Couch 245: STELLA!

I have my fertility consult on November 6th. I've been having a lot of concerns if this is something I should continue to pursue. L reminded me that even my ex-pdoc thought I was ready and she's a boss-woman who doesn't play around. L keeps encouraging me. Surprisingly, even H doesn't want me to give up yet.

I need to start scheduling my appointments with G, but I don't want to. I don't want him or any therapist for that matter. I also don't want to because it just brings me closer to all the grief I'm feeling about L's leave.

Hugs, Scarlet. I think it makes sense to at least have the fertility consult, see what they say.


I do think it would be good to get appointments scheduled with G, though I understand it being difficult. Have you found out yet whether your insurance will allow him? I think you had to do an appeal or something like that, right?

Thanks, Scarlet. I appreciate your understanding, though of course I'm sorry you deal with this, too. I am sort of conflicted on whether I want H knowing too much about my therapy. I guess I just want him to be open if I want to talk about something from it, but also not push me if I don't want to discuss it. Maybe that's wanting too much? I don't know.

It definitely feels more like roommates at times, even with D here. (Though I've also had some bad roommate experiences, so...) I suppose I'll try talking to him about it. But I feel that anything we talk about, even if we both agree on something (where we both need to be making changes, for example), it gets better for a little bit, then reverts back to how it was. I know that's partly on me, too. Is this just how it gets after being together a certain amount of time? Married 15 years here, together 17-ish. (My longest relationship before him was a year and a half, so no real comparison.)

Still in appeal process. But the insurance got my letter and is now finally engaging with G. They want him to send in his own letter and documents supporting what I said. So that's good news! H and I decided on G no matter what. Because our fear is that if I go to someone in-network, when my 3 months is up, insurance can say that I already established care with the new provider and don't need L. So if we have to pay out-of-pocket for awhile, we're hoping G will compromise on his sliding scale.

Maybe? I've been married 6 years, but 18 years together. Maybe we all just get used to our rituals and routines. Developing new habits is hard no matter what the habit is. And for 2 people to try at the same time... I imagine it's always messy.

Couch poll time! Let’s say you’re losing your hearing (which you have been all your life, it’s just suddenly accelerating). Ears can’t hear any sound below 86-88 decibels, word comprehension is 20%. Course of oral steroids did not improve things.

Doctor suggests injecting liquid steroids through the eardrum to get at any inflammation in the inner ears the oral steroids missed. This requires five visits over the course of 2-3 weeks, discomfort during the procedure, and possible temporary hearing loss.

Would you do it? I’m leaning no.

Out of curiosity, did the doctor say whether they knew of this helping anyone else before? Whether in their own experience or from what they heard? Or is it more of a last-ditch, throw-everything-at-it effort? If it's worked in the past for other patients (when oral steroids didn't), I'd say it's worth trying. And would do so myself. If not, then I'm less sure whether I would.

Why are you leaning no? I like LT's reasoning. For discomfort, you take drugs. Tell them you want michael jackson drugs, thats what they gave me for my eye surgery, it was great. Can you take an uber to and from the procedure, or get some other type of medical transportation, or i guess a friend - something that would make you feel pampered and not stressed.

Doctor doesn’t know if it will work. It’s last-ditch.

And if it does work, the benefit will be short-term, because you can’t do anything about a progressive genetic hearing loss. The assumption is that the accelerated loss has caused inflammation of the cochlear nerve.

I would not put myself through the shots for only a possible short term not super result

If it would only work temporarily, IF it works, then I would sway no. Do you have an idea how bad the discomfort would be? I'm with unaluna that if you do go through with it, demand good meds.

Tonight was a good session about feeling alone and like no one cares, like no one hears my cries of pain. We talked a lot about H and his past amd current abusiveness. I think it was the first time I've been able to actually process when and how no one helped me.

I'm sad, too, because tonight was supposed to be a game night and she forgot. I didn't remind her either, though.

Weird, my apartment office wrote me an email saying to pay my rent. I didnt even notice it waz for the wrong amt. And i was even early this month! They just called back and said they firgured it out. Always blame the fat girl! Or the hoarder!

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm sorry she forgot about the game night. But it sounds as though you had an important discussion. I hope you're doing OK now.

I have been observing myself today in several interactions with h. The first one was over a stupid banana earlier today. Just now, I realized something else about myself. That while I constantly undervalue myself, I also (silently and unfairly) judge other people as overvaluing themselves (when really they are being assertive) like with him just now. Work called him with a job and he thought the pay was too low because of how far the drive is, so he asked them to bump the pay a little and they did. I said nothing, like normal, but in my head, I was thinking he should just be happy with the job because Thursday is usually a very slow day where he usually doesn't get any work.

I'm not a very nice person, am I. Ugh.

I do like this class I'm taking on assertiveness already. What's in the first lesson let me see the above. And the instructor is already responding to everyone's posts, so far it's not a very big group there's only 8 people who have posted in the first discussion as of now. I kinda hope it stays small so she can continue responding to everyone and answering questions.

Artie, that doesn't make you a not-nice person. You were just thinking you'd have handled it differently in his position. Hugs...

thanks LT. but well... it was the judge-iness in my thoughts that he was being greedy and stuff that makes me feel like I'm not a nice person.

Yes- If I thought I could not live with the possible regret of not giving it a go and it played on my mind. So that I could have said that everything was tried.

No- if the possible benefits don’t outweigh the discomfort and other disadvantages.

I hope you make the right choice for you @@.

You’re always too harsh on yourself.

Everyone judges and would be lying if they told you otherwise.

You’re allowed to have those kind of thoughts and opinions, but there’s a difference if you actually act on them and react in unkind ways. None of which you’re doing.

Yes- If you don’t value yourself, you will accept the bare minimum. It’s okay to ask for more of what you need.

Perhaps you’ve just constantly been taught to put the needs of others before yours?

@@- what Lemon said.

I'm a "lean toward yes" person...also a f*** around and find out...in general, so that bias probably sways my thinking.

Good morning Couch!

This morning was a very NOPE morning. I hit the snooze twice without waking up.


Tried to think of ways to make it a yes day, so I ate a cookie for breakfast and I'm wearing leggings to work. Off I go.

Wishing you all yes days, or at least I guess it's all right. Heh.

Also plz to wish me good vibes or whatever- I'm putting in an offer on another house today. (Part of the nope was two hours of looking at houses last night. So. Tired.)

Sending good vibes to you!

What a great idea, ways to make it a yes day.

Or as "we" say in skydiving, get around your parachute (after you land) - dont let it fill up with air and drag you away.

Very disappointed that cthulhu was not a recognized word in today's Spelling Bee.