Down to business? Finally!

I haven't had a lot to say on this forum recently. I've been reading all the battles people are having re transferrence, and I know that all of it is part and parcel of the process. Without this I/we would not eventually get to a place where we at a level deeper then our day to day consiousness, finally get to opens our box of secrets.

Lately its not been about how I feel about T or how she feels about me, its almost like I can take that for granted now, and thats a good, even place to be.

Today I had body sensations that I was dipping in and out off. I was able to describe then to T and she asked me if it was just sensations or pictures too? I said no just sensations, which leads me to think this are very early memorys.

At the end of the session T said this is important stuff. You understand now that the other things you've been talking about the last couple of weeks are getting mixed up with these sensations you hold and are not necessarly the reason for your fear the last few days?

I nodded yes, I knew it! Before I would be thrown in to flashbacks and have no room to see them at a distance, I was to caught up in them. Now its like I am experiencing them and being able to be objective with them also,. like the wall of PTSD is breaking down finally.

Now we're at this stage of the work, all the other stuff that use to take up most of the relationship, like the worrying will she love me or will she want me etc, donesn't present in the same way. So for this reason I haven't had much to say because inside I know everything is proceeding as it should be and thats not saying all is well in the house on the hill, its just saying, its ok.

On a lighter note, at one stage T said, and how does that make you feel? For a short while I tried to pretend that question was ok but I couldn't for long and I laughted and looked at T and said, thats such a therapy question! and she tried to keep a striaght face but couldnt and replied, I know I try not to use it that often LOL! that was a nice moment.

Mouse, maybe look at your first memory ever (and any other ones around it). When we got to looking at mine, I found a whole lot of stuff that is partially conjecture but "feels" right. My T confirmed that it sounded right to her too. But it makes sense of the "picture" of one's first memories and grounds them.

I remembered being read Dr. Seuss' McElligot's Pool (always have known it is my favorite Seuss book) when I was 2, and I bought a copy and took it to therapy and we discussed it in light of my other, first memory, and it was very interesting. At some point I had converted the happy, friendly whale on the last page into a sea monster!

Thanks Mouse for presenting a glimpse of a possible future. I hope I can progress to the point where the anxiety and fear about the interaction/process itself is gone and all my energy/ focus is on the actual problems not other distractions .

Sounds good to me too.

Great progress Mouse! Sounds like you have good trust there now. Keep going.

Mouse, I'm so happy for you for where you are in therapy; it sounds very comfortable and secure.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
On a lighter note, at one stage T said, and how does that make you feel? For a short while I tried to pretend that question was ok but I couldn't for long and I laughted and looked at T and said, thats such a therapy question! and she tried to keep a striaght face but couldnt and replied, I know I try not to use it that often LOL! that was a nice moment.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That is so funny!