[BizzyBee]

Hello,

I used to come here years ago. I was with a T for 4.5 years with crazy attachment. He very suddenly terminated me in the midst of a crisis.

Possible trigger:

my mom committed suicide 8 months prior and 2 months prior i went public with my story of being raped by a clergy man

It was the worst time in my life. Which says a lot as I have been through some ****.

I tried out a few Ts but nothing stuck until my current T. He is great. I didn't feel any attachment to him but he was tremendously helpful. I have been with him about 2.5 years. He does EMDR which Mt exT also poo-pooed on. But it has been so helpful. About a month ago the crazy longing started to come back. Just about the time we were switching from 1x per week to 2x. I shared some really heavy things.

Ok sorry for the long back story. The reason I share this is, this morning I had the most awful dream. I dreamed that I was lying on the ground and he was kicking and kicking me in the stomach and face. His face was so angry. Now the caring face I had in my mind of him is gone and it is now the angry face. My whole body feels frozen and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any ideas of how to get the good image back? I so bad want to email him but I am afraid I will get in trouble as I am not really supposed to.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Can you ask him for a picture of himself? I have pictures of my therapist. I can't picture people's faces in my mind, so it's really helpful for the longings to be able to see her face.

[Lostislost]

Does your T do dream work? Maybe that would help make sense of the nightmare and get rid of the bad image?

[BizzyBee]

Thanks y'all. This is so hard. I did end up emailing him and told him about the dream and he sent me a picture of him smiling. It was very helpful. He does do dream work so I am sure we will talk about it next session. Thanks for listening!

[*Beth*]

Wow, that's an intense dream. Violent, to say the least. To me it seems alarming to have a dream of your therapist kicking you while you're on the ground - especially in the face, which represents your essence and identity.

Might you be transferring your feeling of having been terribly mistreated by your ex-t to your current t, with whom you feel safer? Sometimes I've dreamt of someone with whom I feel safe hurting me in a way someone with whom I did not feel safe hurt me. But I didn't dare let my hurt from the first person surface because I could not trust that person enough to be vulnerable with them. Ugh, I'm sleepy and I hope this makes sense.

At any rate, I believe it's so important that you discuss the dream with your therapist, that you don't allow the information that dream gave to you slip away.

[Fuzzybear]