the message T left for me the past friday was the most powerful thing i have ever had... like ever. No one has EVER touched me that deeply. It's heart breaking and wonderful all at once. i wanted to cry. i feel like i have been buried alive and someone finally heard me crying for help. yeah, it was that powerful to me.

trouble is.. i don't know that there could ever be anything we could do that would top that... not that therapy has to be a constant upward linear progression or anything.. but i feel like maybe i hit the high note with him and now it will all feel anticlimatic...

i am curious, from those with long term experience especially... can that place be reached again? Is it repeatable?

i feel like it needs to be... i know i will crave that feeling because it is so very powerful, and i know that i need to learn to taper that and give myself what i need... but during the process.. while i learn to crawl, stand and maybe someday walk.. will i ever be able to feel like strong of a connection?

i finally feel like he's on my side.. like he got it in such a deep way... i feel like he cares about what i went through and will go through soon... i feel understood. i have never felt this before and i am tentative about it. i am afraid to blink because something might ruin it...

today's session was good.. nothing fantastic though.. i feel so awkward and shy and stupid.. like i go blank as soon as i walk in the door... i'm on new ground, very uncertain.. i don't know what to do.. i feel like i need to be doing something and i dont know what..

[Perna]

I had a therapist tell me, before I could "hear" it that with opposite feelings it show we have as much capability with the one as with the other. The depth of a negative feeling, for example, says how capable you are of feeling the opposite "good" feeling.

If you have been in love and know about how infatuated one is at first? I think my experience felt like that; it "calmed down" wasn't as extreme but I was increasingly content and felt "warmth" for my T and others (and myself :-) more often wasn't connected so extremely, just "normally" and that feels good because it's not so extreme :-) I felt more competent and sure of myself too, more "centered". I feel more "personally" instead of feeling like it's the other person doing something that makes me feel as I do.

[MissCharlotte]

Fluff,

I think that is so awesome. Make extra copies of that message. Transcribe it and put on the mirror!

I don't know but I guess if you climb another mountain you can reach another pinnacle?

Peace

[tulips30]

Fluff....I haven't been on much lately for several reasons. But, I am so glad I checked in this evening cause your post made me feel so good and so full of hope. Your "experience" just radiates thru the airwaves and gives me a sense of the possibilities of therapy.

I wish I had an answer for ANYTHING, but I know the desire to replicate a wonderful experience is universal. My advice is to embrace it, replay it and put your feelings about it in a safe place. Many times after something wonderful has blown me away, I forget to savor and hold on to the experience cause I'm so caught up in wondering if it could ever happen again. Magic is magic. "Right time, right place etc." I hope you have hundreds more experiences like this one. But now you know the possibility exists to feel the way you have felt. Nobody can take that away from you....EVER!!

much love to you tulips

[chaotic13]

OK all this good news in one day... Jello... enjoy the moment :-)
Seriously, you had some good posts this week. Hope you take a deep breath and enjoy the good feelings- you're working hard and deserve them.

I've got my brain mechanic appointment tomorrow, you've got me pumped.. well not really.. but ..I'm still going... that's good.
I'm going try to trade in my Simon & Garfunkel mantra for " I Am a Willow" ...And damn proud of it!

Be the willow! Stretch and Bend.. stretch and bend


Thanks for sharing your positive experience.

[Flowerb]

The answer is "probably." I like what tulips wrote, "magic is magic" and sometimes it just is. Everything is in perfect attunement and we feel seen and heard and loved. Nothing can be perfect all the time but getting it right like this bodes well for getting it right again.

I think we have to be careful to not push for it though. Therapy is a whole lot of work with these kinds of moments sprinkled in as rewards. And even as it gains a certain level of comfort, there are times when everything goes topsy turvey and you then have that intensity again.

My professor calls them "moments of meeting."

I remember a session where I was talking about all the different bedrooms I had as a child. My T and I talked about the wall colors and the rugs and the decorations. Somehow, the therapy room narrowed and it was just he and I, wandering through my memories, like he could see it as clearly as I could. I stopped for a minute and he said, "the bed makes you sad." And I started to cry and nodded. And even though he didn't touch me, I felt him hold me and take me back to his office. It was incredibly powerful. (and I never would have believed it if hadn't happened to me.) But I've never been able to figure out how to recreate these moments at will.

So hang on to the one you just had. They are very special

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MzJelloFluff said:
i am curious, from those with long term experience especially... can that place be reached again? Is it repeatable?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">YES!!!!

Thanks for sharing the pinnacle with us.

I agree with what Flowerb wrote--not to push for it to happen again. It will happen. What is cool is that sometimes it just happens, like falls out of the sky. You go to therapy thinking well maybe I will talk about X, and you end up not doing that, but go off on something else, and have one of those moments of perfect attunement. They are out there. Just give them space to come again and they will be there.

thanks guys This has lifted my spirits tihs morning.

you guys are awesome

i was wondering about that.. ths pushing i mean. Somewhere in here i know i shouldn't.. but right now.. after that just once thing. iwant it back.

(mckell.. omg.. that is tooooo funny)

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MzJelloFluff said:
i want it back.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

WELL yeah! Sounds kinda of like a mind blowing one nighter. Its now the next morning and you' re wondering, was he really that good or was it just the beer goggles? And more importantly, should I call him back and try for a second round or will that risk breaking the experience.

I took Sunrise's comment as saying relax enjoy the experience; but try to avoid anticipating or trying to deliberately reproduce what can only develop on its own. As a control freak I would have great difficulty with the latter.

I've got the sweetest hangover, I don't wanna get over... Diana Ross Perna started it!

Sorry.. I'm a bit crazy this morning..

[Mouse_]

It does come back. It also works on our unconsious and becomes that safe internalised mother. One day your be able to reach that place by yourself.