Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

Thanks, Jersey, those are good points. I also get the sense that other clients aren't particularly bothered by the move (well, some of his clients are virtual only). So I doubt any other client would think to do that--though I could see them driving by the building if they're unfamiliar with the area so they know where to go.

I did confirm that there's no front desk, as that was also something stopping me. I figure if there are random people in the lobby, I could just dig through my purse like I'm looking for something, then head back outside like I left an item in my car. (I mean, I've done that enough times anyway!)

It's a public building with a lobby which is fully accessible by the public. It's not his space and you don't need his permission to enter it, nor do you need a cover story to explain your reasons for being there. It seems positive to me that you have thought of doing something which could help your anxiety, it shows agency and self-management. It would be different if you were planning on sitting outside his room staring at the door, but you aren't. I feel a bit sad for you that you haven't been fully supported in the strategy.

Work vent, feel free to skip.

What is the sodding point of having a student showcase on a day when the senior staff are unable to attend?

Surely it would make more sense to have it on a day when people can recognise and celebrate their achievements.

That does seem stupid, Lost! And vent away.

Thanks, and you make good points here. I actually thought he'd consider it a good idea for the same reason, which is part of why his response threw me so much. It made me think of how he helped me with my agoraphobia early in the pandemic, where I was taking small steps, like standing at the door, then standing on my porch, then just sitting in my car.

Well, I ended up deciding to drive over there this morning. There was one person coming in at the same time, and I waved him off when he offered to hold the elevator. There are also offices on the first floor, so I just wandered in that direction.

And apparently, he's now considering himself part of some Wellness group, like it's listed as "[Dr. T's last name] Wellness," with the other clinicians (including a couple names I didn't know) listed underneath. What's funny is his first name is misspelled (do I tell him this? It''s an electronic sign, so I assume easily fixable by the building management).

Seems like a nice building, newer and cleaner than the old one. I was only there a few minutes. I felt OK. And feel better about seeing him there now, so I'm glad I went.

Oh, on an amusing note, he's revamped his website. In types of therapy he associates himself with, he includes "humanistic-interpersonal." I had to laugh at that. I mean, at least give me credit for his training in that! And he did not take the opportunity to update his photo either.

Wow, that's ballsy, as we'd say in England.

I'm sure there are a number of therapists who list modalities in which they have no particular skill, but...he couldn't be less person-centred if he tried.

Right?

He also changed his "about me" page to have a photo of a dock at the top with the words
Clinician
Researcher
Mentor
Athlete
cascading down, going from black to white text. I keep mentally adding different words to the end.

No wonder....

May I add a few?

He doesn't own the building right? It's public. It feels a bit controlling to me for him to say something about it. Yeah, it might be weird if he saw you because he'd make it weird, but it's not weird to want to scope out the building.

Thank you for saying it better than I could. This is a him problem.

You don’t need his permission. Visiting first makes sense.

Maybe you could look on google maps?

Yep, it's public, lots of other businesses in it. I was able to walk right into the lobby area and could have gone up the elevator if I'd chosen to (though I told him I wouldn't). Good point that it would be him that would make it weird! And it is a bit controlling. I mean, he could have just told me to, say, text if I'm about to drive over or when I got to the building and he'd avoid coming out or going in then if it's that big of a deal to him.

And thanks for saying it's not weird to want to scope it out!

Thanks, Lemon. I did end up going this morning, as he said today he was really busy seeing clients so wouldn't be going to the new office. But it would have been nice if I could have gone when it was more convenient for me.

I knew what the outside looked like, as I'd driven by (it's on the back way home from an area with lots of restaurants that I go to frequently--I take that route at times if the highway is backed up). I wanted to see what it felt like to park and go inside of it.

It's notable that a prominent comment made by three or four of us here is that it is public space - a fact that wasn't foremost for him and didn't seem to factor in his response to you. A moment of reflection on his behalf could have informed the support that he might have been able to offer you. But then he is the interpersonal expert clinician researcher wanker mentor athlete around here so what do we know?

Do you use the phrase "Jack of all trades ..." in the US?

Ha! I like your term list. We do use "Jack of all trades" here. Which ends with, "master of none."

It does seem like he should have considered that it's a public building. I mean, I was just planning to go in without asking him last week, then saw what possibly could have been his car. Had I not seen that, I might have just walked on in--the horror! I'm honestly amazed that I've never run into him while I'm out in general, as we live quite close to each other.

He did say once, when I asked, that he's aware of the restaurants and other places that I tend to go and knows if he were to go there, he could potentially run into me. So I don't know if he just avoids all those places or what? I mean, sometimes I like to [gasp] go to new or different places, too.

Meanwhile, he apparently wasn't careful about meeting with his wife in front of the coffee shop of his building facing the parking lot 5 minutes before I'd be arriving for a session, so...

Wanker

Eta - the juxtaposition just hit my funnybone!

Except the full phrase is: A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes is better than a master of one.

Is he also aware of how creepy that sounds?

'Aware of the restaurants and other places you go to...'

Ah, I don't think I ever knew the full phrase. Thanks for sharing!

Oh, I didn't think of it that way, but that's an interesting point, like he's making a mental note to avoid them. I do mention specific places fairly often. But like, would the world end if I ran into him and his family at dinner? We'd have to talk about it later, which is maybe what he'd dread. Plus his liking being private.

I loved that part too!

There is no way this man has never run into a client.

I have to go to an event on Friday that is taking up more headspace than I’d like to admit.

Firstly I don’t want to go, but everyone else is. I have to wear a dress, but I already feel uncomfortable at my current size. I hate clothes shopping. So decided on going with the only dress I bought with me when I moved which is borrowed from my mother.

I thought about getting my hair done for the event, but didn’t as a blow dry only lasts three days at the most. I did book an eyebrow appointment for the day before which I do most of the time anyway.

Now I got just got messaged asking for a photograph of myself. Should I dig my heels in about this? I don’t feel comfortable with my photograph being displayed. I don’t have any professional ones either.

does sound a lil creepy him saying he's aware of places you go.

this situation with him being weird about you visiting the building lobby kinda reminds me of when L accused me of "stalking" her because I mentioned during a session that I'd seen her psych today profile had been updated. Her public profile. The very one I'd found her on in the first place, that advertises her services. Of course she said she was joking but it didn't sound like it to me.

Therapists can be freakin' weird.