FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#61
Something very strange is happening today and I'm not sure what to make of it. Earlier when we were on our family zoom call (myself, mom & brother) my mom mentioned that (trigger for weight talk)
Possible trigger:
Gee, does anyone ever get healed enough to where this **** stops happening? I wonder. Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Jul 30, 2023 at 04:49 PM.. |
Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
|
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,748
(SuperPoster!)
13 68.3k hugs
given |
#62
Artie - yeah what IS that about?! I think with my mom, it was her way of not letting me rest. Of letting me know love was conditional and i was no where close to meeting those conditions. That she made this decision before i was born and was never going to change her mind. So.
So its not just a matter of, gee im going over my calorie alloc for the day. Its - this feels like a survival issue. And if i eat, then i will survive. I have been having such a sense of peace this weekend, of nobody rushing me, of nobody criticizing me. Of peacefully enjoying fruit and coffee in the morning, and then thats enough. |
ArtieTheSequal, atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,662
(SuperPoster!)
10 7,087 hugs
given |
#63
Thank you! I feel really good about it especially now that I got through it. A little part of me is hoping there's a "next time". And maybe something I'd feel comfortable participating in besides a meal. They were at a Casino so we didn't feel comfortable swimming with them or gambling with them.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
|
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#64
Speaking of casinos, h just left for a delivery to a hospital in Vegas, so he's going to spend tonight and tomorrow night in Laughlin which is about 90 minutes south of Vegas, at his favorite casino there. They sent him a flier with 2 free nights in July, so he's using them on the last 2 nights of the month haha. So, that means I have the house to myself (well, me and the cats) til he gets home Tuesday afternoon! woohoo!
Okay now it's time for me to go write and figure out why I want to eat everything rn. That self-awareness is good though, the recognizing that it's in my head and not actual hunger... |
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
|
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#65
Quote:
What I bolded - I've already started figuring it out. Of course, it has something to do with my codependency thing, it almost has to, right? And omg this is convoluted but here goes: It’s about her seeing me. I don’t want her to look at me. I’ve almost never been enough for her in the past, so it's gotta be fake when she acts like I am. It's about me thinking something along the lines of "just go back to the expected acting like I’m not good enough which will happen soon enough again anyway and look at C (my brother) again. Let him dominate this call like he usually does and everybody stop looking at me." Maybe I am still broken . SO glad I have my CoDA meeting in about an hour, I may have to talk about this a little when it's time to share. Eh, I'm going for a walk til meeting time. |
|
Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
|
unaluna
|
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,748
(SuperPoster!)
13 68.3k hugs
given |
#66
Artie - just to ascertain. What you originally wrote got me asking MYSELF yeah wth was that. It just really resonated with me. I wasnt asking YOU. More like i was sharing the question with you?
Ya know, i only took the ozempic for 2 weeks, but it was like opening the door to shangri-la - i had never before known a world where i was. Not. Hungry. There was a different state of being available to me. I want to go back to that world. But without all the weird stomach beeps and boops. Geez it took me 6 months to get my pooping back to normal. |
ArtieTheSequal, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
|
ArtieTheSequal
|
Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,285
(SuperPoster!)
9 12.4k hugs
given |
#67
|
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, stopdog, unaluna
|
Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,922
(SuperPoster!)
7 10.4k hugs
given |
#68
Quote:
Hope you can write things out, but I agree with @@, you learn to cope better. __________________ |
|
ArtieTheSequal, unaluna
|
Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,922
(SuperPoster!)
7 10.4k hugs
given |
#69
Quote:
__________________ |
|
unaluna
|
Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,809
5 |
#70
I am really struggling with my work around childhood sexual abuse. It is painful working with the brutality of what my life was like back then (even without digging into the specifics during sessions) but then the additional layer of the relational stuff between me and her feels dreadful. It's humiliating to want to matter to her, to want to ask her if I matter. On one level, I recognise it as a natural human need (and thank god that hasn't been totally knocked out of me), but I also feel degraded. I am already splayed open and then needing to ask if she cares about what she sees is nauseating. Maybe I will start a separate thread about this.
|
ArtieTheSequal, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty, unaluna
|
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#71
it's all good, i got that, but responding here seems to really get my thinking going so i did
|
unaluna
|
unaluna
|
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#72
that's a good point, thanks. another thing to add to my list of 'things artie just needs to accept'. I am getting a little better at managing my reactions anyway, at least as far as this time, I noticed it was happening and didn't go into the mindless eating like i would have in the past. I noticed and did what L would have suggested - wrote, went for a walk, & shared about it in my coda meeting last night. I made it through the day/night without lapsing into the old behavior.
Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Jul 31, 2023 at 11:42 AM.. |
LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, SlumberKitty, unaluna
|
underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,034
(SuperPoster!)
13 1 hugs
given |
#73
RIP Peewee Herman and Sinead O'Connor
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
|
Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,544
(SuperPoster!)
9 76k hugs
given |
#74
|
Elder
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
11 2,136 hugs
given |
#75
Had my first appointment with my new PCP today who is female, first time I have ever had a female PCP. For most of my life I have had a male PCP and a female Therapist now it is opposite, female PCP and male Therapist.
__________________ COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022 |
Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
|
LonesomeTonight
|
Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,922
(SuperPoster!)
7 10.4k hugs
given |
#76
Quote:
Maybe it would best to stop for now or go much slower with this topic. Feeling degraded and humiliated are painful places to be. Some might say it gets worse before it gets better, but there are other alternatives to therapy and healing. Therapy is simply not for everyone. You don't have to white knuckle through it. Listen to your gut feeling and let your intuition guide you. __________________ |
|
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
|
Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,341
13 3,469 hugs
given |
#77
I am so tired of waking up early for no reason.
Can being under stress cause that kind of thing? __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, SlumberKitty
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
6 117.7k hugs
given |
#78
Hi everyone. Hopefully I am back now for at least a while. My mental health seems a bit better. Even though it took an extra anti-depressant to get here. But of course, you get one plate spinning in the air and anothre one comes crashing down. Now my neck/shoulder/back that has been bothering me for years and which I started doing something about like last year this time is getting worse. Spent the night at the ER last night for several hours. They did another x-ray but I really think I need an MRI and a referral from my GP to a specialist. But I called my GP today and she is out of the country for a few weeks so I can't get in to see her for a few weeks. I think she is in Romania. Although she didn't mention her vacation at our last appointment. oh well. She probably didn't think I would be calling for an appointment in a month. Oh well. I will run out of the medicine from the ER by then but maybe it will be enough just to get me through. It's not a pain medicine, it's an anti-imflammatory of some kind but I guess pain relief might come if things aren't imflamed in my neck. Ah well.
planning on going back to school next month. Getting everything in place. Gonna get some more skills so I am able to be better at my job or I will be in a better position for another job if this workplace doesn't get a bit more profitable. Trying to think ahead. I got a lot of units transferred so that's good. Basically just need about a year and a half or so to complete. That's not bad. Plus I know someone who works there and may be able to give me perspective about things. And I got a lot of ADA stuff going on for the school so that way like the Schizoaffective stuff and the ADHD stuff doesn't become a downfall. Things are good with my T. I see her tomorrow virtually. I am looking forward to that. Just got back from my sister's wedding over the weekend so probably need to process all of that. hey, first ever manicure happened this last weekend. That's a big step! I hope to be around more frequently, and hopefully most days in a week, going forward as long as I can stay stable on these medications. HUGS to anyone who wants. Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, NP_Complete, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
|
ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
6 117.7k hugs
given |
#79
Me and Dad have Rams training camp tickets for Saturday. Yay for football! Very excited. And I can wear my new jersey.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
|
LonesomeTonight
|
Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,548
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,966 hugs
given |
#80
Hi Kit! Good to see you here. Sounds like you have a lot going on! I hope your neck/shoulder/back feel better soon. School sounds exciting. I've been considering taking another class or two, not sure what yet.
Have fun at the Rams training camp thing on Saturday! |
SlumberKitty
|
SlumberKitty
|
Closed Thread |
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Forum | |||
The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch. | Psychotherapy | |||
my granddaughter Stella was bitten by family dog | Other Mental Health Discussion |