Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Thanks, Lost. I don't see him again till Monday, and I sincerely doubt he has any openings before then (not that I should do another anyway!) So I'm hoping this goes OK enough. Especially as I'd debated whether to cancel (too late for that, unless I want to pay his full fee, and insurance doesn't cover any part of cancellations).

I imagine he'll be in the new office, so I'll get a preview of that, I guess.

Hope your session goes well LT and you able to be honest with him.

Thanks, Lemon! I have notes to myself like "Don't overapologize" (It's hopeless to say "don't apologize at all," as I know myself.)

Well, that went poorly. Started out fairly well, where he seemed compassionate, then declined. He actually chastised me for raising my voice at him at one point. Like "I'm not going to sit here and let you talk to me that way." I very rarely express anger (like, maybe I've raised my voice to him two or three other times). And I don't think it was particularly harsh. More later.

Unsure what I want to do about seeing him more. Maybe I need to take a week and think about it. Yes, I know what the answer should be. I just need time to think it through. (And I'm quite certain R wouldn't be an option.)

I’m sorry it didn’t go smoothly. It sounds like the session was quite challenging. It's understandable that you need time to process what happened and consider your next steps.

Taking a week to think it through could be a good idea, giving you some space to reflect on your feelings and what you want to do moving forward.

Anyone good at logical math with only simple subtraction and division? I'm trying to calculate mine and H's move out fees vs my dad's move out fees. There's only 3 parts: my dad's junk removal fee, mine and H's deposit, and H and I owe 2/3. What order does it go in? Right now I took the junk fee off the total, then 2/3, then minus our deposit. But I'm wondering if it goes: 2/3 and then both junk and deposit off? Can anyone help? It needs to be correct because my dad will know.

I'm sorry, LT! Maybe you do just need a break? Anger is healthy especially if expressed appropriately. It sounds like Dr. T was defensive.

Thanks, Lemon. I think I may do that, possibly keep my next Friday session, but it would still give me a week. And, well, I could decide about that session with 24 hours notice. I can do that with any of them, but I'd rather just say "I need a week--please take me off for Monday and Wednesday" than keep deciding 24 hours in advance.

I'll sleep on it. I don't want to cancel sessions then attempt to reschedule and have nothing be available (especially as one time, he said he was tempted to not reschedule me for spite, but he realized that would be immature).

It also bothered me that at first, he questioned my saying I might be in a major depressive episode. I said I was picking up Zoloft (SSRI) later today, and he was like, "That's for longer-term use, not an acute episode." And I was like, "I think this has been going on for some time." I wanted to be like, "Yes, I'm familiar with Zoloft, moron--I was on it for a few years while I was seeing you in the past."

He did seem more compassionate when I was describing symptoms unrelated to him/the move in the last few months. (Like more trouble sleeping than usual, not feeling enthusiastic about things I generally like to do, lack of motivation and energy, etc.)I said that maybe the stuff with the move was a symptom, not the cause. He seemed to agree about the idea of depression in the end. But should I have to try to convince my therapist that I'm depressed?

Thanks, Scarlet. I was hoping he'd be compassionate, rather than defensive. He had moments of compassion (and seemed to be wiping tears a few times), but the defensiveness won out.

I think it was also difficult seeing the new office in the background--he set it up differently than he said he would, like the loveseat isn't facing the window like the couch was. So maybe I'll opt to sit in a chair? He said wherever I sat, we'd be the same distance away. (No idea whether the fish is there--it wasn't in my field of vision, but his chair was blocking some shelves.)

I do feel I don't want to end it without at least seeing him in person one more time. It could make it easier, but I feel I'd regret ending that way. I mean, I could make it a planned termination session, or I could see how I feel.

Of course, my feelings are subject to change. But the other time that I left, he seemed to shift quite a bit toward me once I came back (was less than 2 weeks, I think). Like, maybe he needs time apart, too? For everything to settle more? I don't know.

I wish I could talk to R, but obviously, that's not an option at the moment... He was bothered that I "went behind his back" to schedule with her. To which I said, "I didn't want to bother you during the move! And I was just trying to get support for myself."

I'm not sure there's a set "correct" here. It could be calculated different ways. Could you present the amount to your dad and say you calculated it as best you could and hope it's right?

Though my initial thought would be junk fee, deposit, and then the 2/3?

Scarlet - i cannot determine from your description what exactly you are trying to calculate.

2/3 of what and why?

Is dad's junk removal amount given? Are you trying to compare that to 1/3 of the deposit you dad will not get back?

I'm trying to calculate how much H and I owe for move out fees vs my dad. We owe 2/3 of the fees and my dad owes 1/3. Yes, my dad's junk fees is $400 and mine and H's deposit is $500. I know it's confusing. I'm confused! But I need to do it.

I can't ask my dad. We are permanently not speaking to each other.

dad's junk fees: $400
Your and H's deposit: $500

Total fees = $400 + $500 = $900.

Your and H's share = (2/3) * $900 = $600
Your dad's share = (1/3) * $900 = $300

As dad's junk fees are already $400, he has overpaid by $100 ($400 - $300).

Your dad should be reimbursed $100.

Double check with Math magician Una.

It is August.

Which means classes start soon.

Which means I am in a constant low-level panic worrying about dealing with bad attitudes toward disability at work..

Which led to a nightmare that I asked for captioning accommodati9ns and didn’t get them.

Which of course is not a nightmare, but my life.

I really do need to check and see when classes start. I know what days I teach but I probably should find out which week we start

Ugh, I'm so sorry that you're still dealing with these issues at your university. It's really...I was going to say unfair, but really it's illegal, discriminatory, and utterly disrespectful.

I'm in an angry mood right now: sic me on those not giving you accommodations.

When I was in grad school 10 years ago, I mistakenly thought classes started on a certain day. Drove the 45 minutes to campus, marveled at how empty the garage was, then thought to check my calendar.... I think it was a case where classes started on the Wednesday, and I had a Tuesday class, something like that. Sheepishly got back in my car and drove home.

So probably good to find out.

Once as a professor and once as a student I walked to campus through big storms—which both turned out to be the eye of a hurricane—on the assumption it was just a storm and we had classes. Nope.

Im still not sure what is incoming and what is outgoing.

Are you saying your dad still has to pay 1/3 of the 500 moveout fee, even though he is already out?

What does the junk removal fee have to do with the moveout fee? Arent they different companies?

Is the moveout fee to a moving company, or the apartment complex, like holding a security deposit? Did your dad pay any of it when he moved in and now expects 1/3 back? Your use of the word deposit is confusing me.

Ugh the weather map is dark orange -hot hot hot.

i’m sorry things didn’t go well, LT. i really hope you find the strength to take a step back and really examine things for what they are, not what you hope they could be. i realize you pay Dr. T, but that doesn’t mean he has no say in the way he does therapy. it’s not looking like he will ever be the t you so desperately want him to be. 😞