Couch 244: Great Expectations

Hi everyone! I am still alive. I have just been going through a deep dark depression. Thought I would pop my head in today and say hello and that I have missed you all. New T is good but she is a stickler about the 45 minute thing. She finally put me on a regular schedule though which is good because I got really hurt when she gave the session time away that I had had for several weeks. Making headway I guess. Dr put me on Auvelity. It is a medicine for depression so now I am on three antidepressants. I told T yesterday I was sad. I didn't elaborate. Auvelity is super expensive (over $200 for a month's worth with my insurance) but I found a manufacturer's saving coupon online so it is only costing me $10 a month. Much better. Lots going on. Lots going on in my head. I will try to pop in again soon. Hugs to anyone who wants one. Kit

Hugs, Kit, I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope the new medication is helpful. And I'm glad you have a regular time with your T now.

Hugs, Kit.

H just lost his job.

I'm so sorry, Scarlet.... Hugs.

Hi Kit!!! It’s so nice to hear from you. I was worried. The 45 minute thing-i don’t know if I can do that. I get a full hour and most times that isn’t enough. It takes me awhile to warm up .

LT: I am allowed to email her. She generally does not have open slots available, so I just have to deal.

Scarlet-that sucks. i feel like he goes through jobs quickly, if I recall correctly.

Oh no, I'm so sorry Scarlet. Hugs.

Yes, he does. This time we don't know why. They haven't officially fired him, but last night they locked him out of all the websites he was working on.

Hugs Scarlet, so sorry.

HUGS Velcro003, I missed you and everyone here.

That's really weird. I wonder if it could have been some sort of mistake? Has he heard anything official from them?

He got a call this morning saying they had no more work and his contract is over. Only good news is in the contract it states that they have to give ywo weeks notice, so we'll get one nore check. H has two interviews Monday, and as L says, H is very marketable. He just can't seem to hold onto a job.

Ugh, I'm sorry. I hope one of the interviews works out for him!

Just curious - has anybody mentioned to their t that a particular session left them with a therapy hangover? If so what was their reaction, if you want to share? I told L today that last week's session was hard, and just kinda off-handedly mentioned I'd had a therapy hangover from it. She repeated the phrase and kinda chuckled over it, and we talked about it a little. Her reaction didn't bother me, because it felt to me more like a recognition that she knew first-hand what I was talking about. Anyway.

Also I'd had a headache all day since I woke up, that a hot shower, breakfast, and tylenol didn't touch, and still had it when we first started talking. I'm not sure when it went away, but I realized on the way home that it was completely gone. Today's was a really good session and there's no hangover in sight.

I'm glad that at least he'll get one more check. I hope he finds something new soon and that it's something he can hold onto.

Contract work is stressful - when we still lived in CA, my last job there was a contract position and there were several times they announced that it might not be renewed, and I'd be all stressed out for a few days, until they told me I could relax again. I hated that. I was happy to quit that company when we decided to move to Arizona.

Oh yes. She had never heard of it before so I explained it and how they felt to me. She was very curious about it…asked a lot of questions and asked what she could do to lessen my pain so I didn’t get them as often. (Unfortunately, I don’t think there is anything she can do…trauma work is just really hard and we have to do the work!)

Thanks DigitalD. I'm glad your t was curious about your experience and wanting to help. It sounds like you have a good t.

Tonight's CoDA meeting was quite a good one. I'm really getting a lot out of the meetings/program this time around; I'm so glad I started going again! As I told L on Friday that I would do, I wrote my share before the meeting so I wouldn't forget it and that helped a lot.

I just learned Joni Mitchell is still alive. And not as old as I thought. And touring.

This got me right in the feels.

Feeling sad and anxious today. P surprise called me yesterday to test out his phone so we talked for about 3 minutes. It was nice to hear his voice. We might be having a video session today but I'm not sure. It's so weird because he's in a completely different part of his day than I am. I just ate breakfast and he's probably having dinner right now. It's a 9 hour difference.

Pdoc put me on this new antidepressant Auvelity at my last appointment (about 2 months ago). It has been about 6 weeks since I have been on the medicine. I know it can take six to eight weeks to get the full effect but I don't feel like I am getting any effect at all. I messaged Pdoc through the portal today and asked him if we should wait it out or try something new, even if it is an older medicine (which he wasn't keen on in his response). I'm just so sick and tired of being so depressed and not being able to pull myself out of it. I am barely functioning. I make it to work. Usually. But I am certainly not living. I sleep all weekend. I sleep after work and before dinner and then go to bed after dinner. I just want to sleep all the time. Just so I don't have to be awake and in this pain.

I hope it works out for you, NP.

Hugs, NP. I hope you get to have a video session today, or at least sometime soon.

Hugs, Kit. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. It seems like if you aren't having any effect at all, it makes sense to try something else. Was there something that helped you before?