Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

Hugs, Velcro. I'm so sorry that they weren't able to handle the situation better. I hope you're able to somehow find a way to get back to working with the kiddos after you're recovered.

velcro, would it help to think of this as just a temporary reassignment? Once you get your medical issue resolved, hopefully you can move back into the position you want. I would take this as a good sign that they value you as an employee and are trying to work with you in a difficult situation. It must feel awful and like a big loss though to be in this situation. I hope you're back on your feet, literally, very soon.

I seem to be in the minority here, but they still have to run their business and need someone to work with the kids. Unfortunately, velcro can't do that right now. They could have fired her outright, since most states are at-will employment or whatever it's called, but they didn't. They did find her something else to do that will help to pay those bills that don't stop coming just because you're not working.

Yeah, I agree with NP-The woman in HR did not have to go out of her way to find me another position. They very well could have fired me once my FMLA ran out. I know that is really awesome of her, it still feels like my job was ripped out of my hands.

And yes, they need a teacher in that room, ASAP. That’s why that when I do recover, I know I won’t be able to go back to my position with the 2 year olds.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my kids. I haven’t seen them since the beginning of March.

I know it’s not the end of the world, but it does feel like it.

My school is offering a course called "Adulting for Beginners."

It is not intended for students. It is intended for employees.

this sort of thing makes me lose hope for the future

I know some of you seem to take issue with my therapist over the whole career change thing where he strung me along, but I wonder if it's more than that. I know that I tend to only talk about our relationship on here when we're having an issue. In general, I think we have really good rapport and work well together and I have strong feelings for him. So it pains me to bring this up. Lately I've been really struggling. I've talked here some about what's going on for me right now. Last session I brought up the whole wall of boxed wine in the grocery store thing and I was sobbing about it because I'd been holding it in for days at that point. I was lamenting that I was still affected by just seeing this product. And he pops out with how we haven't been working on that kind of thing and how that's not his area of expertise and maybe I need EMDR or exposure therapy or something. I was kind of out of it at that point so I might be misremembering. I'm not sure how to feel about that. What have we been doing? I do find value in it whatever it is. Is he trying to get rid of me? Is he truly not able to help me? Do I make him feel incompetent? My feelings for him are so warm that I don't know what to do with his statement.

My issue with your therapist goes back before that—it just doesn’t seem like he’s that skilled in dealing with major trauma. I’m glad he suggested using another approach, actually, it speaks well of him. It doesn’t mean you make him feel incompetent or he’s trying to get rid of you. More likely it means he wants the best for you, and realizes he may not be it.

I do understand you have a good rapport. That does come through in your posts here. He wouldn’t be able to hurt you so badly, even unintentionally, if you didn’t.

You can have strong feelings and be attached to someone, but they may still not be the best person to steer you through the current storm. It doesn't take away from the work you have already done.

The EDMR comment to me reads about just about providing you with more coping skills and. getting you the extra support you need and deserve.

Kit the 19th is a long time. Is it possible for you to look around for another T would could see you as a backup whilst your normal T is away?

Wishing your mother a speedy recovery.

I'm with ATAT that I think this speaks well of him. I felt something very similar when my main T suggested EMDR, that she was frustrated by my (perceived) lack of progress and wanted to get rid of me. It felt really awful because she and I also have a deep bond and I trust that she knows what she's doing. (She is a trauma therapist but doesn't do EMDR and didn't incorporate much somatic stuff at the time.) We ended up having a gigantic rupture about something else and I left for several months.

During that time I sought out one of the EMDR therapists I had considered before, partially for EMDR and some DBT lite, and partially to process what had happened with my main T. That's when I realized that the bottom-up approach is pretty different from traditional talk therapy and that EMDR complemented the other work. EMDR reduced the activation enough that I could talk about things with my main T that I couldn't talk about before without getting too dysregulated.

It's like how good interdisciplinary treatment for diabetes involves your primary care doctor, an endocrinologist, and a dietitian. One can't replace the other since they're different treatments, but they all have something important to offer. So whether or not you add EMDR, I hope you can see that P is trying to offer you more things to help and not that he doesn't understand how important he is and what your work with him means to you.

Hugs, NP. I understand why you're reacting this way to what your T said. I felt similarly when my ex-T suggested I pursue DBT, for example. That she was trying to get rid of me.

However, as a few others have mentioned, I think it's actually good that he's suggesting this and admitting that he doesn't specialize in it. The thing is, assuming it's financially feasible and your T is OK with it, you could potentially keep seeing your T while doing EMDR therapy with another.

In fact, I was just having a similar conversation with R, Dr. T's backup. Where she mentioned trying EMDR in my other session today (which I won't be doing because we're meeting virtually due to my having a cold). And I said one of my concerns with trying that is that what if I felt like it was leading to something, then session would end, and it would be, "OK then, see you whenever Dr. T has his next vacation"? She said that was a good point.

I asked if she would at all be open to my possibly seeing her for EMDR while I'm still seeing Dr. T, and she said she would consider that, as long as he was OK with it (he's suggested before that he would be). That she's done that for some past clients, too (treated them while they were seeing a different primary T). So I'm going to ask him about it when he's back.

Anyway, back to you: First, I think you should tell your T how you wonder if he's trying to get rid of you. And the other things you're thinking. I imagine he'll explain that's not the case, but that he wonders if something he's not trained in could help you with some specific aspects of your struggles.

But also consider asking if he'd be willing to let you see someone else for one (or both) of those therapies. If that was more what he meant, to possibly get those elsewhere while still seeing him. I wonder if he knows anyone he could recommend?

My spouse saw a barred owl just hanging out in a tree on her run this morning and managed to get some pics. I am pretty jealous since I've never seen an owl outside of a zoo.

Your T job is to help you feel better. Even though you are attached to your T and like seeing them, they may not be actually helping you improve your overall issues resulting in breakdowns in a grocery store for example. This is something that EMDR can resolve rather quickly. I don't think they are trying to get rid of you and like others have said, you can continue to see your T but also work with someone on EMDR or exposure therapy. He knows that is not his specialty, EMDR takes a LOT of additional training. It doesn't mean he is incompetent just that it would be negligent for him to attempt EMDR without proper training. He wants the best for you so you can start feeling relief.

Time to start early morning running too?

Hope you do get to see one too.

I'm more of a "late morning walk" kind of person. Plus somebody has to stay home with sleeping kiddos. (This is my excuse! )

I was going to say...wouldn't ToddlerManatee need a grown up around?

Helpful session with R today, even though I ended up opting for virtual due to having a cold (she'd have been fine with in-person masked, but I wasn't sure I wanted that). She gave suggestions on how to talk to my faulty "filtration system" that lets the negative stuff in, but keeps out the positive. Like: "I see you. Thank you for trying to protect me. But there are positive signals that need to come in, too." Or something like that (I wrote it down). She said that recognizing it and thanking it are important before trying to get it to stop. That it will never go away; I just need to learn to work with it.


We talked about Dr. T a bit, too. I broke down sobbing in trying to explain why he was important to me, mostly in relation to stuff with D. And R was like, "It's clear that he means a lot to you." Maybe I miss him more than I realized (I'll see him Monday).

Well I thought today was supposed to be my first session with the new Therapist but apparently the person doesn't start until next week. Although I could have sworn they told me it was this week.

I also nearly got hit on the drive home which was likely due to me not thinking. I guess I thought that either the person let the car in front of me make a left turn they would let me make a right or since the car in front of me had enough room to turn that I did as well. Fortunately I didn't get hit but it was close.

That makes so much sense to me, LT.

I'm sorry your Critic is also vocal, but glad that your R gave useful suggestions on how to work with it.

(I mostly tell my Critic where to go...and the closer I get to telling the truth, the louder it is.)

I hope you'll be able to take some time in between the weekend's activities to process all this.

that's kinda where I'm at rn, working with my various complexes. naming them, getting to know them, so I can see them coming so they don't just take over. Cuz they're not going away, either.

So, my work colleagues thought it would be a good idea to arrange our next young people's writing workshop over the Easter weekend.

I'm supposed to be hosting the Zoom meeting tomorrow morning, and I have yet to receive the link.

Given that tomorrow is already a resonant day for me, I'd rather this was fuss-free.

That looks like Internal family systems work if you want to read up on it further.

i asked that chat bot thingie to write me a limerick and here's what it gave me:

"There once was a man named Bing
Who loved to chat and sing
He searched the web
For facts and celebs
And always had something interesting."

Thanks, Lost. I'm hoping I can put this into practice. I also said, "This might sound silly, but maybe I could write a letter to that part?" She practically leapt from her chair with excitement (at least it looked that way on the screen).


I'm sorry yours keeps getting louder, but it sort of makes sense that something would get louder when you try to get it to go away.

I think it could use time time learning meter. I'm guessing it was somehow tied to Microsoft?