Couch 240: The Vanadis Couch

RIP Angela Lansbury. I knew her from Murder, She Wrote, but she had a lot of career before that.

Oh no! I really liked her! I love Murder She Wrote. I always catch the reruns on the weekends.

I feel disconnected from T from not seeing her in a while. A couple of weeks. I lost track of when I did see her last. I feel like I should warn her either before hand on text or when we start talking. Because I might not be as talkative.

I hear you there. Even though my mom had designated what to do with particular items, it was still a huge undertaking to go through everything. We converged as a family one long weekend and went through the minutiae. Then we hired an estate company to take care of the rest.

When I was going through my own crud after my husband died, I realized how much I had boxed away and forgotten about. I decided if I had forgotten what I was keeping, it probably would mean even less to my kids down the road. Purged a lot of things; took a hard look at what was truly important to keep.

Hugs, Kit, I'm sorry you didn't get to see her Saturday. I wonder if she's still dealing with the concussion if she slept that late? You shouldn't have to deal with her feelings over stuff like that.

I hope tonight's session goes well.

Aw, I used to watch Murder, She Wrote with my mom when I was a kid. And yeah, she did have quite the career before that, including Broadway.

Hugs, Artie--I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Losses can trigger things like that for sure.

I hope you'll be able to get on some medication that will help. When do you see pdoc? And when was the last time you were on medication? There are a lot of options out there now beyond SSRIs (though I'm not currently on anything).

Angela Lansbury was very prolific.

thanks LT. I'm actually waiting for them to call me back with the appointment, they've got me on a short wait list for the pdoc I saw back in like 2009-2012 or therabouts. I liked him as far as doctors go and if it doesn't take too long, I'd prefer to start with someone I've seen before. If they can't get me in soon, I'll have to go off my insurance list. I was on sertraline and trazodone previously. i know my son had been on desvenlafaxine with great success, he's no longer on medication as he was able to go off of it before he moved. I just read about it, I see it's an SNRI, so is different I guess from sertraline (an SSRI).

There are many types of meds out there now. I take an SSRI, a mood stabilizer, and an anti-psychotic (for my SI and SH thoughts).

I suspect it was the trazodone that made you feel like a zombie--I was prescribed that at one point for insomnia, and I couldn't tolerate it because it made me so tired all day (same with gabapentin and something else--hydroxyzine maybe?). You're right that SNRIs are different from SSRIs--I had bad luck with those, but they work well for many people, like your son!

There are also atypical antipsychotics like Abilify that they use for depressive symptoms. Plus other ones (Rexulti maybe is in that category?) Or even within the SSRI family, they all have somewhat different effects, like sertraline and Paxil (paroxetine?) worked well for me, but Prozac made me horribly anxious (it did help with the depression though!) So it could be you need to try a few to find the right fit. I hope you can see the pdoc soon!

I couldnt believe it was really her when i saw The Picture of Dorian Gray. She was a babe!

Art, desvenlafaxine was the medication that brought me out of my great depression in 2017 or so. Not the only one that worked, but certainly the one that worked best. And it’s the one I went back to this past spring, before my mother even got sick. Things would probably have been a lot worse for me this summer without it.

I always thought she was a shameless over actor -but I remember her in Bedknobs and Broomsticks. And she played Ruth in Pirates of Penzance with Kevin Kline and Linda Ronstadt. But mostly I associate her with Sweeney Todd and the Manchurian Candidate.

I didn't stay on the trazodone for very long actually... it gave me horrible nightmares. i had been on prozac for several years before i went to this pdoc, it had been prescribed by my primary care doc back in CA before we moved to arizona, and it just either stopped working or wasn't enough anymore or something when my breakdown happened just before I started seeing this pdoc, so he took me off that and put me on the zoloft & trazodone.

y'know, just knowing that i have reached out for help has made the dark clouds withdraw a tiny bit and i realize tonight, that i am feeling a little hopeful again.

Oh yeah, manchurian candidate was the best.

this morning just when my alarm went off I was dreaming one of those 'it feels so real' dreams, in the dream h and I had gone to a restaurant somewhere and I realized I'd lost my purse. I went back in and there were already people at the table we'd been at so I asked them if they'd seen it, described it to them, etc and they said no. it wasn't in the restroom either so I was panicking in the dream and woke up feeling that same panic so I basically flew out of bed and went in the kitchen to make sure my purse was here, and literally grabbed it up and hugged it.

I had a slight rupture with J (L's coworker/back up therapist) last night. She tried challenging my thoughts... It's resolved now. I understand her intentions. What is upsetting is the fact that there was even a rupture. I feel like if I can't maintain a healthy relationship with a therapist, how in the world am I going to navigate a normal relationship? I don't think they work the same way... Do they? Maybe I'm just so used to my family, especially with my sister. With my sister, you should never bring up any wrongdoing or anything negative that goes against her opinion otherwise she'll cut you off from seeing her kids... which is where I'm at right now with her because I turned down her offer to go to the rodeo with her.

I'm also upset with L. She told J about my Borderline diagnosis. I brought it up to J last night and she said L already told her. I thought I'd be able to tell her on my own terms when I'm ready. I think thos is the second time L's told J too much? I say "think" because I don't really remember the last rupture before L left.

I can't wait for tomorrow to see L again. I need L so much right now. I don't care too much with being upset with L. I have no energy for it..

Update on my physical ailments from the IUD:

Still cramping, still bleeding, and now sharp pain. The doctor wants me to get an ultrasound, but my insurance won't cover in-office ultrasounds. So they had to refer me to an imaging place. I tried calling them yesterday, but they hadn't received the fax yet. You'd think they'd be a little more concerned...

Oh Scarlet I'm so sorry. I would think they could at least schedule you even if they don't have the orders yet. can you pick up the orders from your doctor and hand-deliver them? We have to do that constantly here with different places.

my university is back to bandying about the insane idea that we need warnings on anything that might possibly cause a student to feel something. Apparently all that should be taught is Richard and Jane walk their dog Tip in the Park and Nothing Happens at All. (I had to change the name to Richard because the stupid filters wouldn't let me use a perfectly acceptable man's nickname for Richard - oh no -too upsetting). No wonder I have students who can't handle anything with this sort of idiocy.

Haha...

If they're talking about warnings in relation to a law degree, I can see why you're incensed about it.

I would think that law students should be capable of handling sterner stuff.

I sent pdoc a message through the patient portal to see about the letter for work. I hope he can do it. T says she can do it but she would prefer Pdoc do it. So I hope he does it. Like how hard is it to get a workplace accommodation in CA! And to get the employers to actually follow it?! It should not be this difficult.

Hugs, Artie. That's actually a recurring dream of mine, where I'm someplace and have lost my purse and am going around looking for it in a panic. I've also had ones where I have this ridiculous amount of luggage or bags that I'm carrying, and stuff keeps falling out that I need to pick up. Pretty sure they're all anxiety dreams.

That's funny (but understandable) that you hugged it though!

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm sorry about the rupture. I think therapy relationships are different from outside relationships, so struggling there doesn't mean you can't manage outside ones. I feel that they're more similar to maternal/paternal ones--possibly like those with a sibling, but I'm an only child so have no point of reference for that.


I hope it goes well with L tomorrow.

Also, from your other post, I'm sorry you're in so much physical pain. It doesn't seem like that's normal, so I hope you can get an ultrasound soon. So stupid that insurance will pay for an outside one but not an in-office one. I'm guessing maybe they have payment agreements with places like Advanced Radiology, so they're cheaper for the insurance to cover? Doesn't help you though, when you're the one hurting....