Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

Mountaindewed · Feb 11, 2024 at 01:36 PM

I'm waiting until after I see my pdoc to email you. But I've been trying. That one situation I stressed out about worked out as best as it could. Yesterday I watched soccor and game shows. I'm hanging on.

ArtieTheSequal · Feb 11, 2024 at 03:43 PM

After what we talked about last week, I'm beginning to think a LOT about the difference between being "done" and "done enough". I mean duh, I'm not done. But, is anybody ever really?! Maybe I am just done enough.

LostOnTheTrail · Feb 11, 2024 at 06:43 PM

Please help me be honest about the impact of this. I didn't have a chance to just be sad that my friend died.

The reality of the situation added layers that I hadn't thought about.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 11, 2024 at 09:04 PM

Dear T,
Disappointed we'll need to meet virtually tomorrow, but I appreciate your not wanting to give me your cold. And I'd certainly prefer meeting virtually to not meeting at all. Also glad you texted tonight instead of waiting till tomorrow morning.
Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Feb 12, 2024 at 08:39 AM

Plot twist: we discuss so many sleep podcasts to use and last night I didn't use Spotify at all and I slept almost 11 hours straight.

LostOnTheTrail · Feb 12, 2024 at 10:00 AM

I miss the days when I could put some new strings on an instrument, make some noise, and make it all go away.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 12, 2024 at 02:18 PM

Dear T,

I hope we can meet in person Wednesday. I'm sure today it was partly that you're sick and partly that it was virtual, which I'm not used to, but I felt quite disconnected. And you probably forgot the agreement from the pandemic sessions, but it upset me a bit that you left the Zoom meeting first. Not something worth mentioning though, unless we have to do Zoom Wed. again. Sorry for rambling about the Super Bowl in the end and going over time slightly, just trying to connect a little there, I guess.

Feel better. In part because I care and in part so we can meet in person Wed.

Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · Feb 12, 2024 at 06:40 PM

My pdoc asked how often I saw you and I said once a week but that you allow emails so I email you about twice a week.

Yeah I was throwing a bit of shade on purpose to my transference T but I think it flew over his head anyways.

LostOnTheTrail · Feb 13, 2024 at 06:41 AM

'Why are some hell bent upon there being an answer
While some are quite content to answer 'I don't know'?'

- David Bazan, Curse Your Branches

Thinking about the words I wrote to Steve in that letter, that unknowingly echoed his words to me.

Possible trigger:

You were so loved and you ****ing left.

I know I'll never wrap my head around it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Mountaindewed · Feb 13, 2024 at 02:21 PM

I'm trying to get up the energy to think of telling you whats going on. The not getting the job. The 2 new meds. My mind is like melted butter right now though

velcro003 · Feb 13, 2024 at 02:27 PM

omg, it just keeps getting worse. I have to take penny to the vet, and I still don't know how I am going to get her in the carrier. also, I am scared to see what is wrong,

Mountaindewed · Feb 14, 2024 at 09:13 PM

I'm feeling things a bit. Yeah I know. The antibiotics I didn't finish. Its just a cold so I should be fine for our session

retro_chic · Feb 15, 2024 at 08:39 AM

I wasn't expecting the topic of my facebook "research" to come up today but I guess it's a good thing. I appreciated you telling me it's okay; those are words I often fantasise about you saying to me. It was also nice when you asked me if I was okay as you probably saw how ashamed I was feeling. Hearing you say you think we should talk about this more was sort of encouraging although I know I will continue to struggle to do so. I want to tell you that I found your instagram profile with your drawings and I enjoy looking at it even though you haven't posted on there in a long time. It helps me feel more connected to you. That's really all this is about. I just miss you. Also, I wonder what things we might have in common. I know of a couple but I wonder if there's more?

unaluna · Feb 15, 2024 at 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I'm feeling things a bit. Yeah I know. The antibiotics I didn't finish. Its just a cold so I should be fine for our session

Dont know if you know this already, but:
Not finishing your antibiotics doesnt affect just you. By science-magic (sorry, i dont know how else to explain it), your personal cooties as well as their all their children and relatives floating around out there develop a resistance to that antibiotic, making it less effective for anyone in the entire world who is prescribed that antibiotic, not just you.

So yeah we would encourage you to prioritize finishing your antibiotics. I know it gets yucky towards the end of the scrip, you can smell them in your pee like they were not processed, but this letting your sinus infection get halfway better then flare up again, may be okay for now (which it isnt really), but in the future you may contract another infection (esp given all your past surgeries) that they will have a hard time taking down.

Mountaindewed · Feb 15, 2024 at 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Dont know if you know this already, but:
Not finishing your antibiotics doesnt affect just you. By science-magic (sorry, i dont know how else to explain it), your personal cooties as well as their all their children and relatives floating around out there develop a resistance to that antibiotic, making it less effective for anyone in the entire world who is prescribed that antibiotic, not just you.

So yeah we would encourage you to prioritize finishing your antibiotics. I know it gets yucky towards the end of the scrip, you can smell them in your pee like they were not processed, but this letting your sinus infection get halfway better then flare up again, may be okay for now (which it isnt really), but in the future you may contract another infection (esp given all your past surgeries) that they will have a hard time taking down.

It already happened. I'm full blown sick now with a cold. I did move my appointment to virtual since I'm hacking a lot and blowing my nose and stuff.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 15, 2024 at 04:54 PM

Dear T,

I hope I can feel more connected to you tomorrow. That it's just that you were sick. That you'll be more recovered tomorrow and more like your usual self. I keep thinking of ways to try to explain what felt off, but all the ways I've thought of to explain it to you just sound weird. Like, "You aren't smiling with your eyes as you usually do" (aka "smizing" per Tyra Banks on ANTM, but no way you'd know that reference!). Or other ones. Or simply, "You just don't seem like...*you*."

I think I need to feel that from you before I bring up the thing from the Friday before you went away. It's a positive thing, but I could see it heading in an odd/bad direction if you're not firing on at least most cylinders. I just need to figure out what to talk about--the best way to either reconnect or, if that doesn't seem to be happening, make productive use of the time--maybe talking about something more practical, say, or something that's particularly in your wheelhouse such that you could practically do it in your sleep.

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Feb 15, 2024 at 05:18 PM

Makes sense to me, LT.

Hope you can feel 'safer' with him.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 15, 2024 at 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Makes sense to me, LT.

Hope you can feel 'safer' with him.

Thanks, Lost!

LostOnTheTrail · Feb 16, 2024 at 06:26 AM

I wept this morning.

My friend sent me this

I don't think I'm done, but I can only do that active grieving in small doses.

ArtieTheSequal · Feb 16, 2024 at 06:42 PM

Therapy is stupid. Why do I keep doing this to myself?
I felt like waving a white flag from my car window and shouting I QUIT!!!!!!

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,771 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Feb 11, 2024 at 01:36 PM #281 I'm waiting until after I see my pdoc to email you. But I've been trying. That one situation I stressed out about worked out as best as it could. Yesterday I watched soccor and game shows. I'm hanging on. __________________ I'm Blue

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,595 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,009 hugs given	Feb 11, 2024 at 03:43 PM #282 After what we talked about last week, I'm beginning to think a LOT about the difference between being "done" and "done enough". I mean duh, I'm not done. But, is anybody ever really?! Maybe I am just done enough.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,615 (SuperPoster!) 9 76.2k hugs given	Feb 11, 2024 at 09:04 PM #284 Dear T, Disappointed we'll need to meet virtually tomorrow, but I appreciate your not wanting to give me your cold. And I'd certainly prefer meeting virtually to not meeting at all. Also glad you texted tonight instead of waiting till tomorrow morning. Love, LT

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,771 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Feb 12, 2024 at 08:39 AM #285 Plot twist: we discuss so many sleep podcasts to use and last night I didn't use Spotify at all and I slept almost 11 hours straight. __________________ I'm Blue

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,771 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Feb 12, 2024 at 06:40 PM #288 My pdoc asked how often I saw you and I said once a week but that you allow emails so I email you about twice a week. Yeah I was throwing a bit of shade on purpose to my transference T but I think it flew over his head anyways. __________________ I'm Blue

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,771 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Feb 13, 2024 at 02:21 PM #290 I'm trying to get up the energy to think of telling you whats going on. The not getting the job. The 2 new meds. My mind is like melted butter right now though __________________ I'm Blue

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,368 16 25 hugs given	Feb 13, 2024 at 02:27 PM #291 omg, it just keeps getting worse. I have to take penny to the vet, and I still don't know how I am going to get her in the carrier. also, I am scared to see what is wrong,

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,771 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,749 hugs given	Feb 14, 2024 at 09:13 PM #292 I'm feeling things a bit. Yeah I know. The antibiotics I didn't finish. Its just a cold so I should be fine for our session __________________ I'm Blue

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,595 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,009 hugs given	Feb 16, 2024 at 06:42 PM #300 Therapy is stupid. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I felt like waving a white flag from my car window and shouting I QUIT!!!!!!