....

[unaluna]

It's attachment.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I'm sorry @@. That's so hard.

[Quietmind 2]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

It is my last night in my mother’s house. It will go on the market in a couple weeks.


All I can think is “it’s over, it’s really over.” My mother’s life, my time here, both this summer and in terms of having a base here.


It hurts like hell.

Hugs to you, if wanted.

"I wish this for you: to find the people you belong with, the ones who will see your pain, companion you, hold you close, even as the heavy lifting of grief is yours alone." – Megan Devine

(Ignore quote if too mushy for you.)

[RTerroni]

New couch, I went to a concert tonight and only about 15 people showed up.

[Quietmind 2]

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

I am a pretty mushy person, and I've noticed there are a lot of young folk who haven't developed a lot of resilience, flexibility, or self-advocacy skills (at least ones that go beyond saying "I have a problem" and into responsibility for identifying and pursuing solutions).

Is it a specific location, in I presume, the USA? Because I don't understand how it's a "young folk" thing at all.

My mother is in her 60s, and is utterly not resilient, extremely inflexible, and it's amazing how incredibly anxious she is. I've long wondered how she made it into her 60s when her anxiety is off the charts to the point that she freaks out if she misses a bus stop, or if we didn't walk in a close clump of family members. Numerous other examples. Absolutely zero personal responsibility for identifying and pursuing solutions.

I'd love to say she's an exception, but that's not the case.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Interesting question, QM. I agree that this isn't limited to young people.

I was thinking more specifically of the transition in young adulthood that happens for many college students, thus the "young folk." I know a lot of them, and actually find humans this stage remarkable and exciting and passionate about the world, and inspiring. And I think there are a lot of reasons many people in that transition stage are entering college/university struggling with those skills in ways that are systemic/cultural.


(And I genuinely apologize, if needed. Tone is hard to read, but I am wondering if I was inadvertently insensitive, appearing to paint "young folk" with a broad brush.)

[Quietmind 2]

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

Interesting question, QM. I agree that this isn't limited to young people.

I was thinking more specifically of the transition in young adulthood that happens for many college students, thus the "young folk." I know a lot of them, and actually find humans this stage remarkable and exciting and passionate about the world, and inspiring. And I think there are a lot of reasons many people in that transition stage are entering college/university struggling with those skills in ways that are systemic/cultural.

(And I genuinely apologize, if needed. Tone is hard to read, but I am wondering if I was inadvertently insensitive, appearing to paint "young folk" with a broad brush.)

Yeah, I did feel hurt because it read like a broad global brush against young people.

I'm guessing you're referring to a particular subset of college students then, that have helicopter parents clearing any obstacles for them or something. Or who have/had really overbearing caregivers. That they never learned appropriate coping skills and distress tolerance, no matter the age.

Where I live, a lot of middle aged and upwards people also apply a really broad, and very negative brush for younger people. We're apparently a monolith that are all entitled, expect handouts, desire coddling, fragile, and vehemently want ridiculous levels of "safe spaces".

When the reality is really very different.

My mother (and others like her) have no idea how utterly amazing her salary and work benefits are, and despite zero personal responsibility regarding her finances, is going to have a very comfortable retirement.

Even after her work benefits end, she'll get great, proactive and responsive, holistic healthcare for extremely cheap as the elderly are venerated to an excessive and blind degree. There's so much given and offered to her with zero means-testing. Yet she doesn't make use of any of those resources and takes zero ownership about her health issues. This help extends to more than healthcare.

You folks will see green, and I'd totally understand why! Because I am green with envy too lol. I'm definitely not getting any of that - these are policies meant to uplift the elderly only.

Telling her times are different, and that younger people like me don't have the same stuff didn't work.

It was also incredibly frustrating just how extremely dependent she is, for all kinds of minor stuff. She couldn't even handle a yes/no computer popup on her own, and would freak out. Googling anything made her anxious and demanding I come over immediately (as though it's a life s death thing) to tell her exactly what to type into Google. I'd show her something a million times and ask her to physically try it out, but she'd just refuse and insist I do it for her.

There's even plenty of free computer/tablet/smartphone classes for people like her, but noooo, she just said she can't.

Amazing how she's survived more than 20 years at her job which requires daily computer use, but then I was tech support to older and younger people (even younger than me!) alike with the same problem.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

New couch, I went to a concert tonight and only about 15 people showed up.

I've been to a couple like that in the past--I felt bad for the band! Though I also met a guy I dated for a few months at one of those sparsely attended shows.

[stopdog]

It has gotten worse in the 25 years I have been teaching. But so has the coddling by the administration and helicoptering by parents.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

New couch, I went to a concert tonight and only about 15 people showed up.

It happened to me once and I felt so embarrassed for the band that I wanted to cry. I didn't enjoy it one bit.

[stopdog]

The excessive rain has brought out some other creatures. I have a young possum who visits nightly. I leave him out a dog biscuit or two every night.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Originally Posted by stopdog

It has gotten worse in the 25 years I have been teaching. But so has the coddling by the administration and helicoptering by parents.

I also think blame culture, constant increasing political conflict/polarization, lack of societal stability, social media soundbite culture all together make the transition to young adulthood increasingly challenging. And hey!, that's not quite enough, so now let's throw in a pandemic to make things even more intense.


Just think of all of the self-responsibility and advocacy lessons they have the opportunity to learn from you, sd. Heh.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

Just think of all of the self-responsibility and advocacy lessons they have the opportunity to learn from you, sd. Heh.

I honestly think it is not worse than ever before -mostly because of reading centuries of younger people thinking older ones were idiots and vice versa. I don't think it is harder than being married off at 14 to be a breeding mare for example, or being in a trench at Flanders, or indentured to a ship or other trade, or being put in a workhouse and so on. Every generation has had to deal with something including modernization, changing rules and so on. I think they are continually being told it is harder and they are believing it. Small children in other countries successfully do a lot of things and in this country people become unhinged if an 8 yr old is playing alone in its own backyard.

Somewhat surprisingly - I do have a small reputation for being terrifying. It amuses me because, in reality, as long as one of them is not being an active idiot, I am a giant softie in action if not demeanor.
Completely surprising is more that I always have at least one or two gaggles of them who pad around after me like baby ducks. About 1/3 think I am funny, 1/3 are confused about when I am serious and when I am not -made up equally between those who think I am well meaning but demented and the others who think I am mean, and 1/3 who are just there for no good reason and don't pay any attention to me one way or the other.

I will say that whenever we have visiting faculty from Europe or Asia -they are horrified at the grade inflation, lack of true rigor, and over-solicitiveness towards students by u.s. universities. One poor guy used to come to my office, flop in a chair, and just put his head in his hands when some new bs would come out about more coddling from the university or when some student would ask him to change their grade.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Somewhat surprisingly - I do have a small reputation for being terrifying.

Indeed, that is very surprising.

I however have been depicted as Barney the purple dinosaur in a student meme characterizing the department faculty.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Indeed, that is very surprising.

I however have been depicted as Barney the purple dinosaur in a student meme characterizing the department faculty.

Now THAT'S terrifying!

As for SD, i get the duckling thing

[NP_Complete]

You know, I've heard this song before, but for some reason this rendition at this point in my life, it's just hitting me in a really emotional way. I don't know why this is making me cry so much.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Now THAT'S terrifying!

As for SD, i get the duckling thing

When they make fun of me -it is usually over vocabulary or syntax. Every now and then I accidentally come up on them and hear it. It is funny both in how they do it and the response to me standing behind them while they do it. It wasn't upsetting, as the ones I have come upon have not been unpleasant and are even often the better students, but it was surprising to know they find my vocabulary odd. Many people find my syntax odd so they just join the throngs on that one.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Indeed, that is very surprising.

I however have been depicted as Barney the purple dinosaur in a student meme characterizing the department faculty.

I included it because of how very surprising one must find it indeed.

I may have to adjust my view of you as Athena/Barney being a dinosaur sensation teaching them the Alpha Beta Deltas and I, II, III