Kind of like her/kind of hate her

I know no therapist is perfect. I’m pretty sure most therapists I’ve had, I’ve liked at times and hated at other times.

Backstory: I’ve been seeing my current therapist for a little over two months. The very first time I saw her, I didn’t like her (as a therapist) but I kept going because I was honestly too lazy to find anyone else. My judgement of her was that she was a little too peppy and I’m someone more serious, who doesn’t really like to laugh or joke around in sessions. As time went on, I started to really like seeing her because she was there for me through my ongoing crisis. For example, after one of my sessions, she texted me asking if she could give me a mid-week call, and then planned my next couple days out with me so I would have a schedule and less time to feel suicidal. I literally hung up the phone and sobbed for like 10 minutes because I felt so cared for for the first time in forever. Then I had a hospital stay and began an outpatient program at the hospital. While I waited to begin the OP program, we saw each other twice a week until I began, and we went back to once.

Ok now to today-

Currently: I’ve had a couple sessions with her that just felt off and I felt not heard at all. This past week I had a mental breakdown and I texted her during it to ask if she had time for a phone call before our next session. She said no and to utilize the hospital programming I’m a part of. Which is totally fine. A little embarrassing and disappointing to hear but I get that it’s her job and she gets to set the parameters. I’m a little hurt that she didn’t ask me what I felt about that interaction. Then when I told her why I was upset over the weekend, I feel like she wasn’t understanding me. It’s hard to describe but I felt like she talked a lot about what she thought of my situation and how she felt about the things I’m doing instead of asking me what I thought. And her thoughts and opinions on it were far, far off from how I felt. She’s also a pre-licensed therapist and as far as I can tell, I think we’re around the same age. So that feels awkward to me as well because I’ve never seen a therapist who wasn’t 10+ years older than me.

I would be sad to leave and have to start again with a new therapist, especially because I don’t think this therapeutic relationship is all bad. It just leaves a lot to be desired at times and is starting to feel more like a chore than a stress reliever. I don’t know if this is something I can bring up with her because we’ve never had any kind of conflict in the past, so I wouldn’t know how to go about it. My question is- is it just time to find someone else?

If she is pre-licensed, then she is probably being supervised? In which case you are probably getting the advice of her probably much older supervisor.

That is a lot of contact for just 2 months, and it feels to me like you are trying to control the situation with her. Therapy is not about getting one person to act like YOU think is right ("she is not listening to me, she is telling me what she thinks"), and then you can tell the world see im right! (I WISH it worked that way!). It is more to learn to accept what isnt right (that you are being treated unfairly in some way), and figure out a different path for yourself. Because that SAME path probably isnt going to work for you ever. Whoever will NEVER see things your way. They are wondering when YOU will see things THEIR way. The solution is to take your ball and go play your own game, with new people who get YOU.

Only you know if it's time to find someone else.

Maybe you should set up a crisis plan/safety plan? Then you would both know what to expect from each other. I have a safety plan with L. And we have set expectations that work for both of us. She is not a 24/7 therapist, so it helps me to know what her boundaries are. And she sets her boundaries where she can be consistent, not to punish me.

Two months is still early in the relationship. And you've already had two crises? Maybe she's not feeling equipped to deal with someone who is struggling so much. You say she's pre-licensed? That tells me that she either isn't equipped and/or that she has a supervisor who is working with her.

Again, 2 months is early. I remember yelling at T "You're not listening to me!" during one of our first sessions. I also remember telling her that I hated her. And yet we worked together for 4 years. She really helped me get to a place where I can now do deep trauma work with L. And yes, she did start listening to me after that session.

I do understand wanting to be heard. The thing that instantly attracted me to L was that she asked what I felt on our first phone call. She's always wanting to hear what my parts have to say. She calls it my "golden finch voice". Anything I bring, she welcomes it. So I can understand why it would be frustrating for your T to just say her opinion and not check in with you about yours.

It really is best to talk to her about it. If you don't, you'll just remain frustrated and upset and the relationship won't grow. Then you probably will leave. But if you talk to her about it, maybe you can work things out and the relationship can grow.