Couch 248: Curiouser and Curiouser

Yeah the heat is hard on people. I think i got dizzy today from retaining water from drinking too much. Dont be a hero. Af least lie down with your feet raised.

Is the heat/humidity bad on the east coast? That could add to feeling bad and breathing when it is really humid can be a challenge if one is not used to living in a swamp

I don't think any of those people do anything and from the description the therapist has always seemed a bit arrogant (the "dr" thing would have ensured me spending no more than 5 min before walking out), and he is not good at holding firm boundaries, but other than that -I don't see what he has done wrong. I agree with his stance, as iterated here, on a lot of things. In his position, I would have been thrown by the idea of going by and checking out the new office before an appointment. I have been in similar situation with a client and my own office - which is odd because who cares what building a lawyer is in - but this was one of the mental health docket clients - and frankly I was not completely certain how they would react in the lobby or trying to check out my group's suite of offices and so on. I admit I had no idea why the client was telling me they wanted to see the office we were moving to and why they were bothering to tell me they were going to do it -but once they told me - I asked them not to. I couldn't stop them and did nothing to attempt to stop them, but it was a bit creepy and I warned my colleagues.

I sent a frantic email to R yesterday, expressing everything that I couldn't express through sheer emotion on Thursday.

Now I'm having a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy moment as in 'Don't panic.'

Is 'I'm OK with it, but let me freak out first' something therapists have experience with?

Just 'cause the cake needed some icing...

I've just had a text from the grief support service I use informing me that my 'subscription' is coming to an end next week. I didn't realise that the weekly messages were time limited.

This is separate from everything, but another 'regime change'.

Artie - i love when that happens! Its like, the whole time we and t were shoveling all this shyte around and up and down and over and under, an actual structure was being rebuilt and we had no idea. Except that now, there it effing is! Wth! Thats why we tell SD to "trust the process"!

My therapist made a mistake last week which I found humiliating and which caused her shame. It was a very intense session. She was shaken and that in itself was difficult for me to observe. Anyway, I have done something art-based on the back of it - I have created her mistake in a form which we can hold, change, unpick, literally do something with it. It has been such a valuable thing for me to do. I had a period of art therapy in my 30s after having been very unwell and I often think about the importance of what that gave me - the different forms of things, metaphor, creation, etc. It has a similar effect to that of somatic work or embodied endeavour in that I like experiencing the meaning in these different ways.

I'm having a very weird day today. I've been feeling pretty good the past few months and can't even remember the last time I cried about anything. Today we had a team meeting that we're supposed to be on camera for, and I couldn't get my camera to work, and I almost started crying over it! It felt quite foreign to me (still!) how quickly I was able to regulate my emotions and not shed even one tear, and just say "go on with the meeting, I'll listen while I figure this out" and eventually I got it to work. It's funny to me now, that was something L and I worked on a lot, that I was never able to do, and I don't even know when the switch flipped and I started being able to do it. I've only been aware of it happening a couple times, so it's been recent. And L doesn't even get to know.

A Wth! Thats why we tell SD to "trust the process"!

I worry about you

I've been seeing a NP for meds about once a month since November. We also basically have a therapy session during those meetings which was not what I expected when I started going, but I'm okay with it now. At the end of our session today he asked if I was a hugger and offered a hug. I turned him down but left the door open for perhaps another time. The therapist I've wanted a hug from won't give me one and the therapist I do not have any attachment towards is willing to give me one. Not sure how I feel about that. I'm trying to decide if I should talk with P about it or just leave it alone.