Couch 245: STELLA!

Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.

Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely.

This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means.

It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends.

We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience.

Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread.

Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy.

245 is some weird math number about stars.

You know the Latin for star!

Ugh, that's a lot of MRIs! I hope it turns out there's nothing serious wrong.


Also that your work presentation goes OK.

Hugs, if wanted.

Yeah i was thinking more Stanley Kowalski but okay. Also Italian.

I got my sister's afghan mailed off to her this afternoon, she should get it by Saturday! When I got back home, I saw that I had forgotten to put the card in the package. Oh well, now she'll get two things from me.

Hope you have no issues NP and that it goes smoothly.

morning couch. break time, yeah! so apparently H still does have an issue with me seeing L even though he has acted like he didn't anymore for awhile now. Yesterday I told him I'm getting my hair cut again then said that I managed to snag an appointment with S on thursday afternoon. It's obvious he did not really listen to the first part about getting my hair cut because after a minute he goes wait what? and I said yeah remember I told you before S is hard to get an appt with, she must have had a cancellation, I've only been able to have her cut my hair once before. He said whew, I was about to say 'what the hell?' because i thought you were talking about your head doctor (that's what he calls L). i said no that is L, and as far as I know, she does not cut hair. he goes "i know" and then left the room.

Whatever, dude. I didn't say but maybe should have, I have no plans right now to go back to L or any other T, but in the future if I decide to, I'm going to, so get over it.

Yes. If you want to go back do so! You know when you need to stop.

What kind of look are you going for art with the hair?

Perhaps you need some colour?

I'm so sorry, Artie.

You deserve to be with somebody who respects you for taking care of yourself, whatever that might look like.



If you find some validation and support in seeing L, then what on earth is wrong with that?

There aren't many households where mental health is discussed freely, although thankfully that seems to be changing.

Please do not feel bad about giving yourself the grace you need.

Take care,

Lost

Ugh, Artie, that's annoying! And not very respectful. Agreed with Lemon and Lost that if you feel you want or need to see L again, then go.


One thing I really appreciate about my H is that he just accepts my therapy appointments as part of our regular expenses. Like up there with the mortgage and such. Even though I feel guilty about it. Though I have been reducing sessions (some weeks at least!) lately.

My eye dr, the lovely and beauteous Balthazar, said i did not have any scarring problems and gave me the go-ahead to swim. Also discussed my cataract situation - said to see if a new eyeglass prescription cant correct it enough for me. Picked up my insulin.

I'm starting to feel really anxious about my MRI appointment. I'm worried they won't have scrubs that fit me. I had my mammogram at this place last year and the gown they gave me barely covered me. It was embarrassing. I'm worried they're going to find something seriously wrong. I had to cancel today's therapy session to schedule these appointments and he couldn't find another time that would work so I'm feeling like I'm missing out on my chance to connect too.

Thanks Lemon!

My hair, I for sure need a trim, my bangs are getting in my eyes. Probably needs thinning again too, when it's this heavy on top, my bangs won't behave. I'm thinking of going shorter still in the back, at least while it's still so hot outside!

Part of me wants to put some bright color or other in there. We shall see.

Most hospitals do usually have larger sizes these days.

What normally helps calm your anxiety down?

Perhaps you could go over old emails that you have previously found comforting?

If you want colour go for it. Especially as you already work from home. The stylist can help you pick out what goes best with your skin tone.

Think it would be good for for helping to build up your self confidence.

Yay glad to hear no scaring!

Well done on collecting your medication too.

Soon there will be no stopping you!

There's a show called Year and Years you might like.

Thank you, Lost. I decided a long time ago that he called her that just to get on my nerves, so I stopped letting it bother me.

Thanks, LT. I'm glad your H is accepting of it. Y'know, I thought mine finally had accepted my seeing L - but I guess this incident shows me that he was just pretending for whatever reason. Who knows with him. Depending on the results of the female issue medical tests I have coming up, if I feel like I need extra support she's the one I'll be calling since she already knows about it. I'm not too concerned about the hematologist appt in August; all that's for is to find out if I have to be on Xarelto for life, or for only 6 months.

I'm sorry you feel guilty about prioritizing your mental health. I had stopped feeling guilty about it when H stopped giving me **** about it, but if I were still seeing her, after what he said, I'd have started feeling guilty again. I don't know why we do that. It's just as important as physical health maybe even moreso because it can affect our physical health.

My H only complains to me about therapy when he's worried about money. Even when L and I have a rupture, H is actually supportive of us working it out. He knows she's the best therapist I've had, and I've been the most stable with her. I am grateful he's mostly accepting of my therapy. And he never tries to butt into it. Actually, he HATES paying for my psych meds, but I always tell him that I'll get off of them and then see how he likes me...lol. That shuts him up because he remembers me without my meds.

That show looks good. Ive been bingewatching Morse and fbing british tv shows.

We are so lucky to have our own personal couch dr!

Eta - HUGE thunderstorms. Power is out.

Navajo Rabbit...some bastard opened an account on a cryptocurrency website using my email address, and there's 'nothing they can do about it'.

I know it doesn't matter...but it doesn't feel good as somebody who has already been manipulated to hell by unscrupulous individuals.

Hugs, Lost, I'm sorry...I can't believe there's nothing they can do? I hope you can get it resolved.

Hugs, NP. I hope it went/is going OK, that the gown worked out, and that nothing is seriously wrong. I'm sorry you had to miss therapy for it--do you see him again this week? I can't recall what your usual schedule is.

R was helpful again today--she was talking some about Internal Family Systems, with the exile (like the child part) and the protectors, then the self. It helped me think about things differently. Also about the place I want to get to, in terms of self-love, so that I don't need to keep trying to get it from the outside (not that love from others isn't important, but it also can't fill a certain void). And finding meaning. And a bunch of other stuff that I'm still processing.

I may be able to see her for a session at the end of August, when Dr. T tends to go away for 5-7 days for a particular event, so it's good to think that we could continue a conversation then. Or I could potentially schedule another time with her sooner, though I need some time to process what we discussed, I think (plus I'll be away for most of a week in August with my family).

And there's stuff going on with D that I wish I could talk to Dr. T about this week (as he knows all the background). It's hard because I'm just used to updating him so regularly. Over the weekend and earlier this week, I kept thinking, "Oh I can discuss that in our session," then remembering that's not until Monday, 7/31. Which I know isn't *that* far away. But it can feel like it when you're used to frequent contact. I'm halfway there, I guess? My goal is not to email him.

I'm also hoping it is going/went okay NP. It's annoying that they don't seem to make different sized gowns.

I'm sorry, Lost, it seems like there certainly SHOULD be something they can do about it. Not that I would know what, but dang! that sucks. I don't understand anything at all about this newfangled crypto stuff.