Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Thank you, my friend...but you started it.

I appreciate the accountability too.
My virtual bird is great for some forms of accountability, but Couch accountability is even more effective when it's something like exercise.

Well done Una O.

Yes, I think you've described the dynamic pretty accurately. He's even said a couple times lately (not related to session reduction or the stuff this past week), regarding telling me something, "I didn't want to risk hurting you."

I do think he's afraid of my emotions at times. So he tends to pull back and get more closed off--if he doesn't understand what's going on. If he seems to get it, like something going on with my D, then he can be very empathetic.

And he has said numerous times that he's been surprised by how strongly I've been affected by the move. Even though I've tried to explain. It's not really helpful for someone to say, "Wow, I'm surprised at how strongly you're reacting to this."

I do think maybe he has let other boundaries lapse sometimes, and then maybe he's annoyed at himself for doing so and kind of takes that out on me maybe? I don't know. Like "You made me do this," even though he could have said no? He made a comment in session about how he had to call me Tuesday, and I said, "You didn't have to call me. You could have just replied to the email, and we'd have talked about it later in session."

Incidentally, my father also isn't good at dealing with big emotions. And neither is my H (what's that thing about marrying your mother or father?). H's mom has big emotions, too. So I guess that fits into these being enactments with Dr. T.

And yeah, I know I need a different one...

Thanks, Scarlet. First, Happy Belated Birthday!

I understand what you mean about being spoiled--I was spoiled when Dr. T didn't charge for any emails for a few years during the pandemic, no matter how many/how long--for all his clients, not just me. He only charges for really long ones or frequent emails, and I try to avoid that (only been charged once since he resumed charging), but of course I didn't this past week. (I'm anxiously waiting to see whether he'll charge me for the 15-minute phone call--which he initiated--or emails).

I'm glad L can be flexible in giving long sessions like that. There has been a few times when I wish I could have had a longer session, but I doubt it's an option.

And the daily contact seems helpful for you--it seemed to make it much more difficult for you during her maternity leave though, right? Being used to that? That's what I feel like I have going on here, when he was less available during all the move drama (not just this past week), though a little different.

I think we do need the 3x for a little bit to see if we can work through this. Something else I worry about is that if I want to switch T's, I doubt many would allow even twice a week, and they may not allow outside contact, so I worry it will be very difficult to make that transition. Especially not having trust in them yet.

"I do think maybe he has let other boundaries lapse sometimes, and then maybe he's annoyed at himself for doing so and kind of takes that out on me maybe? I don't know. Like "You made me do this," even though he could have said no? He made a comment in session about how he had to call me Tuesday, and I said, "You didn't have to call me. You could have just replied to the email, and we'd have talked about it later in session."

I think this was so he could gauge your situation - email does not work for that sort of thing. I make students talk to me rather than email when I am not sure I am getting what is going on with them. And if one believes those people - they need to check that you are not in such a state that you will be a danger to yourself or others - they don't like lawsuits much

Man, I’ve been going to the gym nearly every day for years. But ex hankster starts exercising and you all follow her?

That’s real leadership, that is.

They are all just waiting in line to shoot me if i quit.

ETA - SEE post 907. Day 3 was already accounted for. Today's note sb 4,5,6.

Anyone have any meal ideas? My problem is I hate to cook but can’t afford to order out all the time so most of the time I just don’t bother or if I do bother it ends up being really crappy food from like a drive thru or a frozen pizza from the store. I just literally don’t enjoy standing in the kitchen chopping veggies or meats or other ingredients. I even find breading chicken to make simple chicken cutlets a task. There is a lot of foods I don’t like, either. I know there are frozen meals at the grocery store but normally they are filled with sodium and most of them just don’t taste good. Any ideas?

I have suggestions but it does involve attention and input from the person who is making and eating it.
One thing I would suggest is to go ahead and buy frozen or fresh cut up vegetables that you like to eat. I buy bags of salad (I love to cook but hate shredding lettuce) and then I add frozen falafel I heat up, canned chick peas or white beans, or cooked chicken to that and I find it tasty. Tuna is also easy to add to salads or to make sandwiches. I like beans so I mix canned beans (I make a lot from dried beans but it doesn't sound like you want to do that) with a can of rotel, get a tortilla and you can add meat or scrambled egg and put cheese and beans and rotel together = I eat this a lot for breakfast or lunch. Hard boiled eggs are cheap and easy and can be added to a lot of things. If you have a trader joes - they have sous vide chicken thighs which are quite easy to add to other foods. Another quick, easy, and I find delicious thing is chopped up tomato (Fresh or canned - fresh is better), a can of white beans or chick peas or other bean, saute some garlic and onion in olive oil, throw in some greens (spinach,chard, collard, kale, etc - what ever kind you like) let them wilt and add in the tomato and beans and stir until everything is warm and serve by itself or with crusty bread or over pasta or rice.
Also there is an app called Too Good To Go:End Food Waste that might be in your area (it is not everywhere) and you buy bags of food that is leftover like from Whole foods or Ikea. Around here those are the only two besides Circle K which is a gas station sort of place but they have sandwiches and donuts and such so I guess they bag that up. The ikea and whole foods are from their in house food cooks = you don't get to pick but the whole foods has food bags and bakery bags for under $10. It might be something to look into - also check to see when the bags become available to order in your area - here it is 10 or 10:15 pm and they sell out quickly for the next day. I haven't actually gotten a bag - they sell out quickly here and I don't need to do it but it is a thing that I keep reading about so I downloaded the app just to see.

I did wonder if it was partially a wellness check. Though I was sobbing through some of it, but I guess that's common for me? I tried to ask him in the session (not during the call) if it was partly a wellness check, and said I 'd feel better if that was part of it. I don't think he really answered?

My suggestions are only vegetarian, but here you go: So one option is to buy some frozen vegetables that are already cut up, like, depending on your taste, frozen broccoli, peas, peppers, etc. Or to buy precut veggies in the produce section.

If you like spinach, you can buy the baby spinach in the produce section and cook with that--my H likes cooking with that and grape tomatoes, which you don't have to cut up.

You can get frozen cooked rice that you heat in the microwave, then heat up some black beans (and season them--though I think you can get canned Goya ones that are seasoned) and have beans and rice. Or get an Indian sauce, heat up canned chickpeas in the sauce, with rice.

They're not cheap compared to some other ones, but Amy's makes some good frozen meals, all vegetarian, and some are lower-sodium options (labeled that way).

Also, if you like eggs, they're pretty cheap and nutritious, and you can throw in veggies or not. This isn't the healthiest thing, but I'll buy frozen shredded hash browns, cook those in a pan, then whisk up some eggs and put them over the potatoes, so like a one-pan eggs and hash potatoes.

I am not necessarily saying wellness check - more just to be clear and make sure everyone is hearing the other even if it doesn't mean giving what the other person wants. For me with students - I want to make sure I understand what is really being asked before I can answer or that they understand what I am saying back = it is not to get everyone to agree or like what the other wants or won't do -just that we understand - not necessarily agree.
It might have been some checking to see if this was your normal way of upset or something different. From the outside - it seems more your normal way of interacting when upset so it wouldn't necessarily cause alarm to someone trying to talk to you as an adult. It might be frustrating but not alarming. I think a phone call to clarify or even check in is different rather than in a therapy session where regression may be more expected or at least not unusual.

Thanks SD and LT. Those all seem like doable and tasty options.

I just downloaded that app, SD..There is a farmers Market near me that does it then just a bakery, but the Farmers Market will probably be useful.

Good points. I do think a phone call can be a quicker way of resolving things at times. Text or email could end up with a lot of back-and-forth and potential misunderstandings. So the call may have partly been for that purpose, to more quickly resolve something.

An English teacher once agreed to look at a draft of something I was writing, and said in his feedback:

'In order to write something well, you have to have lived it first.'

I'm not sure I agree, but coming up against another application that begins with someone contemplating has me rattled.

They're teenagers, for goodness' sake.

My sister doesn’t know how to pick partners. She’s just gave birth to a child a little over a week ago and her fiancés true colors are starting to shine through. Granted he is not as bad as the ex-who is a narcissistic controlling abuser that will never love his child more than he hates my sister, but he no prize either. I really need to figure out how I can take a step back and not be so involved. It’s just really hard when 2 kids are in the mix. I do not wish the new baby was not here. She is a double rainbow baby. I’m thrilled she is here. I’m just really sad my sister picked another asshole. I don’t get it. She is strong, beautiful, has a good job and a good head on her shoulders for most things except when it comes to this. I think the first guy really messed her up and now her judgement in men is clouded after that.

Couch Workout Club day 7

7000 steps so far today, after a walk around the park and a few shops.

SD, TIL your buddy Forrest Tucker was the original Music Man.

Hopefully today is the last Hades day for a while. The heat and humidity act like a waddyacallit Denver boot on my posterior.

ETA - AND week 2 exercise done!

It’s raining a little here today but very humid. Tomorrow it will be in the mid 90’s, then Tuesday very close to 90. After that they are calling for rain off and on the rest of the week but temps will stay just in the high 70’s. Hopefully it won’t be humid those days.

We're 102 here. 103 tomorrow. I'm grateful there's a little park/garden right outside my patio so we get a cool breeze and some shade from the trees. It's still too hot for me, but at least I can be outside a little bit.

The summer where I am has been unbearable but if it was 102 and 103 I wouldn’t even be able to stick my head out the door.

Like 40 years ago i was at the san diego zoo and it was 104 and i was pretty healthy racewalking n stuff and i was like, you people go ahead, i am going to lie down on a bench in the shade and eat ice cream. It seemed the only rational option, in a very serious life-preserving way! You know, that weird sense of watching yourself from the outside.

It's been hot and humid where I am, too, though more high 90s than breaking 100. I'm at the beach now by myself for a few days, and it's cooler here. Though, of course, humid, as I'm right by a giant body (actually, two bodies) of water. I think the next two days will be OK, then it will be raining. Hoping it won't be too bad for driving home Wednesday or Thursday (unsure which day). Note that I'm not close enough to the hurricane that it would be affecting the weather here, at least not till the end of the week.

LT-In these parts we call the beach areas “Down The Shore”.
Jersey person #1. What are your plans this weekend?
Jersey person #2. Going down the shore a few days.

Anyways at the shore due to the ocean breeze it’s normally about 5-10 degrees cooler. Still humid but a tad cooler.