Couch 244: Great Expectations

Thanks una.

Update: I did get good news from the Dr this morning. my mental state is much better today. I'm still gonna ask L for a phone session though.

Sending you love Artie bean. I hope L is able to provide you with some comfort during this time.

Sending you love Artie bean. I hope L is able to provide you with some comfort during this time.



Can you ask H to bring you some books/ magazines which might help to distract you?

Hugs, Artie. Glad you're doing better. I hope the phone session helps!

Just catching up with couch news. Sorry to hear all you've going through @ArtieTheSequal. I hope you'll feel better and able to go home soon.

In the meantime maybe you could do a video call with L on your phone, perhaps not a full session but just a check in. There's no harm in asking. Having that contact paticularly if you can see each other, might help.

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Ooh yeah they gave me what michael jackson used for sleep for my eye operation. Talk about Neverland.

I felt all warm and floaty!

And, damn this Lovonox burns for a minute or two after the shot. The nurse was still here checking stuff when it hit a few mins ago so I was all "aaaaand here comes the party" haha

I am t last getting back to my usual delightful self.

Hope you're doing better today, Artie!

Thanks LT! I am - SO much.

Just saw the Dr, he's changing me to full liquids (pudding, cream of wheat kind of stuff) for the next 24 hours, then tomorrow lunch will be the real test - regular diet and if I tolerate that, then at that point they'll take the PICC out and I could go home Saturday!! I'm so hopeful.

This has truly been a life-altering experience to say the least. With my sister here, I didn't end up asking L for a phone session. I updated her via text today.

I'm feeling very positive, upbeat, and hopeful today.

L says I have caregivers burnout. I agree. I'm so tired of taking care of H and dad everyday.

H acts more disabled than he is. Here's what I have to do just so he can take a shower: clean dog pee pads, mop the floor, lay down mats, put towel on tub edge so he can sit to get in, scrub the tub so he doesn't slip, help him out of shower, pick up mats, put clean pee pads down. And that's just one thing I do for him. I do chores, take care of dogs, fill out paperwork, make phone calls, shave his beard, cook, etc.

And dad: I have to help him clean his room, take out his trash, try to spend time with him everyday, go shopping for him, and get mail packages for him, clean his bathroom, and do his laundry and dishes. I wish he didn't live with us so that I don't have to take care of him and so we could visit maybe once a week, not everyday. Plus, H and I pay for a lot for him.

I also really wish that either or both of them would say I am a caregiver so I could be compensated for everything I do.

Sorry for venting. I seriously am burnt out.

L and I came up with a plan to get me out of the house. I'll have a mother daughter day. We could go to the pool, do errands, anything. I just don't want to be responsible for anything for a day. It was supposed to be this Saturday, but my mom is going to see my aunt. I'm going with, but I don't consider it a free day per se because I'll have to be with my stepdad and aunt.

*sigh*

I'm glad you're feeling better Artie!

Hugs, Scarlet I hope you are able to find some relief and rest.

Thank you!

I just ate some tomato soup and vanilla pudding... verrrrry slowly. So far, so good.

Glad you're feeling better! Hope you'll be able to get the PICC line out soon and go home.

Hugs, Scarlet, that really is a lot that you have to do. I understand your feeling burned out for sure. Is there any way that they can do some of it? Could your H do things like paperwork or making phone calls, for example? Could you order some of the things your dad needs online or at least do curbside pickup so shopping takes less time?

For the caregiver thing, could you insist on it? I mean, it sounds like a full-time job, so if you could get compensation, that would be good. Maybe if you told them you'd have more money if they said you were a caregiver? Is it that they don't want to admit they're dependent on you?

I'm back from the beach. Mostly had a good, relaxing time (despite miserable weather yesterday), aside from a difficult session with Dr. T that led to an email, then his response upset me (he apparently misunderstood something I said), and then we ended up having a 30-minute virtual session today when I got home (he's off tomorrow). That session helped some, and I may write it up later.

But it led to a question that I struggled to answer. So I'm wondering if I could get some Couch input, even though I know people will define it differently.

How do you define "love"? Like, what makes you love someone, whether a partner, family member, friend, therapist? (I know it could be different for each of them, or even different for each family member, for example). What are the other feelings behind it? Or how would you otherwise describe it?

What is your husband’s disability? Doesn’t he generally work full time? (I probably missed something). My husband was seriously disabled but would not have expected that from me. The only times caregiving was that intensive was following surgeries, but as soon as he could do more, he did. Perhaps your husband needs occupational therapy to figure out how to do more for himself? And is your dad unable to do his own laundry? Seems like they could do some of this. I mean, even with a walker, my husband figured out how to do laundry, do grocery shopping, mop the floors (yeah, my problem was getting him to do less which is why I wonder if you are being taken advantage of).

It’s just that respect and affection I have for different people, and it’s very different for each person. I honestly don’t think that much about the love I have for others. It’s just an innate place of comfortable relationship that I know.

Thanks for sharing! Dr. T wants me to explain it more, but it's just sort of this feeling I have. "Respect" and "affection" are helpful.

I used "appreciation" today, and he seemed good with that term. Like, I said I wished I could go back and time and just have said "I appreciate you." His response today was, "I appreciate you, too! See, there we go." But he's still uncomfortable with the fact that I used the word "love" to describe my feelings toward him. He said he'd likely never be fully comfortable with it or fully accepting of it. He did say it might help if I explained exactly what the feeling was.

You don't have to do any of that stuff. I am not making any judgement about the fact that you do, but you can say no. They are functional adults (albeit men behaving like babies) who can sort out their own arrangements for care should they need it.

Helpful for whom? Him or you?

God love you for persevering with him, LT.

Ha, thanks! And I'm guessing helpful for him in understanding me more.

It's also difficult for me because he did say in a previous discussion that he accepted it. Yesterday, he said, "I accepted that you said it." How is that different exactly?

Hi LT,

I have been thinking about how I define love.

It's a deep feeling of care towards another being...which may or may not be reciprocated.


The therapy room is a place where you are able to say what you will within reason.


You can say that you feel love for him, and he can accept that.

He seems to feel uncomfortable at the mention of love within the therapy relationship.

The best stuff comes about when you are brave enough to say the unreasonable things and the things outside reason. Seems to me that is what LT is trying to do and he is wanting to keep it all very reasonable and rational and definable. I mean ok, if that's all he is trained in then he is working within his limits. Reasonable and rational and definable only takes us so far though.