Couch 244: Great Expectations

my mom came home last evening and is resting this morning, not feeling too badly considering.

my son made it safely back home last night, only to find out his car got stolen from the aiport lot!! if it's not one thing, it's another. he said in one of his texts last night that they got a lyft back home and had already made a police report and insurance claim. i was asleep last night when he texted all of this so i didn't know til this morning; i'm going to wait to call him i'm sure he's gonna want to sleep in today.

Artie: Thar must have been so scary! I am glad your mom is doing ok, though.

This past week has been rough. Medicaid is so confusing. Me and my mom were on the phone for 45 minutes trying to figure it out. It was nice when I had a job and didn’t need to know the ins and outs of insurance.

I still haven’t received unemployment benefits. I filed on April 28. Me and Nancy are bff’s bc we’ve spent so much time trying to get me the benefits.

I go inpatient tomorrow. This is the one that I’ve been to multiple times. Well, I found out during the admission process that it went down from a 2 week program to a 7 days (max) program. After I hung up the phone with the director, I had a panic attack (those are new. so fun) Then someone else told me that the individual therapy we get every day is different as well. It’s more “solution-focused.” To me it feels like “Let’s get you out of the crisis and move on! Goodbye”

I’m not sure if that makes sense. I’m not sure I entirely get it myself-the extreme anxiety over it. Both of my therapy sessions on Friday didn’t feel good to me. Unless I get a job w health insurance (that my therapist takes), we are going to have to stop treatment as they don’t take medicaid. I am consumed by grief over this, because yet ANOTHER thing has been “ripped away” from me in the past few months. All because of this mystery feet problem.

I got a more detailed letter about this nerve study test. I won’t go in details, but it involves needles. Which I hate.

How do you completely start over? I still may have to move to NY (I live in VA). this is going to be a month to month issue. If I focus on it too much, I panic. I am doing my job requirements to get the unemployment benefits, but I am just applying to jobs I know I won’t get, and/or I have no interest in.

I don’t know how to change a career. I’ve worked in child care my entire adult life. I loved it. Now what?

Whew. Sorry for the novel. I do not have many people to talk about this with. It’s been so so hard to keep going. I’ve called our crisis line so many times this week. I did not sleep at all Friday night, and called at 10:00pm, and then at 3am. The 3am phone call was very rushed bc it was a busy time. I thought that was interesting.

I am so scared to go in tomorrow, for so many reasons. I also am scared to leave. Yes. I am already stressed about that. Oh, how wonderful anxiety is.

Thanks, Lemon! Feeling better today than I was yesterday.

Glad your mom is recovering OK. Sounds like it was really scary!

And that's awful about your son's car! You'd think they'd have more security at airport lots, as people leave their cars for extended periods of time.

thanks y'all, my mom's resting today, she said her head doesn't feel too bad but her body is sore all over. I assume it will be for a bit, she's 83 (I think?) so I'm sure that a fall like that was a big jar to her whole body. It's amazing she didn't break any bones when she fell. After checking her out, the paramedics helped her up and she walked (with support) to the ambulance.

My son's dealing with the car situation pretty well. His work is closer to his apartment than I remembered, only like a mile, so he's already decided he'll probably just buy a bike and ride to/from work for the time being and not rush into buying another car on the off chance the police find his. They told him though it was likely already 2 states away and repainted by the time he found out it had been stolen.

Okay, i just measured it, i use to walk .8 mile to ninth grade. He can walk it, and hes so tall, he would cover it in half my steps! Does his gf have her own car? Like for grocery shopping? They could save a ton of money. The only reason you need a car (or clothes) is for work anyway.

that's a good point. yeah, she has a car and could probably at least take him to work in the morning on her way to work, and then he could walk home. especially with the price of gas rn, they really could save a lot of money if they had only one car.

Hugs, Velcro. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. I hope the inpatient stay is helpful, even if it's short.

For the nerve test, I wonder if they could give you some sort of sedative, like a valium, to help you relax during it?

I hope you won't have to move. In terms of career change, is that something that the state (or local) unemployment office could possibly help with? Or another social services department? And I don't know what age you worked with (maybe you mentioned?), but I know there are things like Outschool (looks like that goes as young as age 3) and other online classes/homeschool programs. So I wonder if it's possible to work with something like that?

Hugs all around those that want it. It sounds like a lot of us are struggling right now.

LT - I avoided COVID until February. Somehow my H avoided getting it by me isolating in my room for 10 days (it took forever for me to test negative). It's not your fault you got it.

Velcro - I'm so sorry about your troubles with your feet, job, insurance, etc. I hope that inpatient helps.

I haven't been on here because Social Security informed me two months ago that they were cutting me and my son off of disability and billing me to repay them back for the past 4 years of benefits!!! They said in 2019 I made $81 too much one month (I didn't). I have payslips and tax records to prove it. No one can seem to explain why my son (who is an adult and was approved on his own for several disorders including autism and mental retardation) is tied into my disability and why he was kicked off. Also, I had not one, but two, continuing disability reviews since 2019 - so why are they just now saying this.

I have a finance media guru, a famous economist and my state senator's office all looking into this and trying to get some answers.

Meanwhile, without my SSDI I have had to work as many hours as I could get to keep us from homelessness/put food on the table, etc. Since I'm now working a lot of hours I am no longer qualified to be on SSDI. That's ok- I think I was ready to transition off - but the key word is transition - not suddenly be cut off. H is taking my son to the SSA office this week to reapply.

It's all just a big mess but we'll get through it.My credit is shot and I'm paying the bare minimum (rent, car, car insurance, phone and food). I'm working on letters to my other creditors.

I hope I don't sound like I'm whining. We are going to be fine. It's just annoying battling a huge Government agency - and no one can give me answers.

Hugs, Polibeth. Thanks for the nice words and for giving me hope that it's possible D and H won't get Covid. (I think it partly comes down to when I started being contagious vs. when I tested and started taking precautions.)

I'm so sorry you're dealing with the Social Security issues. That's crazy that they were asking you to pay it all back. I'm glad you have proof and good advocates in your corner. Hope it gets resolved quickly for both you and your son. And you're not whining--it's something very stressful that's not your fault.

Hugs polibeth. I hope it works out. Could your moving have something to do with it? Like they lost track or calculated differently?

Pollibeth: I just researched a lot into SSDI: Wow, it is strict with what qualifies as a disability. And the fact they can review you is absurd. I’m sorry you are going through all of this.

hugs polibeth. i'm sorry you're dealing with that and hope it gets resolved soon and in your favor. it is ridiculous that they can review you like that and just kick you off unexpectedly.

CoDA meeting was good tonight. I actually shared a little, I surprised myself; but then again I'm here with family rn so... I had material... ha. It's been helpful already and it was only my 2nd meeting. I like Zoom meetings; I don't have to have my camera on. Maybe in the future... anyway I told my sister I'd started going to meetings again and talked about it some with her earlier today.

Are you speaking your nekkid truth again?

...and when you work at home like I do, you don't need either


(somebody was gonna say it, so might as well be me)

no pants is the best way. and no bra. i hate them.

i’m off in a few minutes. if i can’t write on here while i am there, i will catch up in a week.

also, i’m worried about Kit 😪

I don't know what's on the agenda today. I have today and tomorrow left here; I fly back home tomorrow evening. I took Wed and Thurs off as well, so I don't go back to work until Sunday yay.

all the best to you velcro i hope it is helpful for you.

i've been thinking about Kit too.

well my visit back 'home' is complete; I'm at the airport waiting at my gate for the first plane. my mom's feeling better again today but is still sore and probably will be for a bit but thankfully she's up and around. it was a pretty successful trip with the exception of my mom's accident. but i'm ready to be back home. i didn't get a lot of sleep there so I'm glad I took off work tomorrow & thursday, plenty of time to rest up before Sunday! 2 hours til my flight. i like being early. people watching is fun. also, i did not a speck of writing while I was at my sister's - i have time to start getting caught up!

Hugs and head nods all around as appropriate/needed/wanted.

Hope you have a safe flight home, Artie! I'm glad you had a good visit, aside from your mom's fall, though I understand the feeling of being ready to be back home.

At the moment though, I'm quite sick of my home! Been isolating here since Friday after the positive test. And I also didn't go anywhere Thursday (guess I technically arrived home from the second concert at like 12:30 a.m., but not counting that). Tomorrow is Day 5, so I can technically go someplace masked, according to the guidelines. Going to see if I test negative first.

Dr. T said yesterday that he thought it would be fine if I went for a walk around my neighborhood (even yesterday), "as long as you don't kiss anyone." He's so weird. (I replied, "I only do that on Thursdays.")

So I may try a short (kiss-free!) walk tomorrow, depending on how I'm feeling. Figure I'll either wear a mask or else have one with me to put on if I get anywhere near someone. I have spent a little time sitting on our back deck, but that's it (and it's ground-level--it's our equivalent of a backyard--totally surrounded by solid white fence, so only view is of some treetops and other townhouses).

For various reasons grief for my mother decided to bite hard this month. There was the first anniversary, and then Mother’s Day, but it didn’t abate after that. I currently have no work to distract me, or not much. Just trying to relax, for the first time in over a year.

It’s not advisable, as I may have said before, to have an identity crisis around disability and then having a parent die in the middle of it, especially the parent you got the disability from. The identity crisis isn’t over, who knows when it will be over, I don’t know if I like what I’m becoming, though my friends seem to. Et cetera.

I took my laptop into session and showed L a 3d walk through of the house I designed for her. We had so much fun. She's only the second person who I've done a walk through with (first being my dad). It's nice to have someone to share my version of art with. H, my mom, and my sister aren't interested in it.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. Hugs, if wanted. I hope you're able to relax some, at least find a bit of peace.