Couch 252: Kitties and Hawks

When I was chatting with a work friend about his garage I mentioned that mine was cluttered and messy. He had offered to come help me clean it up. I felt a bit cornered because the mess out there is a sore spot for me. Stupidly, I decided to be more forthcoming about why it's a mess and basically told him I'd been diagnosed with PTSD several years ago after the fire and that the garage was a trigger for me and that it's just stressful for me. His response felt really dismissive. He said I needed to put on some loud music and have fun and that I should leave the past behind me and move forward. If I could do that, I would. I now feel like people think I'm weak and stupid and that the fire was just no biggie. Hardly anyone knows what happened and my mental health struggles and I'm not going to try and open up with anyone going forward.

I'm so sorry, NP.

It was incredibly courageous of you to trust this person with the details of what you have endured.

People say the most ridiculous things when they cannot comprehend what they are hearing.

I can understand why this would put you off sharing. I hope you can take the time you need to tend to yourself and lean into spaces where you feel safe enough to share.

Wishing you strength in the days ahead,

Lost

Hi Couch,

I'm struggling today.
Multiple griefquakes, making four in the space of a week.

When I'm not doing well, my creativity is the first thing to go.

Spoke with the helpline today, and I'm counting the days 'til Thursday.

This feels like too much for an email.

I hope today's being kind to you.

Take care,

Lost

Hugs to you, Lost. I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

Any chance you could see your T before Thursday? Or talk to the helpline again before then?

Thanks for the hugs, LT.

I'll see how I'm feeling on Monday and maybe call the helpline again.
I'd feel weird asking to bring next session forward, but I am not feeling well at the moment at all.

Speaking with RC tomorrow, at least.

To top it all off, I have just found out:

Take care,

Lost

If it's any consolation to you and your sensitivities about the LGBT community, many lesbian and gay people support same sex rights as it underpins the very notion of same sex attracted people. I am a lesbian and I am relieved that men who identify themselves as women will not be able to access female only spaces. Being a woman is supremely important to me, my politics, my spirituality, my sexuality, and the material reality of biology matters. Indeed, there are many trans identified people who believe in same sex right and spaces - Buck Angel being a notable and vocal female who lives as a man (her words) if you are interested in looking at the reality of people in the community.

I appreciate your sensitivity and care, Lost, and can see how this is a powerful grief trigger for you.

I am a cis lesbian who proudly defends the rights of trans people to be treated like the human beings they are.

Thanks, Ghost.

Exactly.
Nobody else's business.
All trans people want to do is exist, the same as any of us.

I didn't get it before Steve died, and I'm learning fast...but it really effing hurts at the same time.

Because we were so progressive and I didn't have the American context, I didn't see how coming out as queer could be an issue...it's taken me three years to understand it.

Now I do, and I'm watching the horrors unfold here...feeling like I should do something, but not knowing what.

I appreciate your empathy and understanding.

Take care,

Lost

I am remembering now why I stepped away from online discussions about women's rights and the importance of sex.

I am making the gluten free cake from the NY times that popped up this morning. It uses rice and millet flour which I am excited to play with. I like millet a lot in general and eat a lot of it and rice.

What flavour cake, or is it just plain?

It is a yellow sheet cake

Also, the irony. How is any of this your business, Lost? Know your shadow self.

My apologies.

I won't post about this again.

I love millet. You know what they say: six million trillion jillion birds can't be wrong!

Why not? People get to disagree - your view is as valid as anyone else's. Disagreement is not bad.

When I made my original post, I did not intend to stoke controversy, but managed to do so in any case.

Controversy is not bad. Also - you can't control others - if someone wants controversy they can usually find it whether the other intended to do so or not.

Ya, I wondered about that too. It sounds like someone lost bladder control on the couch.

Is that what the plot of The Birds was about? They just wanted millet?

I still have a bunch of the lemons a colleague gave me last month in the fridge. I am going to make lemon blueberry muffins and a lemon yogurt sauce for chicken with some of them. Tomorrow.

Does the gluten-free cake have frosting? This is the most important part of any cake story, in my opinion.

The cake was surprisingly good. I am not a great baker ( too much chemistry and measuring precisely) but it was apparently not all that screwupable and was actually quite tasty. I just used a buttercream icing -but I am not much of an icing fan.

The juice and zest freeze well - I always have to freeze if I get a whole bag of lemons or limes because we never use that many at a time.

My favorite scene in the Birds is when they guy is in the parking lot standing in gasoline basically and the people in the building are shouting and waving to warn him and he thinks they are just waving hello -so he waves and lights a cigarette.

That was a punchline i grew up hearing on tv, "60 million Frenchmen can't be wrong." Now i hafta google it.

Eta - Cole Porter musical 50 million etc, not 60. 1929. Geez i AM old!

A couple years ago my oldest niece attended high school with a transgender student. The transgender student was told they can use the bathroom in the main office, nurses office or teachers lounge because it was preferred they didn’t use the student bathrooms. While the transgender student themselves had issue with this-their parents did not because they understood both sides of the situation. I’m posting this as a general statement. I’m not going to state my opinion either way but it’s okay for everyone to have a different opinion on a situation.

In other news. Cake. Yum but I’ve been doing better with what I feed my body. Today I plan to make a meatloaf using lean grass fed ground beef and some sort of vegetable on the side. I have no been eating bread with my morning eggs and eventually this week I just didn’t crave it after a few days. I pretty much just protein loaded.