Couch 250: An August Couch

P-doc appointment went well--I do like her. She didn't lecture me on anything. She seemed to agree with the other p-doc I saw that Latuda is a good thing to try, so I'll give that a shot. She thinks bipolar 2 is a possibility, but said it can be difficult to figure out because of overlapping symptoms. But that I clearly have a mood disorder, so she'll focus on things that help mood.

It was sort of funny: At one point, she asked whether my husband would also say I'd been struggling lately. I said yes, and "I could have him come downstairs and tell you himself."

While I do not consider myself to be highly sensitive - every test and therapist I hired have suggested such. It is an interesting concept I suppose -but I more am concerned about how those who are can work it out for themselves to function in the world that actually exists

Thanks for sharing this, Lost. I'm going to check it out as I definitely qualify as sensitive.

SD - easy! Denial!

I am not anti-denial if it gets someone through the day without annoying others. But what is being denied?

Don't want the competition

Anything. That one is sensitive. That something bothers ya. Denial is the opposite of processing something.

In therapy i used to yell at my last t for skipping steps. I was like, but how do you get from a to g? I need to walk thru things. Maybe its not denial for other people - maybe they are smarter than i am.

Ha ha

That’s a river in Egypt. Or a misspelled mountain in Alaska. Judging by her weather reports, SD is in neither place.

I started reading The Highly Sensitive Person once on No. 1’s recommendation (I at least tried the things therapists recommended back then. I’ve grown since then.). A few pages in I had to quit because the author demonstrated that she had no clue about the Supreme Court’s function in American government.

I am sensitive to such things.

I forgot if I told y'all i got my hair cut super short recently? It's like a spiky pixie kind of cut. And I really love it, it's so easy to style. I'd been thinking about doing it for a while, and finally just decided to go for it and I'm so glad I did!

That's great, Artie! I keep pondering whether to go short again, so this is inspiration.

Hair grows. If it’s something you want to try do it.

I last cut mine to just around my ears last year. It was summer and I was annoyed at being bothered and hot. I regretted it a bit later, but it grew back.

I had a balayage done in April, but I’m already tired of it and want something different. I have a blow dry appointment on Monday. Maybe I’ll ask.

🥳

Wooo well done Art for taking that step.

Where is the fun in that???????

My good thing….I have had homegrown tomatoes and cheese every day for the past two weeks. I love summer. Also I tried a new NYT recipe with tomatoes and eggplant and zucchini and it was delicious.

So much for voicing my fears around technical difficulties to R.

My laptop ran out of battery in the closing minutes of today's session.
I plugged it in and was able to rejoin the meeting using her link.

Today's conversation burned when she said 'In person is my preference, but here we are online, and it's working.'

Technically, yes.

Emotionally...this isn't anywhere near therapy.

On the plus side, I've emailed my boss and asked for a meeting to discuss my access needs off the back of today's conversation.

I'd like to think that's a therapy gold star moment.

Perhaps not fun, but I think there can be a sense of self reliance that can be useful.
But we all have fun in different ways.

Hugs, Lost. I think you deserve gold stars for all of that!

R used a good analogy today. I was saying how I felt very hair-trigger lately, like small things will set me off emotionally. She said she was thinking of an electrical cord, that if you took the outer insulation off, it's just these bare wires. And it seems like I'm missing the insulation right now. So we need to figure out ways to build that back up--the Calm app (which I have re-downloaded) being one of them. (And yes, I need to check into the DBT groups, I know--we discussed that briefly, too.) Trying a new medication is another.

It's helping to think of it that way, the uninsulated wires.

I think maybe I also need to look at my life and see if there's anything I can pull back from right now while I work on the insulation--I actually took a step Monday to possibly do that with one of my freelance accounts, but it will take some time for a change to actually go into effect (switching to a different account that better fits with my skill set). Unfortunately, H has another hernia surgery on the 11th, and I'll have to add a bunch of home/childcare responsibilities for a bit. So I hope I can build it up a bit before that.

Thanks for sharing her analogy, LT.

It resonates with me.
I hope you can find other ways to build it up.

Thanks, Lost. You, too!

I like that analogy of uninsulated wires too. Right now I'm starting to feel more than a little uninsulated and rather frayed. Lots of stuff going on. Most of it money related like h and my life has turned into a money pit the last couple months and we're slowly trying to dig our way out. between the HVAC needing to be replaced, having to replace my car, expensive repairs on h's car, h needing 5 crowns on his terrible-shape teeth (!) and a few other things, practically overnight we've added too many thousands of $$ of new debt (at least the part that's for the car we bought, is spread out over 5 years.) All of this new debt scares the h e double hockey sticks out of me after going through our bankruptcy 10+ years ago. I do not want to have to go through that again. We sat down this afternoon and mapped out how we are going to pay it off, something akin to Dave Ramseys' debt snowball thing. If I think too long about how much we suddenly owe, it makes me so sick to my stomach. I hate money. Or, I hate the need for money.

Hugs, Artie. That is a lot at once. I hope everything works out OK financially.

I hate dealing with money stuff, too. Meanwhile, my mother is a bookkeeper by trade. Though maybe that's part of why I have issues about money... Along with other childhood stuff.

I was also talking to R about how there'd been a lack of continuity with therapy the past few months for assorted reasons--stuff around Dr. T's move, his last-minute vacation in July, my going to the beach twice, his being away now. (And, really, just my having been away parts of two different weeks in August in general, I guess.) And R said it seems like one thing that keeps me insulated is routine. I think there's something to that.

So maybe I need to set up some routines for myself that aren't so dependent on other people. I mean, obviously, things happen. But, say, if I figured out a good meditation on the Calm app to use when I first get up or right before bed maybe, that could possibly help. As that's something I could also do even if I were elsewhere. Some sort of physical exercise would be good to fit in there, too.

Some examples:
Light a candle in the morning
Morning coffee and journaling
Reading time in the afternoon
Lunch at a set time.

Thanks, Lemon! These are some good ideas.