Couch 244: Great Expectations

LonesomeTonight · Jul 13, 2023, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Everyone on this side of the Alps is rooting for you, CNS!

Meanwhile, in an ATAT update, about two weeks ago I lost the hearing in my left ear. I’ll see a doctor when I get back home (I’m upstate now) to be sure, but it’s probably just the progression of my hearing loss.

It was soooo disorienting getting sound in only one ear that three days ago I stopped wearing my hearing aids to equalize the sides a bit. Much better! It feels liberating but also dangerous. I’ll have to resume wearing them when I get back to work, of course, but right now the feeling of naked ears is awfully enjoyable.

I'm sorry, @@. Hugs, if wanted. And do enjoy the naked ear feeling while you can.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 13, 2023, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I am giving her another baby gift tomorrow to start the session off on a good note. Then we have some other things to touch on before processing.

I think I should have clarified a little. The infertility is making me feel hopeless, like there's no point to my life. That is triggering the SI. L believes the only way to help the SI is to move through the pain. I've been experiencing severe SI, nightmares, lack of hunger, nausea, and GI problems since I found out she's pregnant. But for the last two nights since talking about the infertility, I haven't had nightmares. She thinks it's because I am processing things when I'm awake, so my brain doesn't have to when I'm asleep.

You're right though. I need to try and pace this. I'm just desperate to reach the other side of it all. But that can't be rushed, huh? No one has ever helped me with this. And everyone walks on eggshells with me. My sister delayed telling me she was pregnant because she thought it would hurt me. Even L admitted that one of her fears was that her joy would cause me more pain. But I've been able to hold both the joy and pain at the same time. It's my issues causing me pain, not L's joy.

Hugs, Scarlet, I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I agree on moving slowly. But it also sounds like you do need to talk about it, to process it.

(And your post helped me realize that maybe I need to work on actually grieving something related to my therapeutic relationship, so thanks for that, even though it was accidental.)

stopdog · Jul 13, 2023, 04:10 PM

CNS - Good luck
WFS - have fun with offspring
ATAT - racy (I hope exhankster isn't overly excited by naked ears)

unaluna · Jul 13, 2023, 04:27 PM

I just measured my blood pressure, so no. But thanks for asking.

And... define overly?

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 13, 2023, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Everyone on this side of the Alps is rooting for you, CNS!

Meanwhile, in an ATAT update, about two weeks ago I lost the hearing in my left ear. I’ll see a doctor when I get back home (I’m upstate now) to be sure, but it’s probably just the progression of my hearing loss.

It was soooo disorienting getting sound in only one ear that three days ago I stopped wearing my hearing aids to equalize the sides a bit. Much better! It feels liberating but also dangerous. I’ll have to resume wearing them when I get back to work, of course, but right now the feeling of naked ears is awfully enjoyable.

I'm sorry @@, hugs if wanted.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 13, 2023, 05:35 PM

I am now scheduled to see the hematologist I was referred to for the clotting evaluation. There's a more technical way to say that but I've forgotten already. I'm seeing him on 8/11. It will be interesting to find out if my PVT was just a fluke or inherited. I'm pretty sure it's gonna come back inherited since my dad had a DVT at one point, but we'll see.

Tomorrow will already be 3 weeks since I got out of the hospital! And a week since I said goodbye to L (again). I told her it was maybe for good this time, so we shall see... I hadn't intended to stay this long when I went back in January, so who knows.

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 13, 2023, 08:07 PM

I just talked to L on the phone. We have a plan in place. First, I'm going to bed early tonight. In session, we're going to first talk about something I asked from her. Then we're going to go into processing the infertility. She wanted me to bring something grounding, that reminds me of the baby nursery we had when I had a house. I have a toile teddy bear that was in the nursery, so I'm going to bring that. Then we will wind down and do breathing and grounding exercises, do some questions and answers, and lastly I'll give her another gift I got for her baby. When I leave, I'll go to my mom's house to get some rest. Then, afterwards, I go straight to Starbucks and pick up food and a coffee.

I'm scared, but L gave me a bunch of reassurances. She explained it to me that we've just discovered an uncharted island, and we have no map yet. So it's going to be overwhelming at the start. But once we discover the different parts, we can focus on just one part and it will become easier. And she said that she can hold this pain with me, that it's not too much for her.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 13, 2023, 09:11 PM

That sounds like a good plan, Scarlet.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 13, 2023, 09:17 PM

H & I are on a quick little 2-night getaway... they offered VTO this morning so I worked most of the day and took 2 hours off. We drove out to Roosevelt Lake this afternoon, so beautiful. Then we found a Mexican restaurant that's been around since 1938... the food was soooo good!

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 13, 2023, 09:26 PM

That's beautiful, Artie! Glad you're enjoying yourself.

Off topic, why do you wrestle with ending with L? She's been such an important person in your life. Maybe you will or won't need sessions with her, but it doesn't have to be goodbye. Like I contact T monthly for the past 4 years. And I can always go back to her part-time. She's also one of my backup therapists. But I don't need her or want her as my therapist right now. I just feel like you wrestle a lot with all or nothing seeing your L when I'm not sure it has to be that black and white.

ArtieTheSequal · 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

That's beautiful, Artie! Glad you're enjoying yourself.

Off topic, why do you wrestle with ending with L? She's been such an important person in your life. Maybe you will or won't need sessions with her, but it doesn't have to be goodbye. Like I contact T monthly for the past 4 years. And I can always go back to her part-time. She's also one of my backup therapists. But I don't need her or want her as my therapist right now. I just feel like you wrestle a lot with all or nothing seeing your L when I'm not sure it has to be that black and white.

Yeah, I do still wrestle with that. I think I wrestle with it because there's still that part of me that wants more of her. I suppose I still need to finish grieving the whole "we can't be friends" thing. Hmm. This needs to be a topic for my thinkwriting, huh.

I suppose there's always the whole "just how long is therapy supposed to last, anyway, there's SUPPOSED to be a beginning, middle, and an end, isn't there?"

Always with the supposed to's, I am.

Thanks, Scarlet, for giving me some good food for thought. I appreciate it.

NP_Complete · Jul 13, 2023, 11:21 PM

What if you don't think of it as ending it with her forever, but maybe as periodic check-ins, like every 6 months or whatever feels comfortable for you. There's no denying you have a meaningful relationship with this person. There's nothing wrong with needing some additional support even if it's not an ongoing thing and just occasionally.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 13, 2023, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

What if you don't think of it as ending it with her forever, but maybe as periodic check-ins, like every 6 months or whatever feels comfortable for you. There's no denying you have a meaningful relationship with this person. There's nothing wrong with needing some additional support even if it's not an ongoing thing and just occasionally.

Thanks, NP. It's true it's been a very meaningful, important relationship for me. I hadn't even thought about something like twice a year check-ins. Even I couldn't feel too awfully guilty about that!

So much wisdom here on the couch. Y'all are seriously the best.

atisketatasket · Jul 14, 2023, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

ATAT - racy (I hope exhankster isn't overly excited by naked ears)

She’s a Freudian. As far as I know they don’t sexualize ears.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 14, 2023, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

What if you don't think of it as ending it with her forever, but maybe as periodic check-ins, like every 6 months or whatever feels comfortable for you. There's no denying you have a meaningful relationship with this person. There's nothing wrong with needing some additional support even if it's not an ongoing thing and just occasionally.

I agree with this. And it might be easier to think of it as "stopping for now." You can figure out later whether it's permanent.

I do understand how it can help to think, "OK, I'm closing this chapter of my life." So that you can move forward. But maybe try to look at it as, "I'm ending this segment (or phase or whatever) of therapy with L."

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 14, 2023, 09:16 AM

Whelp, so much for going to bed early to get more sleep. I only slept for 6 hrs. Noy enough sleep to keep me going through today. Might take a nap at my mom's.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 14, 2023, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I agree with this. And it might be easier to think of it as "stopping for now." You can figure out later whether it's permanent.

I do understand how it can help to think, "OK, I'm closing this chapter of my life." So that you can move forward. But maybe try to look at it as, "I'm ending this segment (or phase or whatever) of therapy with L."

Thanks LT that's a good idea too, and as I sit here trying it on, it feels good. It gives me the sense of completion that I apparently need to move forward without feeling like the relationship is an anchor holding me back. Instead it lets me see the relationship more as a "candle burning in the window" so I can find my way back if but more likely when I need to begin a new phase. Or something like that.

bottom line I suppose is that I am probably too darn stubborn for my own good.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 14, 2023, 09:20 AM

We're up early considering how extremely comfortable this bed is here, to go hiking before it gets too hot. Pics to come later!

LonesomeTonight · Jul 14, 2023, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Whelp, so much for going to bed early to get more sleep. I only slept for 6 hrs. Noy enough sleep to keep me going through today. Might take a nap at my mom's.

Hugs, Scarlet. I hope the session is helpful today. It sounds like you have a good plan for it, including afterward. Maybe a nap at your mom's would be good

unaluna · Jul 14, 2023, 10:09 AM

So just read the hospital life flight (pretty much just outside my window) now has a lear jet in addition to their helicopters. For like organ transplants. We've come a long way from The Rifleman's buckboard transportation to doc's.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 14, 2023, 02:13 PM

here's some pics from hiking this morning. I thought it was cute how the lizard stopped under that little stick as he was meandering around. I zoomed in a lot I wasn't all that close to him

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 14, 2023, 07:20 PM

I had the best tomato basil soup I've ever tasted for lunch today. I now must find a fabulous recipe for said soup...

ScarletPimpernel · Jul 14, 2023, 07:57 PM

I just got the free style libre 3 to monitor my glucose. This thing is so cool! It reads it every minute. I can see exactly what is affecting my glucose throughout the day. For some reason, it's seems like crying lowers the glucose? Maybe because it takes a lot of energy? Or it's just a coincidence? Anyway, it's nice to be able to monitor it myself and not have to prick my finger!

stopdog · Jul 14, 2023, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

She’s a Freudian. As far as I know they don’t sexualize ears.

I don't know her exact relationship to ears -but the word naked overly excites her such that I doubt it would matter which actual body part is in question

atisketatasket · Jul 14, 2023, 11:54 PM

Ex-hankster, which of these terms gets you most excited?

A) naked ears
B) naked spleen
C) naked cuticles
D) naked humerus

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