Weird, sad, text from T

I would also check in with her, Kit.

It is a T's responsibility to schedule appointments in the first place. If she has not confirmed, then please contact her so at least you know and are not left hanging.

It doesn't sound very therapeutic to be left wondering whether she keeps her commitments or not.

This therapist sounds v unprofessional in every way. There are plenty of caring yet boundaried therapists out there who wouldn't re traumatise you.

T was late but she was there. She never makes up the time when she is late but she does text me throughout the week so I assume that makes up for it. I don't feel as connected to her as I did before this last break, but I do feel more connected to her now than I did yesterday. We had a good session and covered a lot. I feel like we are back on track now.

Hugs, Kit. I'm glad you feel back on track with her.


I still think it's wrong for a T to not make up the time when they're the one late. My T will nearly always make up the time, though he's never much more than 5 minutes late. Ex-MC would always make it up (though that just made him more and more late with each client). I get what you mean regarding how the texts during the week might help make up for it, but at the same time, some of her texts lately caused you additional distress!

Good points, LT. Points to ponder.

Not really. It is about establishing a safe container and structure to the therapeutic work. Not to mention consistency + respecting the agreement (therapy contract) with her clients. This means giving clients the full length of a session.

Texting you during the week is something she is choosing to do. Giving you the full duration of a session is something she is contractually obligated to give you.

Good distinctions Rive. Thank you for the food for thought.

Sometimes I have moments of clarity around T. Then she goes and does something like this (text I received from T a little bit ago)

Kit, I carry you in my heart and soul always. Please know I am here for you and would take away your pain in a quick second if I could. You are strong. You are amazing. Love you.

How could I not love that? It feeds into the needing nurturing and comfort that I was missing earlier. I know this. And part of me is like, this will end badly. The other part of me says to feel loved is worth it.

I, too, love it when L nurtures me. I love it when she says she loves me. AND she has boundaries. We have defined what love means to us. It's not just a feel good feeling. There's meaning behind it.

Another thing I've learned is that respect is greater than love. You can respect someone and not love them, but you cannot love someone and not respect them. I don't think your T respects you: your boundaries, your time, your healing. She sounded kind of apologetic in her text, almost needy. Like she's the one seeking love and nurturing.

Love comes in many forms, but healthy does not manipulate.