Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

Sounds like a lovely day, except for having to deal with angry people on the phone.

I hope they're not too angry.

May the rest of your day go smoothly.

I recently tried a new mood tracker app called How We Feel. I've tried several in the past but I just couldn't deal with trying to rate my mood on a 1 - 5 scale. This app gives you a list of mood words to choose from. The list is pretty extensive too so there's a lot of room for nuance which I appreciate. Pretty colors too. And it's free.

I give Japanese sweet potato ice cream two thumbs up. I need to work on getting the main flavor I want to come through (so more pineapple less banana) but the texture was perfect and even the flavor was good if banana had been my goal. My partner (who can be a bit of a picky eater) liked it. Even after I told her about the sweet potato - which I did not do until she had eaten most of and said she liked it.

General question: how do you stop yourself from second-guessing yourself, after you've made a decision and followed through on it? I knew one of the likely consequences was going to be exactly this - wondering if it was a mistake. But at the time, I felt like it was the right decision. Most of me still feels that it was. I just still have that niggling little part of me that says "you screwed up again dummy!"

I try to think about whether I made a knee-jerk reaction or if it really was well reasoned. What did I intend to accomplish with the decision?
Was the decision made from a place of calm or from a place of emotion?
Did I have as many facts as I needed and could reasonably be expected to know or find out -or was I acting on assumption where I could have gotten the info (I love to research things/I ask before assuming I know/so on)
Can I reverse the decision if I want to?


If you are talking about the therapist - then I would also suggest you look at your patterns. This seems part of it. You go, it is good, then you start looking for reasons to quit, then she says something you get upset by, and then you quit. (we all have patterns and have some that are healthy and some that are unhealthy -hopefully the unhealthy ones that no longer serve are fewer than the healthy patterns. This is not to say you are bad or wrong - just see if it is the pattern you want to keep doing, is it only with therapists so it doesn't matter or is it with others so maybe it is something to look at)
The fact she did not write back after you quit is not wrong on her part from what I have read- that is what a lot of them are taught. What did you expect from her that her lack of response upsets you? Why did you write in the first place after you quit? (not that you have to answer -which you know -just things I would ask myself). Did you quit by phone? Perhaps she has decided to respect your space and decision.

Artie

For me, I try to accept that I made the best decision I could in the moment with the information I had. I also try not to regret things by believing that everything happens for a reason. I don't know if either of those help you...

You reached out to her and she hasn't replied? I think you might have made the right decision logically, but maybe your heart doesn't think so. It's hard ending such a long deep relationship with someone.

I've been on the fence with my L. I'm scared to make a decision either way. It's hard.

Ah of course it's about therapy. Without saying too much - it's not the taking a break itself I'm questioning, it's that I told her on the phone and not in person that's starting to bother me. This isn't really my usual pattern. I'm probably only perseverating on the hurtful things she said after the fact, because it's easier to feel bad about those than it is to worry that she's upset with me because I called & canceled instead of telling her face to face.

thanks Scarlet. Well, to be honest my email didn't exactly ask for a response. I suppose I just wanted one. But, you're right. logically it was the right decision but my heart doesn't like it. that's the issue. my heart and my head not getting along as usual! maybe i should write a poem about that....

I'll try believing that everything happens for a reason. And I already thought of one - her not responding is forcing me to grow up a little more and accept the consequences of my sending the email. Which I'm fighting tooth and nail, which IS a pattern ha. Of course I knew that her not responding at all was one possible consequence. I just blocked it out or something.

I don't think for it to be a pattern it has to be exactly the same. Like quitting by phone rather than in person does not have to be the important part here in terms of pattern - it might be important for other reasons, of course.

What difference does it make whether she is upset or not? Is it better to think she is upset rather than that she might not be thinking about it at all?

Y'know how I'm doing this poem a day challenge for a year, right? Well my poem that day was to her - basically a gratitude/thank you for everything type poem and that's what I emailed her. I don't know what I expected. I just wanted something I suppose. I did do it by phone. But she said I could call or email to check in. So I thought it would be ok to send the thank you. I know me. I'm also a little concerned that I hurt her feelings by doing it on the phone. I'll add that her respecting my space and decision to what scarlet said about everything happens for a reason. thanks.

Ugh, I hadn't looked at it like that. No. I'd rather she not be thinking about it at all, than her being upset. I just realized I was looking at her non-response as her getting back at me or something. Goodness. That's messed up.

I tell myself I did what I did (past) and that’s the new normal (present), now I need to figure out how to live with it (future).

It's natural to have moments of doubt after making a decision, but it's important to trust your judgment and remind yourself why you made that choice in the first place.

Reflect on the reasons behind your decision and the thought process you went through. Would it have subsequently been harder to leave L if it was in person?

Focus on the positives and the potential benefits of your decision rather than dwelling on the negative "what ifs." You still stood up for yourself. You left a situation you were unhappy with.

Just an idea or maybe the doubt was about wanting to see her and her reaction to the news you were leaving. To see that you did affect her. Wanting her to say that you meant something to her. By reliving the situation in your mind you keep a part of the relationship alive even though you know it’s over.

Your duty lies to your own heart Art.

I wish I was less sensitive but I’m not.

I got shouted at yesterday for telling a surgeon that my friend was running late. We had already started and he was calling me trying to find us.

Then today this morning, I’m supposed to hand in a report, that’s due in a few months. I needed a signature. I came on Friday. Another doctor said they spoke to the person I had been assigned that he said to come on wenesday. I went in today at 8.30am. Told him I was here about the report, he started walking but I didn’t hear what he said. “Secretary”. He grabbed my arm ( not hard) and moved me towards the main secretary/ PA room. He walked off and said “ don’t follow me like a shadow”.

This person is supposed to be supervising my report.

I haven’t been feeling well since Sunday. Just surviving not #thriving. I couldn’t help it but I began to cry and walked off to the children’s department to change my report title find a new supervisor. Who told me to come to her tomorrow.

I’m going to book a one off session for Friday evening- with the person I saw last year.

I make a mean chili, and am also proficient with a southern favorite, cornbread. The essential ingredients are, Cornbread+Chili+Shredded, Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese+A bit of sour cream = arteriosclerosis. Yet it is very good, I have a hard time eating now and that made me hungry. Thank goodness for Lipitor, as mankind would go extinct because we consume so many fats now. What was it that icon for cheetos, Chester would say, "It's not easy, being cheesy."

Hugs, Lemon. The world needs your sensitivity now more than ever. I'm sorry you got shouted at for something that wasn't your fault. And that that doctor was so rude to you, grabbing your arm and telling you not to follow him like a shadow. that would have upset me, too and I would have also cried and wanted to find a new supervisor. I hope you get it all worked out even better than it would have been.

I like this. Thank you.

So, this morning I have realized that part of the growing up I still need to do is, in knowing that I have a choice in how I react to stuff. So I am making the choice to stop being a damn drama queen about this. I got what I asked for, it's over, turn the page... on to bigger & better things.

This is being posted as a reminder to myself when I forget heh

we had an excellent zoom call last night with the poetry challenge group. There were like 65 people attending! Our guest poet who spoke and read some of his work was Emmett Wheatfall. He was super inspiring!

You're not being a drama queen, at least certainly not in here. Maybe you mean to yourself?

And I didn't answer your initial question because I haven't really figured that out either. I've gotten better at it, for sure. But I still struggle with it.

Oh, I'm being a drama queen alright, in my un-shared writings. I am pretty good at being one of those, even if it did take me a long time to own it. I suppose that not owning is kinda part of being one, huh.

oops lunch break's over gotta get back to work!

Thats a tough admit. Good for you. Growth for you.

Oh the happy feeling when you think you ate the last of your orange slices only to realize you still have the other half of the orange sitting there ready to eat.

Thats a good way to look at it. Im like, darn shipt shopper got me these humungoid oranges cuz he couldnt walk two aisles over to find the little ones. : cuss emoji :