Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

My parents used to own a teapot, I have very fond memories of drinking tea and eating a slice of cake with them on Sundays.

Currently, our faucet produces boiling water on demand, so I just use that and a cup whenever I want tea, especially since nobody else drinks it.

Well I stepped out of my comfort zone at work a bit this morning, and facilitated our team huddle. Our sup is starting this new weekly team huddle where we have to take turns facilitating, I volunteered to go first so I wouldn't have any giant shoes to fill haha. We have to plan the whole thing, she's not giving us topics. It went well I think. Glad it's over though haha.

I don't, though I have an electric kettle that...I also don't use (it heats water). I mostly drink coffee.

My late grandmother used to collect tea pots and had a whole collection on a top shelf in her kitchen. I used to get her calendars with teapots on them. Nice memory for me...

LT - thats so neat! I love looking at teapots.

I have teapots, electric kettle, japanese thermal electric water heater thingy that keeps the water hot all the time at a specific temp, and an entire cabinet dedicated to tea.
For tea I have black, green, white, herbal, and some roots. I despise earl grey or any of the ones that taste like flowers or perfume.
Growing up, my parents drank only hot tea in the morning and we had iced tea (not sweet tea) that we drank at meals. I was grown before I started drinking coffee. And probably then I only started drinking coffee because my person made it every morning in a pour over little cup for the both of us.

This discussion reminded me, I recently got a temperature controlled mug. It has has a heating element that will keep your drink at the temperature you set in the app, so your cup never gets cold when you forget about it for a while. Perfect for me.

In other news, today I got reminded of this weird dichotomy I seem to have. I'm the first person in my friendgroup to get grey hair (I'm 31, most friends around that age, all of them men). At the same time, people in stores and similar seem to perceive me as very young looking. I get ID'd for buying beer constantly (allowed after you turn 16!!) and recently a student started calling me the informal "you" meant for people in non-professional settings that are around your age, but even then usually you start with using the formal one. And it wasn't like she was being rude, I realized she thought I had just finished highschool and was in my first year of college. When I told her I actually have multiple years of work experience after finishing my degree, I'm not sure whether she now thinks I'm somehow a 20 year old gifted person or whether the grey hair will start to set in for her at some point...
And before anyone asks, it doesn't look like an artifical grey, it's like brown peppered hair.

Sigh - i used to look young too! I had a male boss once yell at me that he had "six years of experience!" I was like, i have sixteen...?! I musta looked darn good!

Another time, i went to this same boss to ask him to approve something. He refused. I pouted at my desk for a while, then went back, why are you holding me up, i need this to continue my work! He goes, there is NO WAY you need this NOW, you could NOT have finished the first task, you are
asking in advance. I was like, i finished the first task two weeks ago because i work proactively, ya big dummy. I anticipated this second part and i was right. Plus, that is just the right way to work.

Ford Motor deserves every bad thing that happens to them!!!

I was still getting carded in my 50's haha but they don't anymore. I guess that means I am officially old now.

Welp, it appears that my anger towards L has faded. I'm not even really feeling hurt anymore, strangely enough. Just, sad that I didn't get to say goodbye. When I told her I wanted this break, I honestly didn't realize at the time that it was a permanent one. I assumed that like always, I'd resume at some point. Her non-response to my email 3 weeks ago (and the whole situation in general) have cemented my resolve to not go back. I'm just sad that we didn't say a "proper" goodbye, whatever that means. Maybe it's better this way, just to fade into obscurity from each other. I don't know. I miss the way things used to be, but not what they became.

(off to find the Bob Newhart video now, i could use it)

Yesterday my poem for the day was an Abecedarian. Those are fun. The first letter of each line forms the alphabet. Oh and I have my 2nd OA meeting about 30 minutes after I log off work so in about 35 minutes. Looking forward to it. H brought home chocolate again. I've been off processed sugar crap since what Saturday? I forget. Chocolate is definitely one of my trigger foods, once I get off sugar, it's just easier not to eat any of it at all, than it would be to take just one bite. I should be getting a temp sponsor this afternoon, to walk me through my first 12 days working the program. last week was just an intro but today i officially start.

Found it

Good meeting. I think OA is exactly where I need to be right now.

Glad it was helpful, Artie!

Also glad your anger with L seems to be fading.

So yesterday i cleaned up the carpet around my tv chair, frankly it was full of crumbs, and now every time i catch a glimpse of it, im like boy what a beautiful carpet. And i didnt even vacuum it, i just ran the fuller brush mechanical sweeper over it. If i ever do clean this place up, my head will effin explode.

That sounds like a great step forward! Taking the initiative demonstrates leadership and teamwork skills. It's natural to feel a bit nervous, but it's clear that you handled it well.

Maybe you could also keep a achievement book and write your wins in there?

Baby steps and you’re doing really well.

I clean in bits too. One day the shower, another the kitchen counter and also live in a studio and still find it hard to keep up.

Evolving feelings towards L reflect a natural process of grief and acceptance. it signifies the loss of something meaningful in your life.

Closure plays a significant role in the healing process, allowing individuals to come to terms with the end of a relationship and move forward with a sense of peace. However, closure doesn't always come in the form we expect, and sometimes finding closure within ourselves is necessary for emotional healing.

Your acknowledgment that you miss the way things used to be but not what they became highlights a sense of disillusionment with the relationship's trajectory. This recognition suggests growth and introspection, as you've come to terms with the reality of the situation and prioritized your own well-being by choosing to move forward.

Maybe you could write a letter to L, you don’t have to send. Pick a rock from a walk, focus your thoughts on it about L then throw it
to symbolise leaving it behind.

Thank you Lemoncake, that makes so much sense. I have written her several letters in my journal, and a handful of poems too, that will never be sent. These, toward finding that closure inside myself, because I really do believe that is the best way. I'm starting to see that this whole 'wanting a proper goodbye' thing is mostly the codependent need to be sure she's not mad at me (ie, to control how she feels about me). CoDA has been a big help in figuring that out!

I like your idea about the rock, too! And I'm going to try it this morning on my walk to see how it feels.

Artie, I referenced your posting of Newhart's "Stop It!" with Dr. T today because it fit well with something that came up at the end of session. He knew the scene, and we were both laughing about it, which was nice.

I was telling him how I'd submitted my second assignment in the memoir course. And I read him a very short excerpt (it was about "Stone-gate," for those who remember that). He was praising my writing ability in general--I've shared a couple pieces with him in the past, including reading part of one out loud a week or two ago. He was asking how it felt to be working regularly on this, and I said good. That it was a positive outlet.

Then I said, "Though I need to start walking more, too."
Dr. T: Why are you doing that?
Me: Well, I mean, I need more exercise, so...
Dr. T: No, I mean, why are you sh***ing on this positive thing by focusing on something negative instead?
Me (tearing up):"I don't know.
Dr. T: Why don't we try celebrating the positive part?
Me: OK. I can try to do that.

I sent it to L at some point and she thought it was funny too and then after that she started telling me to "stop it" randomly. haha.