Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

unaluna · Mar 30, 2024 at 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Yep it has been.

Well i ve been sad because a favorite poster of mine has gone missing. Not sure why. But i found her very supportive and nonjudgmental and for sure i was going to marry her not kidding this (n-teenth!) time that ive fallen in love with someone on the site.

comrademoomoo · Mar 30, 2024 at 02:38 PM

It is increasingly quiet here.

Whilst you are all getting lost down memory lane with your typewriters and reminiscing about past loved ones, I have been eating my body weight in simnel cake. Very heavy on the marzipan, you would approve unamylove. I survived the swim yesterday, but only just. By jove, it was cold. As a result, must keep my blood sugar up, not sure that's how it works, off for another slice nonetheless.

comrademoomoo · Mar 30, 2024 at 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Well i ve been sad because a favorite poster of mine has gone missing. Not sure why. But i found her very supportive and nonjudgmental and for sure i was going to marry her not kidding this (n-teenth!) time that ive fallen in love with someone on the site.

I am still here, please don't break your heart over me. It's hard, I know. My charisma is a curse in so many ways.

unaluna · Mar 30, 2024 at 02:44 PM

I thought you drownded

so i moved on. Oopsie!

Lemoncake · Mar 30, 2024 at 02:48 PM

The truth hurts, but you know how it was always supposed to be Ben and Jerry. Ross and Rachel. It was always Una and @@.

Moo you deserve someone who truly loves you as much as you love them. Una just goes around breaking young hearts.

unaluna · Mar 30, 2024 at 02:55 PM

I said, "Oops." Doesn't that count? I thought we were on a break!

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 30, 2024 at 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Art you should write the memories with your grandparents out and get them printed out. Doesn’t have to be fancy, but it would be a lovely gift to yourself and a way to honour your grandparents.

Great idea, thank you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

And the cover photo should be the one of you on the rocks, stretching out your hand towards granmama.

Another great idea!

comrademoomoo · Mar 31, 2024 at 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I thought you drownded

so i moved on. Oopsie!

I was not drowning but waving! Siren not cannonball!!

comrademoomoo · Mar 31, 2024 at 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

The truth hurts, but you know how it was always supposed to be Ben and Jerry. Ross and Rachel. It was always Una and @@.

Moo you deserve someone who truly loves you as much as you love them. Una just goes around breaking young hearts.

You are only saying that so you can muscle me out and get a look in for yourself. You are Joey, no, even worse: Haagen Dazs.

comrademoomoo · Mar 31, 2024 at 02:37 PM

Why is it so quiet here these days? Did everyone else grow up and move on? All resolved and uncomplexed?

unaluna · Mar 31, 2024 at 02:53 PM

We are worried about Charlie's pancreas.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 31, 2024 at 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

Why is it so quiet here these days? Did everyone else grow up and move on? All resolved and uncomplexed?

I wish I was all grown up, resolved, and uncomplexed! No such luck over here. Every time I start to post or even do post something I'm afraid it's too negative and I stop or delete it. I feel guilty that I feel so bad/sad about ending with L, when it was MY decision, when others are struggling with terminations by their t. I feel like I'm just being a big-***** baby whining about it.

Although come to think of it maybe it was her decision all along but she didn't have the cajones to terminate, so she just said those ****** things to me to get me hurt/pissed off enough to quit.

See that's the stuff I've been posting/deleting lately.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 31, 2024 at 03:20 PM

Speaking of eating your weight in marzipan....

Possible trigger:

I've been eating everything in sight lately and I can't seem to stop and I keep gaining weight. I'm just sick about it. 3 times in the past few months I bought these big bags of reeses off of amazon and kept them in my office drawer so h wouldn't know (yay me hiding food

) and i ate them each within a couple of days. I ate so many of them, so fast, I kept feeling sick to my stomach but I kept eating them anyway. Yeesh. I just joined another 12-step program a couple days ago to get help with this, OA (overeaters anon). It's like, I feel so empty inside because of this whole mess with L (why the **** do I care so much) that I have to keep eating trying to fill the bottomless emptiness. Ugh. I've gained back all the weight I had lost after the hospital thing last June. Double ugh. I'm so gross I don't know how I just admitted that to y'all.

comrademoomoo · Mar 31, 2024 at 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

I wish I was all grown up, resolved, and uncomplexed! No such luck over here. Every time I start to post or even do post something I'm afraid it's too negative and I stop or delete it. I feel guilty that I feel so bad/sad about ending with L, when it was MY decision, when others are struggling with terminations by their t. I feel like I'm just being a big-***** baby whining about it.

Although come to think of it maybe it was her decision all along but she didn't have the cajones to terminate, so she just said those ****** things to me to get me hurt/pissed off enough to quit.

See that's the stuff I've been posting/deleting lately.

Ending a long term, complex relationship where you have attempted to uncover your vulnerabilities is a big deal. It would be weird if you didn't have residual feelings. It sounds like lots of unfinished business (which itself probably predates therapy/your therapist) and it's hard to focus on that and not get distracted by guilt/blame/criticism/erasure/drama etc etc. All of this stuff gets in the way and stops resolution. I am working on my own version of this.

comrademoomoo · Mar 31, 2024 at 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Speaking of eating your weight in marzipan....

Possible trigger:

I've been eating everything in sight lately and I can't seem to stop and I keep gaining weight. I'm just sick about it. 3 times in the past few months I bought these big bags of reeses off of amazon and kept them in my office drawer so h wouldn't know (yay me hiding food

) and i ate them each within a couple of days. I ate so many of them, so fast, I kept feeling sick to my stomach but I kept eating them anyway. Yeesh. I just joined another 12-step program a couple days ago to get help with this, OA (overeaters anon). It's like, I feel so empty inside because of this whole mess with L (why the **** do I care so much) that I have to keep eating trying to fill the bottomless emptiness. Ugh. I've gained back all the weight I had lost after the hospital thing last June. Double ugh. I'm so gross I don't know how I just admitted that to y'all.

Have you read Mother Hunger? It's specifically about problematic mothers and our relationship with them so might not be relevant for you (I don't know your family situation), but the bottomless emptiness is very relevant to what she discusses.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 31, 2024 at 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

Have you read Mother Hunger? It's specifically about problematic mothers and our relationship with them so might not be relevant for you (I don't know your family situation), but the bottomless emptiness is very relevant to what she discusses.

Thank you. I will look into that book. I have done SO much work around my f'd up relationship with my mother, and I suspect that I have not yet done enough because some of the patterns are being repeated with L right now. I see this, with her ignoring that email. It's an exact repeat of how my mom used to ignore me and my siblings if we were bad or displeasing her. So I assume I have displeased L somehow and that's why she ignored my email.

SO complicated.

comrademoomoo · Mar 31, 2024 at 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

Thank you. I will look into that book. I have done SO much work around my f'd up relationship with my mother, and I suspect that I have not yet done enough because some of the patterns are being repeated with L right now. I see this, with her ignoring that email. It's an exact repeat of how my mom used to ignore me and my siblings if we were bad or displeasing her. So I assume I have displeased L somehow and that's why she ignored my email.

SO complicated.

It is very complicated, I agree. And it's not linear and it's not easy to keep a hold of the depth of it. Really hard and painful stuff.

Lemoncake · Mar 31, 2024 at 04:27 PM

I bought that same book for my sister along with the book “I’m glad my mother X” by Jeanette McCurdy.

The eating is a just coping mechanism to deal with distress. It's good that you're recognizing parallels between your current relationship with L and past dynamics with your mother.

Maybe CBT could help you challenge and reframe these negative thought patterns?

You can heal from this Art. You just need to go slowly.

You could also DM me if you wanted to talk about gym and exercise motivation.

ArtieTheSequal · Mar 31, 2024 at 04:46 PM

Thanks Lemon. Yeah, I want to read Jeanette's book, maybe I'll order that one too.

I did go for a walk today on my lunch break, for the first time in a while. It felt good to be outside again in the fresh air. It actually gave me enough motivation that I am going for another walk as soon as I clock off work in 20 minutes. I've done more than my share of work today so I'm just coasting for the last bit.

Possible trigger:

I also began identifying my 'red' foods as they said in the OA meeting the other night, and I have not eaten any junk today. H bought a small cheesecake the other day and he has eaten half of it already but I have not touched it, and I'm not going to either. Chocolate and cheesecake are two of my trigger foods I guess you'd call them. I eat them without even realizing I'm eating. Like with those stupid reeses - I know and taste that I'm eating the first couple, but then suddenly it's like I 'wake up' and there's a pile of wrappers in front of me that I don't remember even eating the contents of. It's ridiculous, it is. i'm surprised I haven't put myself into a sugar coma yet.

unaluna · Mar 31, 2024 at 05:02 PM

Yeah remember how i said i surprised myself fitting into an old blouse? I wont even try it now. I gained 20 lbs this past year after i started on insulin. Dr said yeah that happens but ordering cookies and candies on amazon doesnt just "happen."

I think i was worried about losing my apartment. Cuz man i disappeared on myself.

So now ive got a new glucose monitor and like hundreds of test strips so i am doing better about checking my sugar, not eating as much sweets, and recording my exercise minutes. Still trying to hit that sweet spot between not hard enough and too hard.

Possible trigger:

my current sweets are fiber one brownies and coffee cake - they are about the size of a playing card - not deck, CARD!!! - if you bend the card in half! - and the belvita little bites.

I read jeannette's book, it was pretty good.

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Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,979 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.6k hugs given	Mar 30, 2024 at 02:44 PM #764 I thought you drownded so i moved on. Oopsie!

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,731 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Mar 30, 2024 at 02:48 PM #765 The truth hurts, but you know how it was always supposed to be Ben and Jerry. Ross and Rachel. It was always Una and @@. Moo you deserve someone who truly loves you as much as you love them. Una just goes around breaking young hearts. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,979 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.6k hugs given	Mar 30, 2024 at 02:55 PM #766 I said, "Oops." Doesn't that count? I thought we were on a break!

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,728 5	Mar 31, 2024 at 02:37 PM #770 Why is it so quiet here these days? Did everyone else grow up and move on? All resolved and uncomplexed?

unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,979 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.6k hugs given	Mar 31, 2024 at 02:53 PM #771 We are worried about Charlie's pancreas.