[MissCharlotte]

Ever since the big rupture I just have not felt the same about T, about therapy, about the whole package that is "us."

I continue to move forward in my healing, so it's not as if nothing is happening, and I still hold certain feelings for him that are loving-- but the closeness I once felt has a certain distance that didn't exist before. That makes me sad because there are things I used to tell him that I can't now because I am afraid to. I feel more alone than I have in a long time. For a short while there I was able to pretend that T and I were a team. Maybe that's how it is supposed to be--okay when you are there and not okay when you are not?

Then, show up for therapy and talk about whatever is on your mind at the moment and forget about the awful feelings you were consumed with two days prior?

Yes, for those who ask--we have talked about the rupture over and over and over again. We are not fighting now but I'm thinking that maybe what I am experiencing is a frustration with the unequal partnership that this arrangement really is. So, it doesn't feel like all it's cracked up to be.

Has anyone experienced this and recovered it? Is maybe the end around the corner?

Peace

yes, I have experienced something similar. I think for me I had different expectations of what I was to receive. Eventually I topenned up to focussing on what I did receive rather than what I wasnt receiving. I looked at it and was satisfied. I could see that while what I had wasnt my ideal, it was a relatinship that could help me heal. I still had disappointment though. *hugs* Hoping you can push through it if you find therapy beneficial.

[Perna]

It's cyclical. Yes things change while we're in therapy; it's an alive relationship, not a static one. You cannot feel the same as you did before the rupture because there was a rupture there! That's like saying when you jump the Grand Canyon, you're disappointed because the other side looks different, doesn't have any cool hotels and tourist parts.

You are learning to be genuine in all relationships, even outside therapy. You want to (or I hope you want to) be yourself, no matter to whom you are talking. Now you get to practice being vulnerable and talking about difficult things all by yourself, without his hand to hold.